ANTM cycle 21 episode 6: "Notorious W.I.G."

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models filmed a seductive commercial for the fragrance SpyderByte. Romeo bit off more than he could chew when he physically confronted Adam. Now that Romeo’s script has been erased, the remaining models walked in a stilted fashion show. Even though Ben got a leg-up when he won the challenge, the catwalk proved to be Lenox’s Achilles heel. Romeo’s exit spelled out a new chance for Lenox; who was allowed to stay for one more week. Now, only eleven models remain.Who will be eliminated tonight?

When the models arrive at their home, they see Will’s commercial projected on the walls. “Just because you’ve been at the bottom, it doesn’t mean you can’t be on top.” Will states, reciting my description on Grindr.

He decides to bring Raelia to the Tyra Suite. Will! You don’t live in Texas anymore. You don’t have to pretend to take girls to your room anymore…

Nevertheless, he leaves Matthew with the other models. Mirjana deems her room the real prize: the Love Suite. Why have beards when you can have beard weaves instead? Anyway, Mirjana decides that the two duos in the house should merge their beds to create this lovers den. While Kari and Keith wait until the lights turn off; Mirjana immediately enjoys her time with Denzel. As she gets her ass slapped, she considers telling her boyfriend back home. I guess the old saying is true:

 

Once You Go Smack…

On the other side of the house, Lenox beats herself up. She is frustrated that she gave up last week; and is determined to make the most of her five frames punishment. Ben also joins the pity party: scared that he’s been coasting in the competition so far. 

The models are eventually lulled to sleep with the calming beats of Mirjana’s ass drum. They leave on this good note to the next photoshoot:

Yu Tsai introduces the models to the large wigs that they’ll be shooting with. Everyone (except for Lenox) will have thirty attempts to whip their hair in a slow-motion shoot. They won’t ever be as fashion-forward as this:

So the bar is set pretty high. Yu Tsai reiterates that “modelling is about illusions.” Or in Tyra Banks’ case, delusions, but you know: potato potatoe.

Anyway, Keith struggles during his takes. Since he doesn’t normally have hair, it whips across his face and leaves him confused as to which positions are working. Likewise, Ben got caught in a hairy situation when the extensions take over his shots.

But nobody is in more of a predicament than Lenox. She only has five frames to perfect her shot. Her first two attempts at the hair whip end in her face getting swept up in the weave. Feeling defeated, Lenox takes some time away from set to collect herself.

Yu Tsai helps Lenox get composed. “Tears are not a sign of weakness,” he promises. Believing this is a legitimate modelling competition however…

With his kind words in mind, Lenox was able to recover and make the most of out her last three frames. Likewise, Will performs greatly during his shoot. Somehow, Will’s rocker look makes him even more attractive. 

Between A Rock and A Hard Place

I’m not the only one being seduced by the big wigs. Mirjana is very impressed with Denzel; I guess she likes the matching carpet-drape combo! When she eventually mows herself out of the supersized beard weave, she admits that she will write a letter to her boyfriend explaining the situation. 

Why is Mirjana using pen and paper to break up with her man? Who is she, Taylor Swift? Nevertheless, she takes to snail mail to report to her boyfriend that it’s over. Couldn’t she at least have sent him a breakup sticker on the Line App™? MIRJANA IS LOYAL TO NOTHING!

After the shoot, the models are greeted with last cycle’s Nina Burns in their house. Her eyes are as expansive as Mirjana’s sexual history; so I’m sure they’ll become quick pals!

Anyway, she introduces the special judge for this week’s challenge. Here to promote his NCredibles headphone line, it’s Nick Cannon! “It has high quality music and can stick to other headphones,” Nick declares. He can barely stick it to his wife, so I don’t expect his headphones to either…

Nick decides to group the models to create a “fun” panoramic advertisement. (New drinking game: take a shot everytime Nick mutters that ‘f’ word. It must run in the family…) 

Lenox, Matthew, and Kari take a simple approach to their advertisement. Since they had the most solid concept, they are given the win.

