ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 8: "G.I. No"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models learned how to act. Lacey acted like she actually has common sense and won the CW sitcom challenge. At a commercial shoot for Boom Boom Boom Deodorant, Devin caused a stink. But it was ultimately Ashley who didn’t get a callback: now with nine models left; who will be eliminated tonight?

As soon as they return to the Top Model house, Mikey and Devin go to the posing station to mourn Ashley. 

At least Devin bothered to wear black. Come on Mikey, it wouldn’t kill you to dress up for the occasion. Just think of it like a wedding, a prom, or one of your brothers’ parole hearings.

Nevertheless, Mikey tries to wrap his mind around the loss: “it’s like they took the L from TLC,” Mikey explains. Except in this case, we’re keeping in the Ls.

Devin can’t hold himself together as well as Mikey. Devin starts caterwauling about losing the “best friend and person in the entire world”. They’re at a funeral pyre but Devin still manages to be the most flaming one in the room…

What I don’t understand is Mikey’s nonchalance about the elimination. He states that he misses Ashley, but wants to focus on the competition. It seems like a cover-up for what he’s really thinking: a perfect time to swoop in and repair his relationship with Courtney. 

She mentioned wanting to reconnect with Mikey and Devin because the beginning of the competition was hard for her. Courtney even takes the time to think of a new title for their squad: DMC. I know she doesn’t know much about the outside world, but that name is practically ordering Courtney to save herself: Run (away from) DMC.

Those boys haven’t treated you right, you think they care about you Court? You might be loving for (Courtney) Love in all the wrong places, but she is desperate for companionship.

Meanwhile, Lacey is celebrating her win in the Tyra Suite. Her and Nyle are blessed to have a third week in the Suite away from the dramatics downstairs. After laying on her bed, Lacey decides to watch the Ty-Ty Tip. Tyra warns her not to get too sexual in her photos and applauds her growth throughout the competition.

While Lacey was excited to get the attention from Tyra, I would be really worried. With the way this season is going, Lacey reminds me a lot of last cycle’s Lenox: her name starts with an L, she’s a virgin, has lots of first-call-outs, and Tyra punishes her sensuality. Lacey, if you want to avoid getting fourth place, you better spend the night with a guy soon. Take one for the team, Nyle!

As if all of this drama isn’t enough, Hadassah starts feeling suspicious of Bello. She mentions that her relationship with him started strong, but has started getting rocky. I can agree with Hadassah’s sentiment. Bello has been acting strange lately: hanging out alone, eating food outside, staring at Hadassah from a distance...these are all signs of a distressed man.

Bello explains that...WAIT FOR IT...he is “not here to make friends.” His eyes may be unique, but that phrase is as cliche as they come. But Bello doesn’t care; he came to Los Angeles with fifteen dollars in his pocket and a brother’s floor to sleep on. Bello is determined to not squander the opportunity. Friendship doesn’t pay the bills, but then again, neither does Bello…

Now that the stage has been set, the models are driven to a high school for their next challenge. Miss Jay plays a message from Tyra that introduces their objective: create a six-second Vine about gender inequality in the STEM fields. 

For those who are unaware about the pay-gap, let’s use ANTM as a learning tool. If Nina was asked to dress up as an androgynous sex robot instead, she would have been paid 52 cents compared to Cory’s dollar. Talk about inequality: both of those wages aren’t enough for that job!

Miss Jay then brings out the special judge for this challenge: Brittany Furlan.

If you’re scratching your head and asking ‘who’, you’re not that far off. She’s credited as a ‘Vine star’, but that means absolutely nothing to me. She explains that making Vine PSAs will be a great way to recruit young women into the science industry. Yes, people with the attention span to watch a video snippet are the ones I want handling dangerous chemicals! No wonder Brittany is so popular on Vine, she’s probably more tolerable in six second bursts.

