ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 8: "G.I. No"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models learned how to act. Lacey acted like she actually has common sense and won the CW sitcom challenge. At a commercial shoot for Boom Boom Boom Deodorant, Devin caused a stink. But it was ultimately Ashley who didn’t get a callback: now with nine models left; who will be eliminated tonight?

As soon as they return to the Top Model house, Mikey and Devin go to the posing station to mourn Ashley. 

At least Devin bothered to wear black. Come on Mikey, it wouldn’t kill you to dress up for the occasion. Just think of it like a wedding, a prom, or one of your brothers’ parole hearings.

Nevertheless, Mikey tries to wrap his mind around the loss: “it’s like they took the L from TLC,” Mikey explains. Except in this case, we’re keeping in the Ls.

Devin can’t hold himself together as well as Mikey. Devin starts caterwauling about losing the “best friend and person in the entire world”. They’re at a funeral pyre but Devin still manages to be the most flaming one in the room…

What I don’t understand is Mikey’s nonchalance about the elimination. He states that he misses Ashley, but wants to focus on the competition. It seems like a cover-up for what he’s really thinking: a perfect time to swoop in and repair his relationship with Courtney. 

She mentioned wanting to reconnect with Mikey and Devin because the beginning of the competition was hard for her. Courtney even takes the time to think of a new title for their squad: DMC. I know she doesn’t know much about the outside world, but that name is practically ordering Courtney to save herself: Run (away from) DMC.

Those boys haven’t treated you right, you think they care about you Court? You might be loving for (Courtney) Love in all the wrong places, but she is desperate for companionship.

Meanwhile, Lacey is celebrating her win in the Tyra Suite. Her and Nyle are blessed to have a third week in the Suite away from the dramatics downstairs. After laying on her bed, Lacey decides to watch the Ty-Ty Tip. Tyra warns her not to get too sexual in her photos and applauds her growth throughout the competition.

While Lacey was excited to get the attention from Tyra, I would be really worried. With the way this season is going, Lacey reminds me a lot of last cycle’s Lenox: her name starts with an L, she’s a virgin, has lots of first-call-outs, and Tyra punishes her sensuality. Lacey, if you want to avoid getting fourth place, you better spend the night with a guy soon. Take one for the team, Nyle!

As if all of this drama isn’t enough, Hadassah starts feeling suspicious of Bello. She mentions that her relationship with him started strong, but has started getting rocky. I can agree with Hadassah’s sentiment. Bello has been acting strange lately: hanging out alone, eating food outside, staring at Hadassah from a distance...these are all signs of a distressed man.

Bello explains that...WAIT FOR IT...he is “not here to make friends.” His eyes may be unique, but that phrase is as cliche as they come. But Bello doesn’t care; he came to Los Angeles with fifteen dollars in his pocket and a brother’s floor to sleep on. Bello is determined to not squander the opportunity. Friendship doesn’t pay the bills, but then again, neither does Bello…

Now that the stage has been set, the models are driven to a high school for their next challenge. Miss Jay plays a message from Tyra that introduces their objective: create a six-second Vine about gender inequality in the STEM fields. 

For those who are unaware about the pay-gap, let’s use ANTM as a learning tool. If Nina was asked to dress up as an androgynous sex robot instead, she would have been paid 52 cents compared to Cory’s dollar. Talk about inequality: both of those wages aren’t enough for that job!

Miss Jay then brings out the special judge for this challenge: Brittany Furlan.

If you’re scratching your head and asking ‘who’, you’re not that far off. She’s credited as a ‘Vine star’, but that means absolutely nothing to me. She explains that making Vine PSAs will be a great way to recruit young women into the science industry. Yes, people with the attention span to watch a video snippet are the ones I want handling dangerous chemicals! No wonder Brittany is so popular on Vine, she’s probably more tolerable in six second bursts.

With all of that, Brittany splits up the models into groups of three: Bello/Courtney/Devin, Justin/Lacey/Nyle, and Hadassah/Mamé/Mikey. She offers up her Vine ‘expertise’ for those teams that can’t turn on a phone and click ‘go to app’. Courtney appreciates the guidance.