Inspired by meeting Nick Cannon, Ben decides to collaborate with Adam to write a song/rap for the judges this week. Ben starts spitting some garbled rhymes. Fortunately for him, that’s enough to earn you an MTV award, so congratulations Ben! For those at home, see if you can spot the difference between his pre- and post-makeover photos.

While Ben gets someone else to write his bars for him, Keith is upset at his mediocre performance both at the photoshoot and challenge. “As a professional football player, I’m not used to losing,” he grieves. He’s not really used to winningeither, but let’s not get burdened with the little details…

Panel

Before the official scoring of photos, Adam and Ben decide to serenade the panel of judges with their hit single, “Top Model Story.” Luckily, we have insight on these poetic lyrics. Hit it, boys!

“Mace base, race case,” (Ben has just learned about rhyme.) 

“Do you even pose?” (the phrase used when two bros want to appear masculine while flicking their weaves during a photoshoot.)

“My grandmama, I raised, cuz I ain't wearing no clothes.” (bless her little country heart. Grandma Wanda Sue just had a stroke...)

“Dolphin sex, adonis diapers.” (If it’s anything like Adam’s regular encounters, that dolphin must be pretty disappointed.)

“Kelly Cutrone, please no more 6s.” (NO! 6/6/6 is Kelly Cutrone’s favorite scoring system. Now that Romeo’s gone, someone has to fill in that pagan niche.)

“Throw your boy a bone.” (Is the one in your pants not enough, Adam? I’m sure Keith has enough for the two of you!)

“Thought Lenox was gone, she’s quite as a mouse.” (But is she as sexy as one? Duh.)

“But forget that noise, we’re all still in the house.”(Don’t worry. I’m already trying.)

Now that Tyra’s Shake Ya Body is finally not the worst Top Model song ever, she proceeds to judging with a smile.


Kelly thinks that this is the first time Adam looks like a model. Tyra likes the "versatility" and he recieves straight 8s from the three.


Miss Jay calls Ben's whip "painful". He gets two 6s and a 5.



Tyra thinks that Kari's motion is cool and grants her a 9. Miss Jay gives her a 7 and Kelly, unimpressed with the energy, hands her a 6.


Kelly thinks Matthew's face is "beautiful" but he's not whipping. He gets a 6 from Tyra and two 8s.



Miss Jay calls Keith a "one-trick pony" and, along with Kelly, gives him a 7. Tyra, however, thinks he's editorial and awards him a 9.



The judges agree that Mirjana is "fierce" and smizing. She gets all 9s from the judges.


Tyra compares Denzel to Fabio and gives him a 9. The others don't like his "lack of control" and he gets an 8 and 7.



Shei is an "intense" warrior in this shot. She gets straight eights from the trio.



Even though Raelia has a dead face, her motion shot is mesmerizing. She gets two 9s and a 8.



Will has great angles but, due to his hunching, gets a grabbag of 7, 8, and 9.



Inpressed that Lenox accomplished this shot in only five frames, Tyra lauds her with a 10. She gets a supporting 8 and 9 from the others.

"Now the judges and I will add up these scores and see who will still be in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model."

"The model with the best score is..."

LENOX (44.7)
MIRJANA (43.2)
RAELIA (40.7)
SHEI (39.0)
WILL (38.8)
ADAM (38.5)
MATTHEW (38.3)
DENZEL (38.2)
KARI (37.5)

"Ben and Keith, you two have the lowest scores. With a score of 36.9 to 30.6, the model that will remain in this competition is..."

KEITH
Before he leaves, Tyra sings Ben's praises and encourages him to work hard for the comeback.

Next week, the models shoot in a cold inhospitable place (Tyra's womb?) Back at the house, some of the guys critize Will's sexuality. "That's an incredibly ignorant thing to say," Adam states. So, until next week when the pot calls the kettle black!