With all of that, Brittany splits up the models into groups of three: Bello/Courtney/Devin, Justin/Lacey/Nyle, and Hadassah/Mamé/Mikey. She offers up her Vine ‘expertise’ for those teams that can’t turn on a phone and click ‘go to app’. Courtney appreciates the guidance.

Before they go off, Miss Jay assigns each group a word that goes with their PSA. Hadassah has ‘Respect’, Bello has ‘Power’, and Lacey has ‘Money’. I’d say that Hadassah’s team has a bit of a disadvantage; the easiest way to show respect for yourself is to not do this challenge...

Still, the models go out and try to emulate these traits. Brittany, whose career as a Viner gives her neither respect or power, decides to help out the Money team first. She likes the direction that Nyle and Justin are headed with letting the dollar bills “speak for themselves.” 

For their Power PSA, Bello and Devin decide to act like bullies taunting the schoolgirl Courtney. At first I realized how weird it is to see 20-year-olds playing teenagers but then I remembered that this is on the CW...

That however, is the least of their concerns. After getting some of the frames necessary for their Vine, Bello accidentally deletes the footage. Brittany tries to retrieve the data but no avail. Well, when the Vine expert can’t help, that’s when you know the situation is dire.

Hadassah, Mikey, and Mamé decide to go for the comedic approach. I’m not sure how they plan to make gender discrimination in the workplace funny, but at long as they don’t take advice from Jerry Springfield; Mikey’s team should be fine.

After finishing the videos, each team’s Vine is assessed by the schoolgirls. For having the most ‘relatable’ PSA, the winners of this challenge are...

Unfortunately, the winners aren’t actually given any monetary prizes for their victory. I suppose encouraging young female minds is reward enough, but making six-second clips isn’t going to inspire anyone. Might as well have given Mikey a date with Brittany Furlan: get ready for DMB!

Even though he got a low challenge score, Devin is happy because he can still celebrate something else. “It’s my birthday,” he proclaims. “I’m turning 22 in cycle 22.” I figure that’s pretty fitting for Devin: he’s signed to 6 agencies when he was 6! He’s been in the bottom 2 and his eyes look in 2 different directions!

He begins the party by marking the moment. Because he doesn’t have an Oppo phone to himself, Devin decides to use Nyle’s Oppo phone for selfies (was that a proper amount of Oppo phone mentions?). Nyle sees that Devin’s not taking the Oppo(tunities) to communicate and gets angry. I’d be upset too if someone used my Oppo phone to take this horrid selfie.

Nyle may not be able to hear evil, but he can still see it Devin! In the end, the models once again apologize for leaving Nyle out of the party. 

After their festive night, the models are driven to the studio for their next shoot. They walk in to see Erik Asla taking pictures of Tyra’s box. Enough with your sex life, Ty-Ty!

Tyra explains that she wants the models to pose as dolls; inspired by her movie Life-Size. She assigns them each different doll themes. Sadly, matryoshka wasn’t one of them. With the recent formation of DMC, Courtney’s already in Mikey, so I don’t see why it can’t be applied to the photoshoot...

For the most part, everyone struggled with the concept of body isolations and posing like a doll. The biggest endeavor came from Courtney.

When she arrived on set, she didn’t know what a ‘fierce fashionista’ was and asked Yu Tsai for help. He was shocked that Courtney could lack such basic terminology. Next you’re gonna tell me she doesn’t know a booching baller is!

Yu Tsai decides to ask if she can relate to the models in Vogue. When she admits to not reading the magazine, Yu flips out on Courtney. Sorry Yu, don’t you know? Everyone Vines now, there’s not any time to read a 720 page book every week. Get with the times!

After all of the models pose as dolls, they return home to find a special surprise. The elimination will be a double: everyone is scared that their time may be up.

PANEL



Kelly likes Nyle’s body definition and before Tyra can salivate over the words boom boom boom, Miss Jay mentions Nyle’s weird hand proportions. Likewise, Justinhas good skin and believability with his entire picture. Courtney, on the other hand, is “too scary” for Kelly. Tyra is more shocked that she doesn’t read Vogue. 