Before they go off, Miss Jay assigns each group a word that goes with their PSA. Hadassah has ‘Respect’, Bello has ‘Power’, and Lacey has ‘Money’. I’d say that Hadassah’s team has a bit of a disadvantage; the easiest way to show respect for yourself is to not do this challenge...

Still, the models go out and try to emulate these traits. Brittany, whose career as a Viner gives her neither respect or power, decides to help out the Money team first. She likes the direction that Nyle and Justin are headed with letting the dollar bills “speak for themselves.” 

For their Power PSA, Bello and Devin decide to act like bullies taunting the schoolgirl Courtney. At first I realized how weird it is to see 20-year-olds playing teenagers but then I remembered that this is on the CW...

That however, is the least of their concerns. After getting some of the frames necessary for their Vine, Bello accidentally deletes the footage. Brittany tries to retrieve the data but no avail. Well, when the Vine expert can’t help, that’s when you know the situation is dire.

Hadassah, Mikey, and Mamé decide to go for the comedic approach. I’m not sure how they plan to make gender discrimination in the workplace funny, but at long as they don’t take advice from Jerry Springfield; Mikey’s team should be fine.

After finishing the videos, each team’s Vine is assessed by the schoolgirls. For having the most ‘relatable’ PSA, the winners of this challenge are...

Unfortunately, the winners aren’t actually given any monetary prizes for their victory. I suppose encouraging young female minds is reward enough, but making six-second clips isn’t going to inspire anyone. Might as well have given Mikey a date with Brittany Furlan: get ready for DMB!

Even though he got a low challenge score, Devin is happy because he can still celebrate something else. “It’s my birthday,” he proclaims. “I’m turning 22 in cycle 22.” I figure that’s pretty fitting for Devin: he’s signed to 6 agencies when he was 6! He’s been in the bottom 2 and his eyes look in 2 different directions!

He begins the party by marking the moment. Because he doesn’t have an Oppo phone to himself, Devin decides to use Nyle’s Oppo phone for selfies (was that a proper amount of Oppo phone mentions?). Nyle sees that Devin’s not taking the Oppo(tunities) to communicate and gets angry. I’d be upset too if someone used my Oppo phone to take this horrid selfie.

Nyle may not be able to hear evil, but he can still see it Devin! In the end, the models once again apologize for leaving Nyle out of the party. 

After their festive night, the models are driven to the studio for their next shoot. They walk in to see Erik Asla taking pictures of Tyra’s box. Enough with your sex life, Ty-Ty!

Tyra explains that she wants the models to pose as dolls; inspired by her movie Life-Size. She assigns them each different doll themes. Sadly, matryoshka wasn’t one of them. With the recent formation of DMC, Courtney’s already in Mikey, so I don’t see why it can’t be applied to the photoshoot...

For the most part, everyone struggled with the concept of body isolations and posing like a doll. The biggest endeavor came from Courtney.

When she arrived on set, she didn’t know what a ‘fierce fashionista’ was and asked Yu Tsai for help. He was shocked that Courtney could lack such basic terminology. Next you’re gonna tell me she doesn’t know a booching baller is!

Yu Tsai decides to ask if she can relate to the models in Vogue. When she admits to not reading the magazine, Yu flips out on Courtney. Sorry Yu, don’t you know? Everyone Vines now, there’s not any time to read a 720 page book every week. Get with the times!

After all of the models pose as dolls, they return home to find a special surprise. The elimination will be a double: everyone is scared that their time may be up.

PANEL



Kelly likes Nyle’s body definition and before Tyra can salivate over the words boom boom boom, Miss Jay mentions Nyle’s weird hand proportions. Likewise, Justinhas good skin and believability with his entire picture. Courtney, on the other hand, is “too scary” for Kelly. Tyra is more shocked that she doesn’t read Vogue. 


Similar to Nyle, Mikey has a weird disconnect between his hands and body. In addition, Tyra admits that Mikey didn’t have a lot of good frames to choose from. Kelly laments that Bello can’t translate his personality into a photo; saying it lacks attitude. Miss Jay is confused about Hadassah’s dazed expression. Tyra praises her for steadily improving each week.