ANTM c19 episode 6: Model Kombat: Charmaggeddon

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the girls took part in a fashion show for a noble charity. After raising the most money for Alicia Keys’ weave tracks, Kiara was deemed the winner. During a cheerleaders photo shoot, Nastasia and Laura rose to new heights. And even though Brittany failed to bring it on, it was Leila who was forced to retire her pom-poms. Now, only eight girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Back at the house, Nastasia is ecstatic about the Suite and invites Kiara to join her. Laura believes that Leila’s elimination is a “wake up call” and she’s determined to stay focused.

Yvonne, on the other hand, complains about the model life to her boyfriend Brandon. The hours are ‘long” and leaves her “super tired”, says the koala.

Womb Raider

The next day, the girls are met by Rob Evans and Chrissy Tegen. The duo greets them via a game screen and tells the girls that they will be creating a motion picture for the game Uncharted 3.

Based on her intense hamstring exercises, I’m fairly confident that Victoria can fully embody any game heroine.

Tron: Leg-acy

But it seems like she has competition. During the challenge, Kristin had an “infectious” energy, and the client loved her white-girl-dance taunt.

Brittany was also really skilled at “embodying the character”. Rob was unimpressed by Yvonne, who he thought was “flat” during the challenge. In fact, the only time she had an ounce of vigor was when she was running toward the ̶c̶a̶k̶e̶ camera.

Victoria was the “best actress” but had trouble with the physicality. Laura, on the other hand, had trouble just remembering the video game. Seriously, her performance was much better suited for…

Call of Booty

But the client still loved it. Thanks to her enthusiasm (and countless bribes from horny 14-year-old boys)the winner is…

LAURA! In addition to the $10,000 scholarship fund, she will also be featured on Uncharted 3 (as ‘Unnamed Pedestrian #3’).

After the challenge, Chrissy gives the girls a talk about social media. Her script includes such tidbits as “it’s important” and “people in the industry care about social input.” As she wraps up her lecture, she finally gives them real advice to use in their outside careers: “let them reach in and feel it.”#wordstoliveby

When they return to the house, Nastasia and Victoria are devastated to see their low challenge scores. To only further harass these girls, P’Trique rolls in and relays a Tyra Mail to these terrified women.

“The clock is ticking. Get your booties in gear. It may not be the end of the world, but it’s the wild, wild, west out there. Luv, Tyra.”

Afterwards, Victoria runs to the phone to report this assault on her visual senses. She confides in her mom that she can’t even “taste food without her there”. The poor xylocarp doesn't have her momma bird to regurgitate for her! THE HORROR!

Steam Punk’d

The next day, the girls meet Johnny near a train cemetery. He is accompanied by Mike Ruiz, who is just the finest photographer we’ve had yet. They tell the girls that the theme for this shoot is ‘steampunk’.Wait, are you telling me that Johnny Wujek and Mike Ruiz are cute and know what steampunk is? Forget this shoot, I’ve already found a perfect photo of my ideal husbands.

Dream Junk

The future Mr. and Mr. Smith then tell the girls that they will be working with a “temperamental” co-star. Is it a tiger? A snake? Cher?

In hair and makeup, Yvonne is annoying the other girls. Kiara is sick of her “constant complaining” and Victoria ponders Yvonne’s commitment to the competition.

Laura made “good graphic shapes” and got “a ton” of good shots. Kiara also brought a lot of intensity to the shoot but failed to provide the “right vibe”.

Initially, Brittany was really upset with Bryanboy for being unpleased with Leila’s elimination. After a brief discussion with him, she was determined to bring “variety” and “fierceness” into her shoot to avoid another bottom two appearance.

Nastasia was phenomenal and even though the outfit is doing her no favors, she looked like a character straight out of Norse mythology.

Thor: God of Thunder-thighs

Kristin, who apparently has a monkey-phobia, had trouble connecting with Groovy, the owl. Allyssa, on the other hand, did nice.

Victoria decided to create an intricate character for her shoot, which included a traveling animal circus, a boyfriend, murder, and running away with your lover/owl. Sounds like a Zoolander sex dream. Anyway, Johnny thinks that she focused too much on the backstory and wasn’t strong enough in the actual pictures.

