BINTM c9 episode 6: "Bear Naked Ladies"

Previously on Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, the girls lightened up for a shoot with Elle to find their angles. Sarah lit up the room, and brought along Emma, Saffron, and Abigail to w(h)ine and dine. During an underwater shoot, Sarah overcame adversity and rose above her competitors. And while Laura sank, it was unfortunately Abigail who saw her dreams drown. Now, only ten girls are left. Who will be eliminated tonight?

As the girls gab about the Final 9, paranoia starts to set in. Laura, anxious that she’s on thin ice, protests another bottom four appearance. Naomi calls out Sarah as new competition and silently plans to smother the redhead. But amongst all the chaos, the girls receive an E-Mail: “Sometimes what you carry down the catwalk can be as eye catching as the clothes themselves. Love Elle.”

Excess-ories

The next day, the girls are met by Angela Dunn and Thierry Hart; who introduce the main man of the show: Louis Mariette. In homage to the late great Whitney Houston, Louis’ orange glow embodies one of her classics.

All the Tan That I Need

Anyway, the citrus instructs them to pick a wild accessory out of a box for this week’s challenge. While Sarah gets roller skates, Cher graciously chers a headpiece with Emily. Holly gets “killer heels”, and after seeing the other girls’ selections, is pleased with receiving the pumps of JFK’s assassin.

Saffron is gifted with a pig (who invited Tiger Woods to this show?) while Sophie gets a baby (sans stretchmarks). Naomi is awarded a poodle and to the disdain of the models, Lauren receives every girl’s dream: (chicken) wings.

Backstage, the girls prepare. As Lauren gets her massive wings attached, Sarah learns to walk (and fall) with her skates; much like a newborn colt. Speaking of, Saffron manages to exude sex appeal in her sheppard’s costume, enticing many Little Bo Peeping Toms…

Despite her initial fears, Holly takes full control of her serial killer heels; setting the bar high for the others. Emily, despite having a serene Maya Angelo-esque headpiece, has an “angry” demeanor, like she’s ready to trade punches on the runway.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Swings

Sophie, on the other hand, returned tranquility to the catwalk with her Madonna & Child like presence. Naomi also walked with strength, equating her strut to a “rich bitch” with her other bitch…

Saffron, on the other hand, struggled with her animal. She couldn’t get the pig to rise up (a problem 1 in every 4 men face) and when it finally became erect, refused to walk with Saffron. In the end, the judges commend her work with the (Kevin) bacon.

Laura had difficulty moving around in her cinceñera dress, but managed to amble to the end of the catwalk. Even though she describes herself as a “sexy baby sheep”, Angel’s look is almost as scary as a Stephen King/children's novel.

Carrie Had A Little Lamb

Nevertheless, the judges fawned over her strong presence on the runway. Emma was called out for lacking confidence and told to work on having strength on the catwalk. Sarah was praised for going the extra mile with the skates, executing a great strut with that added difficulty.

At the challenge’s end, the judges offer constructive criticism to Laura and Emma, hoping to see growth in the two. Even though it was a close race between Holly and Angel, the challenge winner is Lauren!

She chooses Angel and Sarah to join her for a girl’s night out. While the trio drinks and flirts around the bar, the other girls are happy to have a reprieve. Then, an E-Mail slips in: “Time to reveal all. Less is definitely more. Love Elle.”

Naked Eye

The girls arrive to Dannii Minogue, who prompts the girls to a nude shoot. Catherine Harper joins her to shoot these liberating photographs.

Laura made very interesting shapes on the couch, but Dannii was frustrated that her body wasn’t translating into photos as well. Holly, on the other hand, killed the shoot. From her dark stockings to grungy hair, she completely embodied the sexy rocker look.

We Will Stock You

Angel looked like a heavenly being, and Sophie also caught an ethereal moment. Emma connected with the photographer, and that vibe led to stunning images. Before her shoot, Emily starts to feel the cold hand of insecurity. Saffron thinks that she has no excuse to feel bad in a nude shoot when she “had a Chinese last night”, but Emily’s sexual activity is none of her concern.