Kelly likes that Lacey interacted with the set and Tyra loves the face. As for Devin, Miss Jay is worried about the return of the eyebrow. Tyra calls the kettle black the photo too dramatic. Lastly, the judges agree that Mamé looks too pedestrian in her picture.

Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

LACEY (38.5)

NYLE (37.2)

JUSTIN (35.8)

MIKEY (35.7)

HADASSAH (34.2)

MAME (31.6)

“With the lowest score of 27.8, the first person eliminated is…”

COURTNEY

“And with a score of 31.5 to 31.0, the model that stays in the competition is…”

DEVIN

Courtney is happy for the opportunity to escape the drama and return home. She wants to go and make sure her disabled brother Emmanuel is doing all right. Bello, on the other hand, is offended at the judges’ implication that he lacks passion. He swears that if there’s a chance of a comeback, he will return to the competition and snatch the crown.
Luckily, next week may see his dream come true. The remaining models are paired with the eliminated ones for a go-see challenge, which may see one of them return to the competition.That, coupled with a canine-themed photoshoot, may see Bello come back. So until then, remember…

The Bitch Is Back

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 7: "Life's A Beach"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models simply made advertisements for Simply Be. After winning the challenge, Nyle also took home best picture during a possession-themed photoshoot. Even though Courtney’s potential was up in the air, Ava couldn’t bare to be Linda Blair. Ultimately, the Christian girl became Tyra’s prey. Now, only ten models remain, who will be eliminated tonight?

As the models walk in, everyone congratulates Nyle for getting best picture. Even though he appreciates the sentiment, Nyle is concerned that he’s “not connecting” with the other models. He thinks about ways to reduce his solitude while taking a bubble bath.

What a great idea Nyle! That’s the “love tub” from last episode; so if he wants the company of (a horny) Mamé, Ashley, Justin, and Mikey: just stay there till nightfall.

Unfortunately, Nyle decides to go back to the Tyra Suite instead. He is greeted with a video of Tyra clumsily attempting sign language. I know ‘getting handsy’ takes on a new meaning with deaf people, but this is a little ridiculous…

Nevertheless, Tyra celebrates his challenge win and then motions toward her breasts a couple of times. The subtitles say “remember to be sexy in pictures, Nyle’’ but I think some of the nuance was lost in translation.

Elsewhere, Mamé is growing concerned about her relationship with Justin. Even though they like each other, Mamé feels that Justin is “drifting away” from her. He confesses that he wants to “focus on the competition,” but I think Mamé is the better investment. Justin’s relationship would last at least three months; much longer than any modelling career this show has to offer…

Decisions, decisions…

After Justin sleeps on it, the models are given a new challenge. They meet with a producer from The CW and her group of advisors. Each model will be paired up and be asked to perform a “Shakespearean love scene” for the entourage. 

Kelly promises the winner a walk-on role on a ‘scripted’ CW show. I’d like to say that all reality television is scripted, but I can’t honestly proclaim that someone was paid to write stuff like ‘this photo needs a good no-neck monster.” No, salaried writers are reserved for finer content:

In addition to the role of smizing pedestrian, the winner of this challenge will also gain a perfect score, a huge advantage for this week.

Lacey is especially excited for this challenge. She admits that it’s been her childhood hope to star on a sitcom. Being on a television network with a 20% retention rate: one can only dream!

Fortunately, the CW has such a diverse pool of programing that whoever wins will find their perfect match. Only few channels can provide such quality shows that mysteriously get cancelled after their first season…

Mame - Privileged

Devin -H8R

Ashley - Gossip Girl

Hadassah - 8 Simple Rules (for Living with Me)

Bello - 90210

Justin - Valentine

Mikey -18 to Life

Nyle -The Originals

Lacey -Jane the Virgin

Courtney - Farmer Wants A Wife

With his dream job on the line, Devin worries about being funny. Devin, didn’t you hear that Denzel won a role in a Tyler Perry program last season? There’s no reason to be comedic!

Still, Devin attempts to fill up his performance with campy flair. “If I get someone laughing, I’ve done my job,” Devin declares. With that attitude, he’ll never be a writer for The CW…

Bello and Mikey also mess up their delivery of the scene. In fact, only Lacey and Nyle seem to be able to make any sense of the acting challenge.