After about 5 hours of waiting, Yvonne started her shoot. Within the first few frames, they decided to change her dress, which led to her sighing loudly. Bryanboy, who apparently thought Yvonne cares enough to insult him, gets angry and verbally assaults her.

She rolls her eyes at the screaming midget and continues her shoot. Unfortunately, she was unable to let go of the anger in her face. For the rest of the shoot, she ended up looking like an angry Hogwarts reject.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Ire

After she was done, Yvonne decided to apologize to Bryanboy. She looked the three-foot mongrel in the eye (a difficult task) and told it that she regretted her attitude on set.

Back in the house, all of the girls are nervous about the impending elimination. After Leila’s assassination, they realize that nobody is safe.

PANEL

"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."

"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”



Kiara: Kelly describes her as a “thirty-two year-old woman” and gives her a 6. Tyra and Rob disagree, focusing on her “great legs and energy”. They award her a 7 and 8.



Victoria: Tyra and Kelly appreciate the “versatility” but feel that it’s “too safe”. Rob gives her a 6 and Tyra a 7. Since she can “take criticism well”, Kelly gifts her an 8.



Kristin: The judges admire the strong face but Kelly calls her a “waitress from Oktoberfest” from the waist down. Kristin receives an 8, 7, and 6.



Nastasia: Rob is unimpressed by her terrible proportions and deems it a 5. Kelly gives it a 7 and Tyra calls it a “short but beautiful” 9.



Yvonne: Kelly thinks it’s “not too strong” and gives her a 5. After she gives her a speech on professionalism, Tyra grants her a 7 while Rob goes with an 8.



Allyssa: Rob doesn’t like the “awkwardness” and gives her a 7. Kelly and Tyra disagree, handing her 8’s for her “beautiful silhouette”.



Brittany: Kelly is unappeased with her “ghostly” look and grants her a terrifying 6. Tyra and Rob, on the other hand, love the “mesmerizing” glare, and give an entranced 10 & 9.



Laura: The fans and judges both agree, she is “crazy good”. She receives 10s from all.

“Now the judges and I will calculate your scores and when you return, I will announce who will be eliminated.”

“Nine beautiful ladies stand before me. But I only have eight photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight girls that are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score, and best picture, is…”

LAURA (46.2)

BRITTANY (39.1)
ALLYSSA (35.7)
KRISTIN (33.9)
KIARA (32.8)
NASTASIA (31.8)

“Will Victoria and Yvonne please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 31.7 to 30.5, that girl is…”

VICTORIA

Yvonne is pleased about leaving and satisfied with not trying during the Comeback.

Next week, the girls will be taking a road trip and “getting blown”. Sounds hot. Apparently, one of Victoria’s phone calls make her “not healthy”, says Allyssa’s tan.

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and until next week...

BINTM c8 episode 6: Bad Fauxmance

Previously on Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model, the girls were asked to open up and expose themselves to 200 schoolchildren (worst porn idea ever!) Then, they had to "man up" for an androgyny shoot. While Emma and Roxanne proved their bestosterone, Anne struggled to find the man inside of her (#smallpenis). But unfortunately, it was Tasmin who was cockblocked, making her the next girl to leave the competition. Now, only 10 girls remain, who will become Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model?

The girls are still reeling over the latest elimination. Even though Anne is crying over her survival, Madeleine is ecstatic because she thinks that her "competition" is starting to crumble and that she "might actually have a chance" to win this. In other news, there was a severe blizzard in the fifth Circle of Hell.

But who cares about the inferno's climate...we, have an E-Mail!

"You know how to walk the walk, but can you talk the talk? Love, Elle."

                                                                 Pardon My French

The girls are met by Whitney and Ludovic Leray, who tells them that they will be shooting an advert for a cell phone company.

Whitney translates into English and states that the girls will be talking on the phone with their lovers using a French script. But to keep it fair, French breed Madeleine will have to speak in Italian.

Whitney informs the girls that they only get three takes to get the perfect commercial.

Awkward Anne had trouble throughout the whole commercial. She keep fumbling the lines and looked very tense, as if she were Carly Rae Jepsen telling her boyfriend that she had a venereal disease.

