Previously on Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model, the girls were asked to open up and expose themselves to 200 schoolchildren (worst porn idea ever!) Then, they had to "man up" for an androgyny shoot. While Emma and Roxanne proved their bestosterone, Anne struggled to find the man inside of her (#smallpenis). But unfortunately, it was Tasmin who was cockblocked, making her the next girl to leave the competition. Now, only 10 girls remain, who will become Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model?
The girls are still reeling over the latest elimination. Even though Anne is crying over her survival, Madeleine is ecstatic because she thinks that her "competition" is starting to crumble and that she "might actually have a chance" to win this. In other news, there was a severe blizzard in the fifth Circle of Hell.
But who cares about the inferno's climate...we, have an E-Mail!
"You know how to walk the walk, but can you talk the talk? Love, Elle."
The girls are still reeling over the latest elimination. Even though Anne is crying over her survival, Madeleine is ecstatic because she thinks that her "competition" is starting to crumble and that she "might actually have a chance" to win this. In other news, there was a severe blizzard in the fifth Circle of Hell.
But who cares about the inferno's climate...we, have an E-Mail!
"You know how to walk the walk, but can you talk the talk? Love, Elle."
Pardon My French
The girls are met by Whitney and Ludovic Leray, who tells them that they will be shooting an advert for a cell phone company.
Whitney translates into English and states that the girls will be talking on the phone with their lovers using a French script. But to keep it fair, French breed Madeleine will have to speak in Italian.
Whitney informs the girls that they only get three takes to get the perfect commercial.
Awkward Anne had trouble throughout the whole commercial. She keep fumbling the lines and looked very tense, as if she were Carly Rae Jepsen telling her boyfriend that she had a venereal disease.
Call Me Scabie
Even though she originally struggled with the words, by the third take, Kellie did trés bien. Jennifer, Roxanne, and Lisa all failed to get the words right, replacing most of the French with curses (isn't that French what already is?). On the other hand, Letitia & Risikat did the commercial flawlessly.
Anita sounded like a malfunctioning answering machine and Emma slipped into Spanish during the shoot. Escanadalo! Despite Italian being a "beautiful" language, Madeleine had no elegance.
After the commercials, Whitney informs us that the winner will gain 5 extra minutes in the next photoshoot, but to do so, she must take away 5 minutes from someone else. And the winner is...
LETITIA! She immediately starts to feel bad about having to pick someone and the girls all tense up. They're just praying their name isn't called and for those few awkward seconds, it's like waiting for a death sentence.
The Hunger Dames
And District 8's tribute is...
ANNE. Letitia thinks that she can "take it" but then quickly starts to worry because of Anne's bottom two appearance last week.
But the dissapointment doesn't last for long because Whitney announces that the next photo shoot will take place in...PARIS!
But the dissapointment doesn't last for long because Whitney announces that the next photo shoot will take place in...PARIS!
The Joys of Life
After the girls are taken to Paris, they go to a hotel where once again, champagne is thrown at them. But before any alcohol can be consumed and sexualities questioned, out comes...JOY MCLAREN! (Strike the sexualities not being questioned thing)
For those of you who have been living under a rock or have an amnesia for good taste, Joy McLaren was the second runner-up of Britain's Next Top Model cycle 6. Still, she is fabulous. So fabulous in fact, that she is still booking major shows and print ads two years afterwards. And did I mention she's gorgeous?
She is also accompanied by some ogre of a woman (by comparison of course) but I'm much more interested in what Joy has to say.
"I am going to be dropping by your photoshoot tomorrow for moral support because I've been there before and I want to help."
OH! She's so humble! I wonder how glamorous it must be to wake up every morning being so...so joyful.
If I Were A Joy
But let's not get too "The Roommate" over here.
Deja Two
The brand representative tells the girls that they will be shooting an advertisement for Impulse Body Spray. Apparently, giving hickies to a male model with a romantic Parisian backdrop is the perfect setting for the fragrance. Because nothing screams love like a perfume made out of sweat, semen, and the tears of pregnant teens.
