ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 9: "Go See About Me"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models were paired up to teach girls about science with six-second PSAs. When Hadassah won the challenge, Bello had some sour grape(Vines). Afterward, they took on a Life-Size inspired photoshoot where everyone became a doll. While Lacey got the best marks, Courtney reached her shelf life and was eliminated. But in a surprise double elimination, Bello also said goodbye to his porcelain dreams. Now, only 7 models remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

The models return to see Lacey’s photo on the wall. She runs up the stairs to see her new room. With her third week in the Suite, it seems that Tyra is running out of tips for Lacey. With advice like ‘people won’t think you’re sexy if you pose sexy’ and ‘ignore the haters, they’re just jealous’, Tyra’s videos are beginning to look like therapy sessions now. Stop it Tyra, you’re literally projecting yourself.








While Tyra is getting herself some web therapy, the other models think about their next challenge. Devin wants to work on the go-sees to finally show his potential. “This year has been rough,” he confides. “I moved to L.A., I’ve been through a breakup.” If Devin’s lovelife is anything like his modelling; he still committed to at least five other guys.

The next day, the universe decides to honor Devin’s prayers because it is indeed a go-see challenge. Kelly Cutrone warns them that NEXT Model Management despises late models and coming in after the deadline will mean a disqualification (which they can always protest...)

Before letting them loose, Kelly announces the twist. Each model will be paired with an eliminated model and in the end of the week, they will replace someone. Confused? Luckily, Bello is here to explain it in true American Horror Story fashion.



Because she got best picture last week, Lacey gets to choose her partner. Since he’s an atheist, Stefano makes his presence known right away. His perseverance eventually gets the better of Lacey and she chooses Stefano.

Justin and Dustin come together and Mamé hooks up with Courtney. Nyle chooses Delanie and Mikey reunites with Ashley. Hadassah is left with the decision of either Bello or Ava. She could make the choice to repair her friendship or completely destroy it in one fell swoop.

“I choose Ava!”

Oh. Bello can’t believe that:

1) he was not chosen by his best friend in the competition,
2) he’s stuck with Devin for this challenge, and
3) it’s not butter. 

With that, the models are off! Everyone grabs a cab and heads off to their destinations. While some models try to make the best of their situation, Bello and Devin pout the entire ride.

They look like a still from any summer movie about a disgruntled family vacation. Just replace the brooding teens with two sexually frustrated homosexuals and you’ve got a blockbuster. Make it happen, CW!


Are We There Cher Yet?

Justin and Dustin are lost in the city and start to worry, but then remember Kelly’s wise words to use their Oppo phone. I don’t know if she meant to text and drive or accidentally use GPS and end up in a crack den; but I wouldn’t recommend any combination of cell phones + cars.

Meanwhile, Hadassah and Ava have arrived at Koco Blaq and model their swimwear. They comment that Hadassah has the perfect body for bathing suits but Ava needs to work on her runway. In addition, they make a jab at her being too short for the catwalk.

Likewise, Mamé and Courtney are praised for their looks when modelling for Koco Blaq. They say that Mamé probably has the best presence they’ve seen in the entire group and laud her as a perfect spokesmodel. Mamé returns the sentiment and admits that she’d love to be in a swimwear campaign. I guess the old saying is true...


Once You Go Koco Blaq…

Mikey and Ashley get to a formal wear agency and, in the middle of their walk, Justin and Dustin walk in. Instead of just waiting their turn, they barge in and strut for the designers. They aren’t given the time of day because they “weren’t wearing suits” and I concur. It was really rude of them to interrupt Mikey. Did they learn nothing from Bello?

Lacey and Stefano are satisfied with their go-sees and decide to head back. They are so desperate for the win, the two start to beg their respective deities. Lacey starts praying to God, Stefano ponders aimlessly: but their hope is the same; everyone else will be late getting back to NEXT.

Apparently, the call for chaos works because Nyle & Delanie run into problems. After finishing their time at Koco Blaq, Delanie forgets her bag. Then after leaving the cab, she forgets her portfolio. I would be upset at Delanie, but I often forget her too: so it seems like an even trade-off.