So...with only two choices, the CW decides to give the win to Lacey! She jumps up and down in celebration. Feigning excitement over a twelve second cameo in The Flash? Lacey did deserve to win this acting challenge.

Back in the house, Devin is saddened over the fact that he got a low challenge score.

How poetic that Devin got a 6. It’s the same number of agencies he’s signed to. That’s also the age he was during his last modelling campaign; so the number holds meaning for him.

In celebration of his best picture last week, Nyle gets to have a “sign and dine” with a friend from back home. Brittany, his high school sweetheart, comes bye to destroy Kelly Cutrone’s dreams.

Wanting to feel connected to all of the other models, Nyle invites them all to a silent dinner. He and Brittany take turns teaching the models how to sign. Even though they shake their hands like they’re at a Prince concert, Nyle appreciates the effort.

After dinner, the models are whisked away for a commercial shoot at the beach. Yu Tsai introduces their product: Boom Boom Boom Deodorant.

I don’t know if Tyra has lost all credibility or if someone is just a huge fan of Katy Perry’s Firework, but I don’t think Boom Boom Boom is an actual brand.

Nevertheless, the models are paired up for this sexy scene. Mikey and Mamé are once again forced to come together and passionately kiss on set.

Oh, you two. Go get a room (preferably Nyle’s. He gets so lonely…)

Bello and Courtney have a bit of a harder time getting it on. She doesn’t have the confidence to see herself as a sexy being and thus, fails at the shoot. Likewise, Ashley and Nyle find it awkward to look seductive on film.

Lacey tries hard not to let Devin drag her down. She focuses all of her energies on performing her own pictures, and with good reason. He oversexualizes his poses and end up looking more bothered than hot.

Hadassah and Justin waste no time getting their shots. Mamé is a little jealous but she knows that this is just another side of modelling. Hadassah feels strange and worries this might start their feud back up. Getting felt up by Justin: yet another thing that Mamé and Hadassah have in common!

After they clean up all the sand in their pants, the models prepare for the impending elimination.

Panel


Mikey & Mame have a great chemistry. Miss Jay thinks that Mame relies on being pretty, but the women disagree. Tyra loves that she’s ‘inhaling’ and showcasing her profile. Mikey, on the other hand, is visibly struggling with the cold.


The judges agree that Justin is the star of this commercial. Hadassah is treated more like his ‘accessory’ than another model.


Just like Justin before him, Bello is the more dominant model in this commercial. Kelly admits that Courtney gave great visual moments when she wasn’t delivering lines.


Devin is ‘too campy’ for Tyra: she exclaims as she begins an exaggerated retelling of Devin’s commercial. Miss Jay is happy that Lacey listened to the advice from the challenge and continued to act well.


The judges are all in unision about Nyle & Ashley's commercial. It seems to have a lack of passion and Kelly blames it on the real-life affairs in the house.
Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

LACEY (37.1)

MAME (35)

NYLE (34.7)

BELLO (33.7)

MIKEY (33.1)

JUSTIN (31.3)

HADASSAH (30.1)

COURTNEY (29.5)

“And with a score of 28.4 to 27.2, the model that stays in the competition is…”

DEVIN

Ashley is happy to have experienced the trials and tribulations of the modelling world. She hopes to use this platform as a starting point and use her story to inspire more victims of sexual abuse to speak out.

Next week, the models take on a PSA for troubled youth. Then, they’ll pose as childhood dolls. Get ready to live a teenage dream next week, there’ll be skin tight jeans.

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 6: "The Blair Bitch Project"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models got in touch with current fashion trends. After learning about the art of retouching, they did a untouched sports shoots. While Lacey scored a touchdown, Hadassah and Dustin fumbled. But unfortunately, it was the blonde who had to bow out; now only 11 models remain. Whowill be eliminated tonight?

After coming back from panel, Ava admits to the others that she isn’t used to this amount of drama. “I’m homeschooled,” she explains. “This is all new to me.”