The Smell of Suck-sess
The photographer, Lionel Duley, has shot everyone from Angelina Jolie to Katy Perry. Even though Anne has 5 minutes less than everyone else, he is still confident that she will rock it.
Even though Anne had a nice connection to the male model, she was struggling to look happy. She thought that losing her 5 minutes tore away at her "confidence" and wouldn't let her try "new poses".
Jennifer was initially afraid of being "soft and feminine." But after she loosened up and followed Joy's advice, she gained some momentum with the male model.
Lisa did a spectacular job with the romanticity and received critical acclaim from both the photographer and Joy.
Before the shoot, Anita was very excited to work with the male model. But after the photographer demanded a kiss, the male model refused. Maybe working with Anita has made him permanently flaccid.
Even though Anne had a nice connection to the male model, she was struggling to look happy. She thought that losing her 5 minutes tore away at her "confidence" and wouldn't let her try "new poses".
Jennifer was initially afraid of being "soft and feminine." But after she loosened up and followed Joy's advice, she gained some momentum with the male model.
Lisa did a spectacular job with the romanticity and received critical acclaim from both the photographer and Joy.
Before the shoot, Anita was very excited to work with the male model. But after the photographer demanded a kiss, the male model refused. Maybe working with Anita has made him permanently flaccid.
Je Ne Sais Blah
Nevertheless, Anita still has a lot of shots to choose from.
Risikat had to be "glamorous" and the photographer was impressed by her "sex kitten" look. He gave her the "dirty eyes" to inspire her and she got "perfect shots".
Roxanne had trouble keeping herself controlled while still connecting with the male model. The photographer had "trouble" with her but ended up getting something usable.
Letitia had the hard task of being "classically elegant". She was nervous that having the extra time would put more pressure on her but in the end, she "didn't need" the extra 5 minutes.
After the initial struggle of having a stronger face, Madeleine loosened up and softened her face at the end of the shoot.
Despite being "tense and awkward" in the beggining, Kellie ended up being very "playful and flirty" by the end.
Emma was "fantastic" and had a great connection with the male model. In fact, Joy said that the girls were progressively getting more and more comfortable with the male model. I believe that, much like tuberculous, love is in the air. It's as if the romance of Paris is leeching onto the girls the longer they stay in this city.
Risikat had to be "glamorous" and the photographer was impressed by her "sex kitten" look. He gave her the "dirty eyes" to inspire her and she got "perfect shots".
Roxanne had trouble keeping herself controlled while still connecting with the male model. The photographer had "trouble" with her but ended up getting something usable.
Letitia had the hard task of being "classically elegant". She was nervous that having the extra time would put more pressure on her but in the end, she "didn't need" the extra 5 minutes.
After the initial struggle of having a stronger face, Madeleine loosened up and softened her face at the end of the shoot.
Despite being "tense and awkward" in the beggining, Kellie ended up being very "playful and flirty" by the end.
Emma was "fantastic" and had a great connection with the male model. In fact, Joy said that the girls were progressively getting more and more comfortable with the male model. I believe that, much like tuberculous, love is in the air. It's as if the romance of Paris is leeching onto the girls the longer they stay in this city.
Parisites
At the end of the photoshoot, the girls are taken to a French restaurant where Anita gets a birthday E-Mail.
The Twenty Year Old Virgin
Anita gets a special birthday treat. She is allowed to take four friends to a swanky French restaurant to celebrate her special day. She chooses Lisa, Kellie, Risikat, and Roxanne.
At the bistro, the girls toast Anita's impending Alzheimer's with some snails and frog legs. Yum?The rest of the girls had a slumber party (Living's lesbian-prodding is finally paying off!) Emma and Letitia were getting upset over Madeleine's attitude but she is unapologetic.
Risikat agrees, knowing that Madeleine is the "star of the show" and should stay true to herself.