Similar to Nyle, Mikey has a weird disconnect between his hands and body. In addition, Tyra admits that Mikey didn’t have a lot of good frames to choose from. Kelly laments that Bello can’t translate his personality into a photo; saying it lacks attitude. Miss Jay is confused about Hadassah’s dazed expression. Tyra praises her for steadily improving each week.


Kelly likes that Lacey interacted with the set and Tyra loves the face. As for Devin, Miss Jay is worried about the return of the eyebrow. Tyra calls the kettle black the photo too dramatic. Lastly, the judges agree that Mamé looks too pedestrian in her picture.

Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

LACEY (38.5)

NYLE (37.2)

JUSTIN (35.8)

MIKEY (35.7)

HADASSAH (34.2)

MAME (31.6)

“With the lowest score of 27.8, the first person eliminated is…”

COURTNEY

“And with a score of 31.5 to 31.0, the model that stays in the competition is…”

DEVIN

Courtney is happy for the opportunity to escape the drama and return home. She wants to go and make sure her disabled brother Emmanuel is doing all right. Bello, on the other hand, is offended at the judges’ implication that he lacks passion. He swears that if there’s a chance of a comeback, he will return to the competition and snatch the crown.
Luckily, next week may see his dream come true. The remaining models are paired with the eliminated ones for a go-see challenge, which may see one of them return to the competition.That, coupled with a canine-themed photoshoot, may see Bello come back. So until then, remember…

The Bitch Is Back

ANTM cycle 21 episode 8: "Termigaytor: Rise of the Machines"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models fought for the coveted role of an extra on a undisclosed CW series. Then, they had to put their drama skills to the test during a frozen photoshoot. Even though Lenoxacted like she’s got actual competition, she won best picture anyway. While Raelia froze up, it was Kari who melted away. Now, only nine models remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Back at the House, Denzel decides to sit Will down and explain why he was so spiteful at panel. “I’m sorry,” Denzel pleads. “But I was raised by an old-school man and Will has to respect my upbringing.” Considering Denzel brought a beer bottle and smacking hands, I fear that his “old school” morals involve an old fashion ass kicking. 

Personally, I think the pair cannot reconcile their differences; but Ivory wants to make it work with Ebony. I would love to be wrong and see Denzel overcome his bigoted background, but I fear that their rocky past is too much to move past. If Will “has a friend” in Denzel by the end of this competition, I will glady...

Eat (Jim) Crow

On the other side of the House, Mirjana is hungry for attention. She admits that day by day, she has been “falling in love” with Denzel. She looks forward to his cuddling and likes “to feel his wet kisses” against her lips. Someone please buy Mirjana a puppy, slap a beard weave on it, and she won’t be able to tell the difference!

The next day, the models are taken to a studio where Kelly Cutrone introduces Marvin Scott Jarrett. He is a correspondent of Nylon, and one of those responsible for such monstrosities.

“We need someone whose natural, fun, and effortlessly cool,” he babbles in a lifeless monotone. Marvin then introduces something that Kelly has devoted “fifteen years of her life” to. Seeing as she labels herself as a “dream crusher”, I’m guessing this will be a photoshoot with the thing that broke Cutrone’s own spirit: her 15-year-old daughter…

Unfortunately, we’re not ready for that amount of soul-sucking. Instead, Kelly showcases her fashion line: Electronic Love Army. If you ever wanted to drape black and slightly-less-black quilts on yourself, these are the clothes for you!

Mirjana, Lenox, and Denzel go first. They are assigned ‘Electronic’, but they decide to go for a shouting theme instead. Are they looking at the cost of these overpriced rags? Did they start shopping at Hot Topic? Has Mirjana’s boyfriend finally received his breakup letter? Nevermind the situation, they look like a group of scared banshees.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Shriek No Evil

I guess they are selling the Kelly Cutrone brand! Unfortunately, Denzel takes off his shirt for the second shoot. Kelly warns him that the body oil on his chest isn’t attractive, but Denzel heeds her warnings. Being next to all these high heels is triggering his alpha-male instincts. That’s just the masculinity oozing out of him, Cutrone! 