For their last go-see, Justin and Dustin walk for a ‘quirky’ designer. He tells them to showcase their radiant personalities on the runway and the boys simply make peace signs at the end of the catwalk. The designer calls them “energetic” and fitting to the brand…



Oh, that explains it.

With only a few minutes left, all of the teams decide to return to NEXT. Bello and Devin are stuck in traffic and they decide to make a run for it. Mamé and Courtney are also in a dangerous position, having gotten to all 4 go-sees but being too far to make it on time.

In the end, Mamé and Courtney are disqualified for being tardy. Kelly announces that Mikey, Nyle, Hadassah, Justin, and Dustin all booked 3 of the shows that they walked for. Because she was late, Mamé gave up her win (having booked all 4). So, the de facto winner is...HADASSAH.

Like a true pageant girl, runner-up Hadassah was happy to snatch Mamé’s victory from her. 

Back in the house, Bello is upset that Hadassah “ruined their friendship.” I guess Bello really was here to make friends, because his impassioned speech reeks of betrayal. He wishes her a “good life” and swears to never speak to Hadassah again.

With all of that out of the way, the models are taken to their photoshoot. Yu Tsai surprises them with the news that they’ll be sharing the spotlight this week:



When you think about it, a photoshoot with dogs is kind of fitting for this week. Just like canines, the models are desperately trying to claim their territory in this competition. Luckily, they don’t do so by peeing (at least, not without a diaper…)

Yu Tsai promises that each dog has been matched to fit their owner’s personality. If we’re judging by that criteria, there are going to be some interesting hounds:

• Hadassah and Mamé’s dog wins best-in-show every year.
• Mikey’s dog just came back from getting neutered.
• Devin’s dog is signed to 6 different walkers.
• Bello’s dog is not at the park to make friends.

All of the models do fairly well, so let’s just skip the dog days and go directly to panel. We can’t waste a lot of time, models get older even faster in dog years.

Panel


The judges feel the relationship in Hadassah’s picture. Kelly describes it as Parisian and posh. Devin, on the other hand, is over-the-top in his depiction of a classy figure. He suffers the same problem as Mikey: neither of them have versatility in their looks. In fact, Miss Jay says that Mikey’s face is the exact same in every photo thus far.


Tyra likes Lacey’s face and Kelly concurs, calling it a ‘fierce’ photo. With Mamé, however, the judges are more split. Miss Jay loves the intensity of her pose but Kelly thinks there isn’t enough of a fashion element. Tyra laments the pose, pointing out that it makes Mamé look shorter.
The problem with Justin’s photo, Tyra explains, is that there’s a disconnect between his face and the rest of his body. This is the complete opposite of Nyle, who has a sexy “primordial wolf energy” throughout the photo. Kelly calls it fit for an ad campaign and the others agree.


Tyra loves the intensity of Bello’s eyes, and Kelly mentions that his energy matches the dog. Likewise, the judges fawn over Dustin; calling it strong and connected. Miss Jay doesn’t like the lack of energy in Ashley’s face, and the women agree; calling it a bit dead in the eyes.

Kelly calls Courtney a “bad ass Lolita” and the others agree. Her personality shines through in this picture. Delanie’s pose is “nice” and demure enough for the brief.

Even though Ava is very “on point with that type of woman”, Tyra fears that her picture isn’t enough to overcome her go-see blunder. Stefano, on the other hand, is elegant and powerful, similar to his presence during the challenge.

Now that the judges have seen all the photos, the comeback begins. With the smallest combined total, the models not returning to the competition are:

ASHLEY (27.1)

DELANIE (30.5)

BELLO (30.6)

COURTNEY (32.5)

AVA (34)

And with a score of 35.1 to 35.0, the returning model is…

DUSTIN

Now, who will Dustin be replacing in the competition? The model with the best score is…
NYLE (39)

HADASSAH (36.6)

LACEY (36.4)

MAME (32.9)

MIKEY (32.2)

“Will Devin and Justin please step forward? Only one of you will stay in this competition and join us in...LAS VEGAS!”

Now, normally, this would be the time where Tyra removes her tearaway to reveal a showgirl costume and cackles as she announces, “I only have one plane ticket in my hands…” But this is a new age where ANTM’s budget has plummeted faster than its relevancy.