Anita's crew takes one more boat ride around the city to sight see before they leave Paris and go to panel. They all silently contemplate their future lives as glamorous jet-setter models.
At the bistro, the girls toast Anita's impending Alzheimer's with some snails and frog legs. Yum?The rest of the girls had a slumber party (Living's lesbian-prodding is finally paying off!) Emma and Letitia were getting upset over Madeleine's attitude but she is unapologetic.
Risikat agrees, knowing that Madeleine is the "star of the show" and should stay true to herself.
Anita's crew takes one more boat ride around the city to sight see before they leave Paris and go to panel. They all silently contemplate their future lives as glamorous jet-setter models.
PANEL
Filling in the guest judge's seat this week is actress and singer-songwriter Mel B.
Kellie: Whitney finds both her photo and advert "impressive". Mel and Elle find her photo "dreamy" but Tyson disagrees, calling it too "simple".
Letitia: Mel B thinks that she's "drop dead gorgeous". Julian thinks that she's a "rising star" and Elle is in love with her advert.
Risikat: Tyson orgasms over her advert and photo, calling her "a sexy little flirt". Whitney thinks that she was "overselling" but still did a good job.
Anne: Her advert was pure gibberish and the photo didn't have any spark. Elle chastises Letitia for taking the extra 5 minutes from Anne.
Roxanne: Whitney doesn't like the photo or the advert. Tyson, still hoping to gain access to her Cave of Wonders, calls Roxanne "flaw free". But Elle disagrees, calling it her "least favorite so far."
Lisa: Even though her advert was less than impressive, Lisa has a fantastic photo. Elle and Whitney are in love with the face and Tyson calls it "his favorite so far."
Anita: Mel B loves the "happiness" in this photo. Elle likes how she got a great photo and Julian loves her "transformation". Whitney is upset with the male model for not cooperating but Tyson is satisfied that she didn't "just hump his leg". (jealous?)
Jennifer: Elle doesn't like her advert but is in love with her photo. The judges are all gaga over her "convincing body language".
Emma: Both Whitney and the client agreed that Emma was the worst in the advert. Elle doesn't like the "family reunion" feel to the photo and Mel agrees, calling it "too safe."
Madeleine: Sadly, Madeleine was "not the client's favorite". But even though her advert c'est horrible, Whitney thinks this is her "prettiest picture so far".
"Now the judges and I will deliberate and discuss which one of you will be going home."
The judges think that Kellie and Letitia are both "passable". Elle loves Risikat's "balanced body" and "appeal". Whitney and Tyson like Anne's look in person but are not impressed by her body of work.
If Julian were to ever become a woman, he would want to look like Roxanne (is that a compliment?)Tyson likes the confidence in her photos. Mel thinks that Lisa is "delicious" in person. Anita is once again compared to a young Penelope Cruz.
Jennifer was Mel's "least favorite" but the judges are hopeful. Whitney doesn't think that Emma is "trying" in her photos. Elle links Madeleine to Naomi Campbell (she's more of the soup than the supermodel) and says that she has "tricky angles". So, who will be eliminated?
"Ten beautiful girls stand before me, but I only have nine photos in my hands. And these photos represent the girls who are still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. The first girl I call gets picture of the week..."
ANITA
LISA
LETITIA
RISIKAT
KELLIE
JENNIFER
MADELEINE
ROXANNE
"Will Anne and Emma please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands and this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. And that girl is..."
EMMA
Even though Letitia feels "extremely guilty", Anne is "okay with it". She is grateful for the experience and wishes to "grow" from it.
Next week, the girls are virginal mimes? I don't even know. Later, the girls get upset with Madeleine and Roxanne blows (up over) Julian. It looks positively terrifying. So until next time...
Next week, the girls are virginal mimes? I don't even know. Later, the girls get upset with Madeleine and Roxanne blows (up over) Julian. It looks positively terrifying. So until next time...
Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and I’ll see you next week!
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