And with that statement, I finally understand why she’s always looking so bewildered. She’s experiencing the outside world for the first time! That must be why she gets along with Courtney so well; they’re both slowly learning about the cruel cruel streets.

Ava Worries About Gas Prices
Courtney Panics With Gun Laws
The Girls Fear Big Business

But Bello is less than impressed with Courtney’s antics. He notices that she likes to listen in on conversations and then spread their words around. “There’s something fishy about Courtney,” Bello declares. “I can smell it.” Gosh Bello, you know she’s a shut-in! She probably hasn’t been exposed to Summer’s Eve yet…

On the other side of the house, there is a lot less to sniff out. Mamé and Justin are in the shower together. Mamé claims that they’re in there “preserving water”: and as Californians, I do appreciate their efforts. No wonder Mamé placed Top 5 in the Miss USA pageant, she knows all the right things to say. If only she were raising taxes and deporting immigrants in that bathtub; Mamé could’ve won Trump’s entire contest!

After their humanitarian efforts, Justin talks to DMA. They’re conversing when, get this, Mikey makes the most oblivious comment I’ve ever heard. “Justin, I know for a fact that Mamé likes you a lot.” 

What gave you that idea, Mikey? Was the hickey from last week just a (literal) red herring? Did you miss the part where they were in the shower planning the next season of The Apprentice? Were you too busy trying to please Ashley that you missed Justin and Mamé actually succeeding?

Nevertheless, after they’ve all got cleaned up, the models are taken to a studio. Kelly Cutrone introduces them to their guest; Whitney Lee Thompson, the winner of cycle 10! Whitney was our first plus-size fiercely real winner and she is now a covergirl for Simply Be. She might be fiercely real, but her attitude sure isn’t. Seven years later and she still has that feigned excitement on her face. Whitney’s smile is as forced as the show’s mentions of the Oppo phone.

As the spokesperson for the brand, Whitney will be posing with each of the models for a Simply Be campaign. They will be put into pairs and must come up with a tagline for their advertisement. I understand that it’s a little tough for these models to think and pose, so I took the liberty of creating some catchphrases for each group:

Ashley, Mikey & Devin - Simply Be the Third Wheel
Hadassah & Mame - Simply Be *the* Pageant Girl
Ava & Courtney- Simply Be Amazed by Indoor Plumbing

Mikey is excited to work with the cycle 10 winner. Whitney’s campy and Mikey’s pitching a tent: they’re a perfect match! 

Fortunately, Mamé have the same chemistry with Mikey. After suggesting Simply Be Seductive, she tells Mikey to grab some duct tape and use it to wrap her up. I think it’s sexiest when used to cover Mikey’s mouth, but to each her own…

When Nyle and Justin get on set, they set out to Simply Be Heard. After some cutesy shots, the boys decide to amp up the sex appeal and take off their shirts. 

I don’t know if they’re simply being heard, but if they keep letting their bodies talk: I’m simply listening. 

When it’s finally their time to get behind the camera, Mamé and Mikey are a little uninspiring. Kelly Cutrone challenges them to begin making out and get some passion from there. They awkwardly glare at each other when Kelly specifies, “my idea of making out is kissing.” It’s really divorcing and taking half of the money, but for her purposes, Kelly defines ‘making out’ as kissing. 

At first, Mamé and Mikey are a little apprehensive to lock lips with their significant others watching. But then Mamé diplomatically argues that it’s all to achieve the perfect photograph. If Ashley and Justin are into it, this can always become a Simply Be A Swinger campaign.

After the groups finish, Whitney calls them over for a winner. Even though there were a lot of good photos, Whitney choose Nyle for “going the extra mile” and taking off his shirt. Hmmmm...being hated by many? Desperately trying to stay relevant in 2015? Picking a challenge winner because he took off his clothes? Is Whitney actually Perez Hilton in disguise?

Nevertheless, all of the models are elated for Nyle. Lacey is happy to see her friend get praised and vows to win the Tyra Suite again to hang out more. While some of the models go to sleep, Mamé and Justin decide to start spring cleaning and polish up the house. He was probably misunderstood when Mamé said “french maid,” but nevertheless, Justin is excited.