So, Tyra decides to announce the international transnational destination by throwing up a casino montage and shower the models with dollar bills. Now, we know good and goddamn well Marvin’s father spent the next two hours picking it right back up; but let’s not break the illusion: make it rain Tyra!


Instead of eliminating them right there and then, Tyra decides to wait until the next episode to get rid of either Justin or Devin. I wouldn’t be surprised if she drove them to a casino and keeps whoever can afford a plane ticket.

Next week, we’ll find out which guy joins everyone else in the desert. Then, the final seven will explore Vegas for a music video shoot. Who will strike big in Vegas? Until next time!

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 8: "G.I. No"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models learned how to act. Lacey acted like she actually has common sense and won the CW sitcom challenge. At a commercial shoot for Boom Boom Boom Deodorant, Devin caused a stink. But it was ultimately Ashley who didn’t get a callback: now with nine models left; who will be eliminated tonight?

As soon as they return to the Top Model house, Mikey and Devin go to the posing station to mourn Ashley. 

At least Devin bothered to wear black. Come on Mikey, it wouldn’t kill you to dress up for the occasion. Just think of it like a wedding, a prom, or one of your brothers’ parole hearings.

Nevertheless, Mikey tries to wrap his mind around the loss: “it’s like they took the L from TLC,” Mikey explains. Except in this case, we’re keeping in the Ls.

Devin can’t hold himself together as well as Mikey. Devin starts caterwauling about losing the “best friend and person in the entire world”. They’re at a funeral pyre but Devin still manages to be the most flaming one in the room…

What I don’t understand is Mikey’s nonchalance about the elimination. He states that he misses Ashley, but wants to focus on the competition. It seems like a cover-up for what he’s really thinking: a perfect time to swoop in and repair his relationship with Courtney. 

She mentioned wanting to reconnect with Mikey and Devin because the beginning of the competition was hard for her. Courtney even takes the time to think of a new title for their squad: DMC. I know she doesn’t know much about the outside world, but that name is practically ordering Courtney to save herself: Run (away from) DMC.

Those boys haven’t treated you right, you think they care about you Court? You might be loving for (Courtney) Love in all the wrong places, but she is desperate for companionship.

Meanwhile, Lacey is celebrating her win in the Tyra Suite. Her and Nyle are blessed to have a third week in the Suite away from the dramatics downstairs. After laying on her bed, Lacey decides to watch the Ty-Ty Tip. Tyra warns her not to get too sexual in her photos and applauds her growth throughout the competition.

While Lacey was excited to get the attention from Tyra, I would be really worried. With the way this season is going, Lacey reminds me a lot of last cycle’s Lenox: her name starts with an L, she’s a virgin, has lots of first-call-outs, and Tyra punishes her sensuality. Lacey, if you want to avoid getting fourth place, you better spend the night with a guy soon. Take one for the team, Nyle!

As if all of this drama isn’t enough, Hadassah starts feeling suspicious of Bello. She mentions that her relationship with him started strong, but has started getting rocky. I can agree with Hadassah’s sentiment. Bello has been acting strange lately: hanging out alone, eating food outside, staring at Hadassah from a distance...these are all signs of a distressed man.

Bello explains that...WAIT FOR IT...he is “not here to make friends.” His eyes may be unique, but that phrase is as cliche as they come. But Bello doesn’t care; he came to Los Angeles with fifteen dollars in his pocket and a brother’s floor to sleep on. Bello is determined to not squander the opportunity. Friendship doesn’t pay the bills, but then again, neither does Bello…

Now that the stage has been set, the models are driven to a high school for their next challenge. Miss Jay plays a message from Tyra that introduces their objective: create a six-second Vine about gender inequality in the STEM fields. 

For those who are unaware about the pay-gap, let’s use ANTM as a learning tool. If Nina was asked to dress up as an androgynous sex robot instead, she would have been paid 52 cents compared to Cory’s dollar. Talk about inequality: both of those wages aren’t enough for that job!

Miss Jay then brings out the special judge for this challenge: Brittany Furlan.