                                                                   Call Me Scabie

Even though she originally struggled with the words, by the third take, Kellie did trés bien. Jennifer, Roxanne, and Lisa all failed to get the words right, replacing most of the French with curses (isn't that French what already is?). On the other hand, Letitia & Risikat did the commercial flawlessly.

Anita sounded like a malfunctioning answering machine and Emma slipped into Spanish during the shoot. Escanadalo! Despite Italian being a "beautiful" language, Madeleine had no elegance.

After the commercials, Whitney informs us that the winner will gain 5 extra minutes in the next photoshoot, but to do so, she must take away 5 minutes from someone else. And the winner is...

LETITIA! She immediately starts to feel bad about having to pick someone and the girls all tense up. They're just praying their name isn't called and for those few awkward seconds, it's like waiting for a death sentence.

                                                            The Hunger Dames

And District 8's tribute is...

ANNE. Letitia thinks that she can "take it" but then quickly starts to worry because of Anne's bottom two appearance last week.

But the dissapointment doesn't last for long because Whitney announces that the next photo shoot will take place in...PARIS!

                                                             The Joys of Life

After the girls are taken to Paris, they go to a hotel where once again, champagne is thrown at them. But before any alcohol can be consumed and sexualities questioned, out comes...JOY MCLAREN! (Strike the sexualities not being questioned thing)

For those of you who have been living under a rock or have an amnesia for good taste, Joy McLaren was the second runner-up of Britain's Next Top Model cycle 6. Still, she is fabulous. So fabulous in fact, that she is still booking major shows and print ads two years afterwards. And did I mention she's gorgeous?

She is also accompanied by some ogre of a woman (by comparison of course) but I'm much more interested in what Joy has to say.

"I am going to be dropping by your photoshoot tomorrow for moral support because I've been there before and I want to help."

OH! She's so humble! I wonder how glamorous it must be to wake up every morning being so...so joyful.

                                                               If I Were A Joy

But let's not get too "The Roommate" over here.

                                                                   Deja Two

The brand representative tells the girls that they will be shooting an advertisement for Impulse Body Spray. Apparently, giving hickies to a male model with a romantic Parisian backdrop is the perfect setting for the fragrance. Because nothing screams love like a perfume made out of sweat, semen, and the tears of pregnant teens.

                                                    The Smell of Suck-sess

The photographer, Lionel Duley, has shot everyone from Angelina Jolie to Katy Perry. Even though Anne has 5 minutes less than everyone else, he is still confident that she will rock it.

Even though Anne had a nice connection to the male model, she was struggling to look happy. She thought that losing her 5 minutes tore away at her "confidence" and wouldn't let her try "new poses".

Jennifer was initially afraid of being "soft and feminine." But after she loosened up and followed Joy's advice, she gained some momentum with the male model.

Lisa did a spectacular job with the romanticity and received critical acclaim from both the photographer and Joy.

Before the shoot, Anita was very excited to work with the male model. But after the photographer demanded a kiss, the male model refused. Maybe working with Anita has made him permanently flaccid.

                                                                Je Ne Sais Blah

Nevertheless, Anita still has a lot of shots to choose from.

Risikat had to be "glamorous" and the photographer was impressed by her "sex kitten" look. He gave her the "dirty eyes" to inspire her and she got "perfect shots".

Roxanne had trouble keeping herself controlled while still connecting with the male model. The photographer had "trouble" with her but ended up getting something usable.

Letitia had the hard task of being "classically elegant". She was nervous that having the extra time would put more pressure on her but in the end, she "didn't need" the extra 5 minutes.

After the initial struggle of having a stronger face, Madeleine loosened up and softened her face at the end of the shoot.

Despite being "tense and awkward" in the beggining, Kellie ended up being very "playful and flirty" by the end.

Emma was "fantastic" and had a great connection with the male model. In fact, Joy said that the girls were progressively getting more and more comfortable with the male model. I believe that, much like tuberculous, love is in the air. It's as if the romance of Paris is leeching onto the girls the longer they stay in this city.