While dusting, Mamé starts to throw shade at Hadassah, Ava, and Bello for resting. “They never clean up. Why do you want to live in filth?” says the girl living in sin. After her exhausting work, Mamé decides to go use the bathroom. Unfortunately, Hadassah is already showering and asks Mamé to leave. Activist Mamé, concerned with the amount of water Hadassah’s consuming, stands her ground.

Hadassah warns Mamé that her behavior is not appropriate for a Miss USA (third runner-up). Mamé, frustrated beyond belief at her comment, screams out: “I’m the pageant girl!” Hadassah retorts with an equally intense “I’m the pageant girl!” It’s like two parrots squawking at each other. 

Luckily, Ava has the Balls to go in and end the pageant war. She signals the girls to prepare for the next photoshoot.

After they arrive to the location, Yu Tsai welcomes them to their “fashion exorcism” shoot. They will be clothed in white, suspended in the air with a harness, and given blue eye contacts. I don’t know what’s scarier: the exorcism shoot or Erik Asla’s photography.

On a whole, the models have trouble staying in the air. But none have as much of a struggle as Bello.

I hate to make Bello the butt of a joke, but this is too good of a moment to pass up. I’m not very knowledgeable in exorcism techniques, but I’m pretty sure that’s where the other demons come out of, Bello. Unless he’s giving commentary on how models are treated like baboons, I’m sure this is just a high fashion picture of Bello’s ass. I’m a fanny!

Hadassah tries to invoke fear in her face and, after listening to Yu Tsai’s advice, comes out with a good photo. Likewise, Nyle and Lacey both are able to contort their bodies into looking like something from a slasher film.

Sadly for Courtney, her show was more rocky than horror. Yu Tsai implies that she has the face of a supermodel but the “body of a cockroach.” According to Courtney, that’s dinner so she can't comprehend how to change. Similarly, Ashley can’t manage to emote correctly. Erik encourages her to scream and “fake it till she makes it”. A photoshoot is not the appropriate time for sex advice, Erik Asla!

After all the models finish, they are greeted to a Skull Mail. Before resting, the models decide to call a house meeting. Justin is determined to squash the drama between Hadassah and Mamé:

I have to agree with Justin here. Mamé and Hadassah are more similar than they want to believe. They’re both pageant girls, they’re both strong black women working in the modelling industry, they’re both capable of great pictures, and they’ve both been on the bottom multiple times.

Still, Hadassah and Mamé put their differences aside for now and agree to disagree.

Panel


Tyra likes that Justin modelled with the set but Miss Jay fears that he has the same expression of his face every week. Lacey, on the other hand, is able to adapt and Kelly applauds the “fluidity” of her movements.

When criticizing her photo, Kelly admits that Courtney scares her. Unfortunately, Tyra feels that it’s too horror and loses its modelling potential. With Hadassah, the judges are finally happy that she can take a good photo. Miss Jay believes that her profile is her best angle and warns her to continue using her assets.


Speaking of assets, there’s Bello’s picture. Tyra says that when looking through his frames, this was the one she felt was “dynamic.” I know she’s a ass woman, but damn.

Both Nyle and Mame are told that their poses are natural and strong. Ashley, on the other hand, has a great body but didn’t commit to the emotion in her face.



Tyra commends Devin’s upper torso, but Kelly wishes he was a bit more limp. Kelly is disappointed with Ava and the lack of involvement with the set. Likewise, Mikey can’t seem to let go during the shoot and ends up photographing with these shrinking poses that diminish his height.

Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

NYLE (39.7)

LACEY (35)

MAME (34.5)

HADASSAH (33.4)

JUSTIN (32.9)

DEVIN (32.7)

ASHLEY (32.2)

MIKEY (32.1)

BELLO (31.6)

“With a score of 31.4 to 29.6, the model that says in the competition is…”

COURTNEY

And just like that, Ava is eliminated. I don’t know what’s stranger: the fact that she was eliminated for having a “model mullet,” or that after crying over her loss, Ava felt like literal white trash.Still, it does suck to see a frontrunner get cut down so soon. 


Next week, the models will get sexy for a seductive photoshoot. Until then!