Will, Matthew, and Raelia are given the “Love” command. Matthew may not believe in labels, but I’m pretty sure Raelia is a ‘third wheel’ here. Still, she tries to slip herself into the manfest that manifests between Matthew and Will. She squeaks by with a suggestion that they should make a flattering photograph, but Matthew wants it to be more sexy. They agree tit for tat and Raelia does one topless shoot before doing her sultry threeway idea. 

Meanwhile, Adam, Keith, and Shei make war, not love. Adam attempts to show off his guns, but Shei takes another approach with the “Army” concept. The trio decides to make victory poses, and make dynamic shapes.

“I think you look so modern,” Marvin reads from his Nokia. “Shei, you are cool and I think your team really has the Nylon look.” he says with feigned excitement. Shei is ecstatic that she will be on Nylon TV and compliments Marvin’s taste. Considering he spends more time breaking hips than being hip, I’m sure Marvin is elated to see some fresh youth in the magazine. 

Back home, the models look at their challenge scores. Mirjana, Denzel, and Lenox are shocked to see their team has gotten the worst scores of the day. Lenox blames these dismal points on Mirjana and Denzel’s raging hormones.

Mark of the Yeast

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. When Mirjana overhears some of the girls talking about Denzel, she realizes that he’s only been using her for her body. 

She storms up to Denzel outside and confronts him:

Mirjana: “Did you say things about me that I should know about?”
Denzel: “Um, that you’re too young?”
Mirjana: “Why don’t you just hit up a nursing home? You want liverspots, not G-spots.”
Denzel (strokes beard weave): “And you have a boyfriend back home. This is just to fill a void while we’re here.” 
Mirjana: “Well, I’m not here to fill your voids.”
Denzel: “No homo.”
Mirjana: “You can just go upstairs and separate our beds because we are over.”
Denzel: “Fine. I don’t need to sleep with you anyway.”
Mirjana (sucks thumb instead of Denzel): “Fine. It’s my bedtime anyway so, goodbye! Don’t talk to me ever!”

After the implosion of Denzel and Mirjana’s relationship, the models decide to call it a day. After sleeping by themselves, the models are taken to another photoshoot: where they meet up with Tyra.

“I’m here to reveal your DNA tests,” she squeals after introducing the models to Ken Chahine. “Say hello to your real father a representative from AncestryDNA.” 

Tyra then proclaims that all of these models have some common backgrounds. She is hell-bent on proving that these people all stem from common roots. Tyra must really want to look at Keith’s family history to make sure their babies are top notch. 

Anyway, she goes on a spree picking random models and assigning them some new cultures. Tyra is frustrated that people have gone so long with assimilation and should be proud of their backgrounds. She makes the point that everyone is connected in some way: Denzel is probably Mirjana’s eighth-cousin thrice-removed on her great-grandmother’s best friend’s side. Really dodged a bullet there, Mirj! 

Tyra calls Lenox, Raelia, and Mirjana forward: claiming that they all share some Asian heritage. There is no specification, just Asian. Did their ancestors sleep with the entire continent? If they finished within two minutes, well, color me impressed.

The most “shocking” is that Will and Denzel share three links in their ancestry:

Denzel is surprised that he can share all of these identities with Will. Birds of a same beard weave flock together…

Now that the models have spent three minutes living with their new cultures, Tyra decides to make them embody these identities in a photoshoot. She picks out an assortment of tacky appropriations that the models must wear. I would go into how inappropriate this concept is, but I fear that Tyra might make me apologize to it instead.

The models are then given another element of the shoot. Cory Wade from cycle 20 returns in a robot costume, announcing that"In the future, scientists believe that ethnicities will eventually mesh into one. Scientists also believe that artificial intelligence will merge with human beings and the two will become one. So today you will be falling in love with a robot.” 