                                                                         Parisites

At the end of the photoshoot, the girls are taken to a French restaurant where Anita gets a birthday E-Mail. 

                                                   The Twenty Year Old Virgin

Anita gets a special birthday treat. She is allowed to take four friends to a swanky French restaurant to celebrate her special day. She chooses Lisa, Kellie, Risikat, and Roxanne.

At the bistro, the girls toast Anita's impending Alzheimer's with some snails and frog legs. Yum?The rest of the girls had a slumber party (Living's lesbian-prodding is finally paying off!) Emma and Letitia were getting upset over Madeleine's attitude but she is unapologetic.

Risikat agrees, knowing that Madeleine is the "star of the show" and should stay true to herself.

Anita's crew takes one more boat ride around the city to sight see before they leave Paris and go to panel. They all silently contemplate their future lives as glamorous jet-setter models. 

                                                                         PANEL

Filling in the guest judge's seat this week is actress and singer-songwriter Mel B.



Kellie: Whitney finds both her photo and advert "impressive". Mel and Elle find her photo "dreamy" but Tyson disagrees, calling it too "simple".



Letitia: Mel B thinks that she's "drop dead gorgeous". Julian thinks that she's a "rising star" and Elle is in love with her advert.



Risikat: Tyson orgasms over her advert and photo, calling her "a sexy little flirt". Whitney thinks that she was "overselling" but still did a good job.



Anne: Her advert was pure gibberish and the photo didn't have any spark. Elle chastises Letitia for taking the extra 5 minutes from Anne. 



Roxanne: Whitney doesn't like the photo or the advert. Tyson, still hoping to gain access to her Cave of Wonders, calls Roxanne "flaw free". But Elle disagrees, calling it her "least favorite so far."



Lisa: Even though her advert was less than impressive, Lisa has a fantastic photo. Elle and Whitney are in love with the face and Tyson calls it "his favorite so far."



Anita: Mel B loves the "happiness" in this photo. Elle likes how she got a great photo and Julian loves her "transformation". Whitney is upset with the male model for not cooperating but Tyson is satisfied that she didn't "just hump his leg". (jealous?)


Jennifer: Elle doesn't like her advert but is in love with her photo. The judges are all gaga over her "convincing body language".


Emma: Both Whitney and the client agreed that Emma was the worst in the advert. Elle doesn't like the "family reunion" feel to the photo and Mel agrees, calling it "too safe."



Madeleine: Sadly, Madeleine was "not the client's favorite". But even though her advert c'est horrible, Whitney thinks this is her "prettiest picture so far".

"Now the judges and I will deliberate and discuss which one of you will be going home."

The judges think that Kellie and Letitia are both "passable". Elle loves Risikat's "balanced body" and "appeal". Whitney and Tyson like Anne's look in person but are not impressed by her body of work.

If Julian were to ever become a woman, he would want to look like Roxanne (is that a compliment?)Tyson likes the confidence in her photos. Mel thinks that Lisa is "delicious" in person. Anita is once again compared to a young Penelope Cruz.

Jennifer was Mel's "least favorite" but the judges are hopeful. Whitney doesn't think that Emma is "trying" in her photos. Elle links Madeleine to Naomi Campbell (she's more of the soup than the supermodel) and says that she has "tricky angles". So, who will be eliminated?

"Ten beautiful girls stand before me, but I only have nine photos in my hands. And these photos represent the girls who are still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. The first girl I call gets picture of the week..."

                                                                          ANITA

                                                                            LISA
                                                                          LETITIA
                                                                          RISIKAT
                                                                           KELLIE
                                                                        JENNIFER
                                                                      MADELEINE
                                                                        ROXANNE

"Will Anne and Emma please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands and this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. And that girl is..."

                                                                           EMMA

Even though Letitia feels "extremely guilty", Anne is "okay with it". She is grateful for the experience and wishes to "grow" from it.

Next week, the girls are virginal mimes? I don't even know. Later, the girls get upset with Madeleine and Roxanne blows (up over) Julian. It looks positively terrifying. So until next time...

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and I’ll see you next week!