Lauren was determined to bring it all during the shoot, giving both facial and body variations. Likewise, Sarah brought an unparalleled elegance to the shoot, gaining the favor of both Dannii and the photographer. After some direction and body repositioning by Dannii, Naomi was able to capture good moments.

Saffron, from the beginning of the shoot, captured a fun goofy energy. Her images personify the sexier, more grown-up version of the Coppertone baby.

Copperbone

Even though she was last to go, Emily managed to get some “great ones”. She was scared to death, but persevered in order to convey an effortless photograph.

Panel

The judges start off with Laura. While she has “the right ingredients”, Elle feels that it’s hard work to find a good photo. The triad agrees that Holly has all the goods and christen her with “a good week”. Dannii pleads that Angel was a pleasure to work with on set.

Elle and Tyson are fascinated with Sarah’s image, and Dannii praises her ambition on set. While they are not pleased with her walk, the judges feel that Emma translates well in photos. Tyson loves Lauren’s photo (shocker!) and the other two women laud her walk.

The trio feels that both Sophie and Naomi stand out. Dannii likes Saffron’s personality but her walk leaves much to be desired. Elle loves the happiness in Emily’s photo but Tyson is unimpressed with her attitude during the challenge.

“Of the ten of you, only six of you are safe. The other four will remain in the room, where we will have a closer look at your work. Afterwards, one of you will leave. The girl who received picture of the week is…”













BOTTOM FOUR



Laura's runway and lackluster shot leave much to be desired. Elle feels like you need to "fake it until you make it" but Laura can do neither. Tyson advises Naomi to emote more through her eyes and not rely on her head and body positioning.

Dannii thinks that Saffron was too sexy for the brief but Elle commends her on her runway for not giving up. Tyson thinks that when Emily doesn't want to do something, it shows on her face. Elle believes that Emily isn't up for these challenges, and shows concern with the amount of excuses she's giving.

“Four of you stand before me and the portfolio in my hands belongs to the girl who is not still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. Having said that..."Naomi, Saffron, you are safe.

"Now, the girl who I call is no longer in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model.That girl is..."

Laura

While she is grateful for this once-in-a-lifetime experience, Laura admits that she wasn't prepared for such a hard journey.

Next time, the girls go to the country for a milk advert. Then, the girls pose in a fairy tales photoshoot, where elegance and style are essential. So, until next week
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Flair

BINTM c9 episode 5: "The First Rule of Light Club Is..."

Previously on Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, the girls were taken to castings. After Angel and Sarah were chosen by the designers to birth the Antichrist model their designs, the girls went to the beach for a steaming jeans shoot. Topless Naomi topped the shoot, while Sophie, Holly, and Abigail plundered. But it was ultimately Jessica who broke the hemlines, leaving 11 girls in the competition. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Lighten Up

After the elimination, the girls meet Elle and Nicki Johnston for a lesson on light and finding the right angles for the perfect shoot. Elle allows the girls to pose for five photos, and then struts in and fixes their faces. After Gepetto sets them up, the girls have five more frames to capitalize on this newfound light.

After a slew of “you’re awful” and “so boring”, Elle transforms Sophie into a grunge sensation and Laura’s inner model grows. 

Elle warns Abigail that while she may have lots of angles to choose from, posing straight-faced into the light amplifies her wrinkles to near Freddy Krueger-status.

Lightmare On Elm Street

But she still manages to retain a fresh face for Nicki’s final shot. “Can you feel the light?” Nicki sensually interrogates upon Emma’s entrance. Interpreting “light” to mean “sexual tension”, Emma moans a large‘yes’ and proceeds to pose. Sarah also impresses, finding her light quite effortlessly.

Naomi is fearful of her nose but Elle teaches her how to tame the rhino’s horn through the magic of lighting. And despite cries of “rhinoplasty” backstage, Naomi is confident in her nose; stating that it makes her look unique (plus the ability to crack large seeds…)

After the girls dine on some cashews courtesy of Naomi, Elle announces Sarah as the winner of this week’s challenge. She chooses Emma, Saffron, and Abigail to join her on a night out on the town.

While the other girls enjoy an emptier house, the winning quarto travels to a London pub. With the union of a “dancer from London” and a Yorkshire girl (the biggest rivalry since Lindsay Lohan and sobriety), the girls have trouble relaxing. By the end of the night, the girls were as happy as the Westboro Baptist Church at a taping of Queer As Folk.