So, I think it’s safe to assume that Tyra has no credentials at all. She probably think Blade Runner is a futuristic catwalk. Nevertheless, she wants the models to pose with Cory while still retaining their newly given identities.

Shei wears her Irish identity on her sleeve (literally, it’s a green bracelet.) Tyra is disappointed that she doesn’t have enough passion behind her pose. Likewise, Matthew doesn’t yet have a grasp of his lifelong Spanish heritage. His poses don’t match his face, and by the end, the shoot has gone rogue. 

Luckily, Raelia is ready to work. Despite having one of the most egregious outfits, she channels her 1/64 Native American on set. Tyra is eager that Raelia’s poses overpowered Cory instead of working with him. The photographer adored the great resistance to technology Raelia embodied on set. The irony is rich in this one.

(Hu)manifest Destiny

Mirjana, on the other hand, wastes her tears on another separation. The breakup with Denzel still weighs on her mind, and she struggles to focus on set. Even posing with Cory reminds her of the drama back home.

Likewise, Denzel is a little uncomfortable posing with the man. Now that he and Will are soul brothers, Denzel redirects his homophobia to Cory. He is steadfast in his “masculine” poses, and forgets the romantic concept of the photoshoot.

When Lenox walks on set, she is focused and ready to shoot. She has no distractions, so her connection with Cory is strong. Will also finds a fast bond with Cory, and delivers strong poses on set.

After the shoot, the models return home to the news that an elimination will take place tomorrow. Even though she has broken things off with Denzel, Mirjana confesses that she “still misses him.” It’s been a day, not a decade. Get a grip, Mirjana!

Still, she wants the affection that comes with Denzel’s company. Even though he repeats that he doesn’t see a relationship sprouting from this union, Mirjana allows them to get back together. Within minutes, they kiss and make-up. I guess this shoot has made Mirjana realize how much she cares for Denzel. 

Once You Go Black (and Finnish and Scandinavian and European Jewish and…)

Now that the lovebirds are back on track, the rest of the models fly the coup: eager for the next elimination.

Panel

Tyra likes Mirjana’s face but Miss Jay thinks she looks disproportionate. She receives a 7, 8, and 9 from the judges.

Tyra likes the “knee tooch (?)” and along with Miss Jay, gives Raelia an 8. Kelly feels the disconnect and deems the photo a 6.

The judges feel that Shei is very stiff in her posing. She gets two 8s and a 7.

Tyra likes the cheekbones but Miss Jay compares it a “Life-Alert ad.” Adam is given two 7s and a 9.

While Matthew always gives good face, his body is lukewarm. He receives a triad of 7s.

Kelly thinks that Keith is “ugly-pretty” and, along with Miss Jay, gives him a 7. Tyra, however, loves the intensity and gifts him a 9.

Lenox is lauded with the season’s first perfect score (10/10/10) for her divine face.

Tyra is entranced by Will’s “booty and face”. Kelly hands out a 10 while the others decide on 9s.

The judges are confused about Denzel, feeling that he doesn’t listen to “advice on set.” He is given two 8s and a 9.

"Now the judges and I will add up these scores and see who will still be in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model."

"The model with the best score is..."

LENOX (43.9)

WILL (42.1)

SHEI (38.1)

KEITH (37.9)

ADAM (37.7)

DENZEL (37.2)

RAELIA (36.3)

"Mirjana and Matthew, you two have the lowest scores. With a score of 35.7 to 35.2, the model that will remain in this competition is..."

MIRJANA

Matthew wishes that he could have continued further to “show off his skills.” I would say he’s sad about leaving the competition, but I don’t want to define him. #nolabels

Next week, the models take on Fashion Week with guest designer Betsey Johnson. Then, there is a studio shoot that is sure to test relationships. Until next time!