If you’re scratching your head and asking ‘who’, you’re not that far off. She’s credited as a ‘Vine star’, but that means absolutely nothing to me. She explains that making Vine PSAs will be a great way to recruit young women into the science industry. Yes, people with the attention span to watch a video snippet are the ones I want handling dangerous chemicals! No wonder Brittany is so popular on Vine, she’s probably more tolerable in six second bursts.

With all of that, Brittany splits up the models into groups of three: Bello/Courtney/Devin, Justin/Lacey/Nyle, and Hadassah/Mamé/Mikey. She offers up her Vine ‘expertise’ for those teams that can’t turn on a phone and click ‘go to app’. Courtney appreciates the guidance.

Before they go off, Miss Jay assigns each group a word that goes with their PSA. Hadassah has ‘Respect’, Bello has ‘Power’, and Lacey has ‘Money’. I’d say that Hadassah’s team has a bit of a disadvantage; the easiest way to show respect for yourself is to not do this challenge...

Still, the models go out and try to emulate these traits. Brittany, whose career as a Viner gives her neither respect or power, decides to help out the Money team first. She likes the direction that Nyle and Justin are headed with letting the dollar bills “speak for themselves.” 

For their Power PSA, Bello and Devin decide to act like bullies taunting the schoolgirl Courtney. At first I realized how weird it is to see 20-year-olds playing teenagers but then I remembered that this is on the CW...

That however, is the least of their concerns. After getting some of the frames necessary for their Vine, Bello accidentally deletes the footage. Brittany tries to retrieve the data but no avail. Well, when the Vine expert can’t help, that’s when you know the situation is dire.

Hadassah, Mikey, and Mamé decide to go for the comedic approach. I’m not sure how they plan to make gender discrimination in the workplace funny, but at long as they don’t take advice from Jerry Springfield; Mikey’s team should be fine.

After finishing the videos, each team’s Vine is assessed by the schoolgirls. For having the most ‘relatable’ PSA, the winners of this challenge are...

Unfortunately, the winners aren’t actually given any monetary prizes for their victory. I suppose encouraging young female minds is reward enough, but making six-second clips isn’t going to inspire anyone. Might as well have given Mikey a date with Brittany Furlan: get ready for DMB!

Even though he got a low challenge score, Devin is happy because he can still celebrate something else. “It’s my birthday,” he proclaims. “I’m turning 22 in cycle 22.” I figure that’s pretty fitting for Devin: he’s signed to 6 agencies when he was 6! He’s been in the bottom 2 and his eyes look in 2 different directions!

He begins the party by marking the moment. Because he doesn’t have an Oppo phone to himself, Devin decides to use Nyle’s Oppo phone for selfies (was that a proper amount of Oppo phone mentions?). Nyle sees that Devin’s not taking the Oppo(tunities) to communicate and gets angry. I’d be upset too if someone used my Oppo phone to take this horrid selfie.

Nyle may not be able to hear evil, but he can still see it Devin! In the end, the models once again apologize for leaving Nyle out of the party. 

After their festive night, the models are driven to the studio for their next shoot. They walk in to see Erik Asla taking pictures of Tyra’s box. Enough with your sex life, Ty-Ty!

Tyra explains that she wants the models to pose as dolls; inspired by her movie Life-Size. She assigns them each different doll themes. Sadly, matryoshka wasn’t one of them. With the recent formation of DMC, Courtney’s already in Mikey, so I don’t see why it can’t be applied to the photoshoot...

For the most part, everyone struggled with the concept of body isolations and posing like a doll. The biggest endeavor came from Courtney.

When she arrived on set, she didn’t know what a ‘fierce fashionista’ was and asked Yu Tsai for help. He was shocked that Courtney could lack such basic terminology. Next you’re gonna tell me she doesn’t know a booching baller is!

Yu Tsai decides to ask if she can relate to the models in Vogue. When she admits to not reading the magazine, Yu flips out on Courtney. Sorry Yu, don’t you know? Everyone Vines now, there’s not any time to read a 720 page book every week. Get with the times!

After all of the models pose as dolls, they return home to find a special surprise. The elimination will be a double: everyone is scared that their time may be up.