ANTM c19 episode 8: The Longest (Avant) Garde

News Flash! We interrupt your regularly scheduled recap to bring you news on America’s Next Top Model cycle 20. After a year spent learning the new international tooching laws, Tyra will be reinstating cycle 20 for the summer of 2013. During this time, thousands of men will go through hard auditions (Tyra’s not a fan of flaccid) and in the end, seven of these gentleman will penetrate the gender barriers of Top Model.

But with the recent news that Tyra wants to conceive a child, don’t feel too sorry for the rejected hommes. Just like her legs, I’m sure that the role of Tyra’s sugar daddy is open to all.

Mamma Who Whore Me

Now that’s a spring awakening you don’t want to miss! So until she gets her own dating/procreation show(I Will Always Love Youterus), we’ll just have to settle for her latest college-themed menstrual cycle:

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the girls were challenged to commit crimes of fashion random acts of modeling. After Laura proved adept at mundanely smizing, the women took on a grungy shoot at a motel. While Nastasia and Brittany rose from the ashes, Laura regurgitation left the judges wanting more. But unfortunately, it was Allyssa whose dream of becoming America’s Next Top Model was licked clean. Now, only 6 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Back in the house, the girls are still in shock at Laura’s bottom 2 appearance. She’s been though “a lot” but now, wants to “put it in God’s hands”. Forget about genocide, world hunger, and Christina Aguilera’s career, Laura’s chances in this competition get first priority in the eyes of the Lord!

On the other side of heaven, Brittany has received a letter from her sister, which leads her to a flood of tears. Let’s paraphrase, shall we?

“Dear Brittany, for the love of Disney, please stop crying. You’re really putting the ‘wa’ back in Walt.”

-Signed, Piglet

During dinner, the girls converse about Victoria. Kristin and the others are “concerned” about her stability but she wants them to “just drop it”. If by ‘it’, she means ‘three pounds’, then I’m game!

TYRA MAIL! “A good first will get you more bang for your buck. Love, Tyra.”

Cast Friday Night

The next day, the girls are met by Kelly Cutrone and Markus Barrington, the super hot agent from LA Models. Even Kelly, whose dressed in her usual attire, lights up when this beautiful specimen enters the room. Unfortunately for her, the juxtaposition of these two makes her feminine wiles much less desirable.

Beauty and the Yeast

Then he speaks! Markus serenades us with his angelic voice: the girls will have 5 hours to go to 5 castings. Each designer will only book one girl but one girl can book more than one designer. Sigh…with all this talk of booking, I’d jump on his ‘dic’tionary anyday…

And with that, the girls are off! Kristin and Brittany decide to venture to Guess, the most important client, first. They are impressed by the “contender” Kristin but feel that Brittany is “too girl next door” for their brand.

In I <3 Ronson, Kiara’s tone was “unprofessional”. Nastasia, on the other hand, had a “sophisticated” look that the client loved. At Whitney Port’s, there was an awkward mood during Victoria’s interview. Whitney felt that she was “trying too hard”.

During the Cecilia Cassini casting, Kiara impressed the 13-year-old with her “flare for fashion”. Victoria was declared “too boney” for the line and Nastasia had issues with her height.

At Lulu Guinness, Laura was praised for her “statuesque presence”. Kristin, on the other hand, was criticized for being “too uptight”. And by “too uptight”, I’m pretty sure that Lulu means “doesn’t have collagen the size of baby cattle.”

Veal It with a Kiss

After Lulu leaves them with a stiff upper lip (literally!), Laura and Nastasia are worried about time management. Laura is alarmed at the small amount of time left and proceeds to waste time crying about how they can’t get to Guess in time. In the end, they still go and manage to return to Smashbox Studios in time to see…

Me smashing Markus’ box. Oh, how a boy can dream. Anyway, he tells them the positive and negative feedback from the clients and the bookings are:

Nastasia- Lulu Guinness
Kiara- Cecilia Cassini
Kristin- Charlotte Ronson
Laura- Guess & Whitney Port

So in the end, Laura receives her third challenge win. In addition to another $1,000 deposit into her scholarship bank, Laura also won the girls a fabulous dinner in LA.

While the girls are enjoying a nice festive meal, they get harassed by an overgrown beaver with tanorexia, a.k.a. P’Trique. He gives them a…

TYRA MAIL! “A top model knows her best angles. So make sure you stay in line and keep a straight face. Love, Tyra.”

Just like half of these girls, the amount of fucks I give about this man are equal to the amount of chins Brittany has:


Less than Two

When they return to the house, the girls are excited to see their overall challenge scores. Laura and Kiara top the pack with 7.5 while Kristin suspiciously scrapes the bottom with a 6.5.

Prison of a Bitch

The next day, the girls are taken to a conservatory. After the booking process, Johnny greets them and gives them the pat-down: the theme of this photoshoot is ‘50’s retro bad girls in a fashion mug-shot.

Victoria and her country bumpkin persona didn’t impress Johnny. After calling her “too intense”, she began to take some “amazing” shoots.

Kristin, on the other hand, had trouble focusing. Despite her amazing look, the photographer was worried that he would be unable to find “great shots.”

Nastasia embraced her “tough” character and worked “her whole body” during the shoot. Brittany, on the other hand, had difficulty understanding her story.

Even after some advice from Johnny, her exposure was anything but indecent. I swear, if you don’t willingly do a naked booty tooch with Johnny Wujek in a prison, you don’t deserve to be America’s Next Top Model!

The Shawshank Conception

Luckily, Kiara doesn’t have this problem. In fact, she is too at home at the jail, seeing as she was arrested at the age of 18. She harnessed that anger to produce a stunning set of photos.

After the shoot, the girls receive a Skull Mail:

“Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 5 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”

All of the girls are nervous about the impending elimination since their challenge scores are all so close.

PANEL

"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”

"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."

Side-note: What on Earth is Tyra wearing? Why is she draped in a mullet dress? Is she proud of shaving her legs for the first time in a decade? Is she trying to seduce the Scissor Sisters?


Let’s Have a Thigh-Thigh

But just like Tyra’s biological clock, we don’t have time to waste; let’s move to judging.



Kristin: Kelly is impressed by her “high fashion” pose and with Rob, gave her an 8. Tyra agrees, and deems it a 7.



Nastasia: Even though Rob didn’t like the “dead eyes”, he and Kelly gave her a 7. Tyra likes the height of her legs and gives her an 8.



Victoria: Kelly finds it “upsetting” and gave her a 6. Rob and Tyra like the “risks” and award her a 7 and 8.



Kiara: Kelly calls her a “thirty-four year-old man” and with Tyra, gives her a 7. Rob disagrees, feeling that she “calls attention”, and gifts her a 9.



Brittany: Tyra is afraid that she is “falling short” and gives a 7. Rob and Kelly are just as unimpressed, and decide on a 5 and 6.



Laura: Praised for her versatility, Laura receives a triad of 9’s.

“Now the judges and I will add up your scores and when you return, I will announce which one of you will be eliminated.”

“Six beautiful girls stand before me. But I only have 5 photos in my hands. And these five photos represent the five of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”

LAURA (41.0)

KRISTIN (35.8)
KIARA (34.8)
NASTASIA (33.3)

“Will Victoria and Brittany please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 32.6 to 30.3, that girl is…”

VICTORIA

But fear not! Brittany will become the final edition to the Comeback Series.

“And now, the moment of truth. Will Jessie, Darian, Destiny, Leila, Yvonne, Allyssa, and Brittany please step forward? We have calculated your social media scores and the girl with the highest average, who will be returning to the competition is…”

NOT GOING TO BE REVEALED UNTIL NEXT WEEK!!!

Next week, in addition to the comeback, the girls will be traveling to Jamaica. There, they will dance and get on a raft with Rob Evans. Sounds hot. So until next time…

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and until next week...