PANEL



Kelly likes Nyle’s body definition and before Tyra can salivate over the words boom boom boom, Miss Jay mentions Nyle’s weird hand proportions. Likewise, Justinhas good skin and believability with his entire picture. Courtney, on the other hand, is “too scary” for Kelly. Tyra is more shocked that she doesn’t read Vogue. 


Similar to Nyle, Mikey has a weird disconnect between his hands and body. In addition, Tyra admits that Mikey didn’t have a lot of good frames to choose from. Kelly laments that Bello can’t translate his personality into a photo; saying it lacks attitude. Miss Jay is confused about Hadassah’s dazed expression. Tyra praises her for steadily improving each week.


Kelly likes that Lacey interacted with the set and Tyra loves the face. As for Devin, Miss Jay is worried about the return of the eyebrow. Tyra calls the kettle black the photo too dramatic. Lastly, the judges agree that Mamé looks too pedestrian in her picture.

Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

LACEY (38.5)

NYLE (37.2)

JUSTIN (35.8)

MIKEY (35.7)

HADASSAH (34.2)

MAME (31.6)

“With the lowest score of 27.8, the first person eliminated is…”

COURTNEY

“And with a score of 31.5 to 31.0, the model that stays in the competition is…”

DEVIN

Courtney is happy for the opportunity to escape the drama and return home. She wants to go and make sure her disabled brother Emmanuel is doing all right. Bello, on the other hand, is offended at the judges’ implication that he lacks passion. He swears that if there’s a chance of a comeback, he will return to the competition and snatch the crown.
Luckily, next week may see his dream come true. The remaining models are paired with the eliminated ones for a go-see challenge, which may see one of them return to the competition.That, coupled with a canine-themed photoshoot, may see Bello come back. So until then, remember…

The Bitch Is Back

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 7: "Life's A Beach"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models simply made advertisements for Simply Be. After winning the challenge, Nyle also took home best picture during a possession-themed photoshoot. Even though Courtney’s potential was up in the air, Ava couldn’t bare to be Linda Blair. Ultimately, the Christian girl became Tyra’s prey. Now, only ten models remain, who will be eliminated tonight?

As the models walk in, everyone congratulates Nyle for getting best picture. Even though he appreciates the sentiment, Nyle is concerned that he’s “not connecting” with the other models. He thinks about ways to reduce his solitude while taking a bubble bath.

What a great idea Nyle! That’s the “love tub” from last episode; so if he wants the company of (a horny) Mamé, Ashley, Justin, and Mikey: just stay there till nightfall.

Unfortunately, Nyle decides to go back to the Tyra Suite instead. He is greeted with a video of Tyra clumsily attempting sign language. I know ‘getting handsy’ takes on a new meaning with deaf people, but this is a little ridiculous…

Nevertheless, Tyra celebrates his challenge win and then motions toward her breasts a couple of times. The subtitles say “remember to be sexy in pictures, Nyle’’ but I think some of the nuance was lost in translation.

Elsewhere, Mamé is growing concerned about her relationship with Justin. Even though they like each other, Mamé feels that Justin is “drifting away” from her. He confesses that he wants to “focus on the competition,” but I think Mamé is the better investment. Justin’s relationship would last at least three months; much longer than any modelling career this show has to offer…

Decisions, decisions…

After Justin sleeps on it, the models are given a new challenge. They meet with a producer from The CW and her group of advisors. Each model will be paired up and be asked to perform a “Shakespearean love scene” for the entourage. 

Kelly promises the winner a walk-on role on a ‘scripted’ CW show. I’d like to say that all reality television is scripted, but I can’t honestly proclaim that someone was paid to write stuff like ‘this photo needs a good no-neck monster.” No, salaried writers are reserved for finer content:

In addition to the role of smizing pedestrian, the winner of this challenge will also gain a perfect score, a huge advantage for this week.

Lacey is especially excited for this challenge. She admits that it’s been her childhood hope to star on a sitcom. Being on a television network with a 20% retention rate: one can only dream!

Fortunately, the CW has such a diverse pool of programing that whoever wins will find their perfect match. Only few channels can provide such quality shows that mysteriously get cancelled after their first season…

Mame - Privileged

Devin -H8R

Ashley - Gossip Girl

Hadassah - 8 Simple Rules (for Living with Me)

Bello - 90210

Justin - Valentine

Mikey -18 to Life

Nyle -The Originals

Lacey -Jane the Virgin

Courtney - Farmer Wants A Wife

With his dream job on the line, Devin worries about being funny. Devin, didn’t you hear that Denzel won a role in a Tyler Perry program last season? There’s no reason to be comedic!

Still, Devin attempts to fill up his performance with campy flair. “If I get someone laughing, I’ve done my job,” Devin declares. With that attitude, he’ll never be a writer for The CW…

Bello and Mikey also mess up their delivery of the scene. In fact, only Lacey and Nyle seem to be able to make any sense of the acting challenge.

So...with only two choices, the CW decides to give the win to Lacey! She jumps up and down in celebration. Feigning excitement over a twelve second cameo in The Flash? Lacey did deserve to win this acting challenge.

Back in the house, Devin is saddened over the fact that he got a low challenge score.

How poetic that Devin got a 6. It’s the same number of agencies he’s signed to. That’s also the age he was during his last modelling campaign; so the number holds meaning for him.

In celebration of his best picture last week, Nyle gets to have a “sign and dine” with a friend from back home. Brittany, his high school sweetheart, comes bye to destroy Kelly Cutrone’s dreams.

Wanting to feel connected to all of the other models, Nyle invites them all to a silent dinner. He and Brittany take turns teaching the models how to sign. Even though they shake their hands like they’re at a Prince concert, Nyle appreciates the effort.

After dinner, the models are whisked away for a commercial shoot at the beach. Yu Tsai introduces their product: Boom Boom Boom Deodorant.

I don’t know if Tyra has lost all credibility or if someone is just a huge fan of Katy Perry’s Firework, but I don’t think Boom Boom Boom is an actual brand.

Nevertheless, the models are paired up for this sexy scene. Mikey and Mamé are once again forced to come together and passionately kiss on set.

Oh, you two. Go get a room (preferably Nyle’s. He gets so lonely…)

Bello and Courtney have a bit of a harder time getting it on. She doesn’t have the confidence to see herself as a sexy being and thus, fails at the shoot. Likewise, Ashley and Nyle find it awkward to look seductive on film.

Lacey tries hard not to let Devin drag her down. She focuses all of her energies on performing her own pictures, and with good reason. He oversexualizes his poses and end up looking more bothered than hot.

Hadassah and Justin waste no time getting their shots. Mamé is a little jealous but she knows that this is just another side of modelling. Hadassah feels strange and worries this might start their feud back up. Getting felt up by Justin: yet another thing that Mamé and Hadassah have in common!

After they clean up all the sand in their pants, the models prepare for the impending elimination.

Panel


Mikey & Mame have a great chemistry. Miss Jay thinks that Mame relies on being pretty, but the women disagree. Tyra loves that she’s ‘inhaling’ and showcasing her profile. Mikey, on the other hand, is visibly struggling with the cold.


The judges agree that Justin is the star of this commercial. Hadassah is treated more like his ‘accessory’ than another model.


Just like Justin before him, Bello is the more dominant model in this commercial. Kelly admits that Courtney gave great visual moments when she wasn’t delivering lines.


Devin is ‘too campy’ for Tyra: she exclaims as she begins an exaggerated retelling of Devin’s commercial. Miss Jay is happy that Lacey listened to the advice from the challenge and continued to act well.


The judges are all in unision about Nyle & Ashley's commercial. It seems to have a lack of passion and Kelly blames it on the real-life affairs in the house.
Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

LACEY (37.1)

MAME (35)

NYLE (34.7)

BELLO (33.7)

MIKEY (33.1)

JUSTIN (31.3)

HADASSAH (30.1)

COURTNEY (29.5)

“And with a score of 28.4 to 27.2, the model that stays in the competition is…”

DEVIN

Ashley is happy to have experienced the trials and tribulations of the modelling world. She hopes to use this platform as a starting point and use her story to inspire more victims of sexual abuse to speak out.

Next week, the models take on a PSA for troubled youth. Then, they’ll pose as childhood dolls. Get ready to live a teenage dream next week, there’ll be skin tight jeans.