As soon as they are released, Emma runs away from her archnemesis to read the

E-MAIL: “Remember to always find your light. Now take a deep breath. Love, Elle.”

Before going to bed for their 11:00 A.M. photoshoot, the girls start to gab about other things in the house. Angel doesn’t like the whispering behind people’s backs and despite Laura trying to explain the dynamics of the house; Angel exclaims that she “doesn’t like fakeness”. As Heidi Montag’s biggest fan, Naomi takes immediate offense to the statement. After a squabble, the girls head off to bed in order to prevent further feeding of Angel’s “attention seeking ways”.

Easy As ABSea

The next day, the girls are met by Tyson Beckford and Lauren Maddox, a representative for Top Tea. She explains that she wants the models to, like teabags, be dumped into water for this shoot. A pre-pubescent Call of Duty player at heart, Tyson is ecstatic about hot women and teabagging…

As Naomi prepares for her shoot, the girls discover that they will be able to watch all of the performances from another room. Even though Naomi gracefully swam, Sarah the hydrophobe grows more anxious. While Emma struggled to make dynamic shapes, Emily is able to use her army training to control both her face and body; looking like a beautiful mermaid in the water.

The Few, The Proud, The Aquamarines

Saffron, after hearing the words every man craves (“go deeper”), impresses Tyson with her dedication to the shoot. Holly, despite Angel’s “self-inflicted drama” backstage, delivered on set with elegant curves and movements. On the other side of things, the client agreed that Angel’s time on set was a travestea. 

Sophie was described as a “pixie”, and her ability to become attune with the water gave her great frames. Likewise, Lauren was able to have great elegance in the pool.

As a dancer, Abigail had a great control of her body; but Tyson felt that she didn't have enough variety. In addition to having to remove her glasses before the shoot, a bloated Laura felt insecure about getting in the water. Luckily, her portrayal of a sea critter works wonders as a Top Tea advert.

Iced (Mana)tea

However, Tyson was less than impressed, stating that she might be in the bottom four for her weak performance. As much as she didn’t want to do the shoot, Sarah convinced herself that she couldn’t give up. With Tyson’s assurance that “everybody is here for you”, Sarah was able to finish the shoot, but she’s terrified that the final product won’t be up to par.

Panel

Tyson states that Naomi was “easy” to shoot, and the others agree that her photo is strong. Dannii is unsatisfied with Emma’s expression and Tyson agrees; stating that it was a fight to capture a good shot. Elle is amazed at Lauren’s ability to remain calm underwater, but feels that it’s not her personal favorite.

With Sophie, all three judges agree that she’s like an angel in photos. Speaking of, Angel gets mixed reviews. Elle wants to give her the best photo while the other two call it the worst. Tyson said that Laura failed to control her eyes, letting fear control her on set.

Dannii wants Emily to soften up, even though the other two are impressed with her pointed toes. Likewise, Saffron was also praised by the judges for her constant control. Even though Tyson deems her the worst, Elle calls Abigail “simple and clean”. Finally, Holly and Sarah are lauded for their ability to command presence despite their worries.

“Of the eleven of you, only seven of you are safe. The other four will remain in the room, where we will have a closer look at your work. Afterwards, one of you will leave. The girl who received picture of the week is…”















BOTTOM FOUR



Tyson warns Emma not to led negativity get to her head, and Dannii encourages her to harness fear into positive energy. While Elle finds Abigail's image to be "high fashion", the other two feel that she's been trying very hard to adapt.

Elle thinks that Laura needs a lot of work to photograph well, and Tyson agrees that she needs to bring life during shoots to really pop out. Dannii wants Angel to be relaxed because her anger fails her. Elle tells her that she likes her photo, but being focused can elevate her.

“Four of you stand before me and the portfolio in my hands belongs to the girl who is not still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. Having said that…”"

Angel, Emma, you are safe.

“Now, the girl who I call is no longer in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. That girl is…”

Abigail

Abigail is grateful for the experience and the friends she has made along the way.

Next week, the girls take on a challenge with strange accessories. Then, they bare it all in a nude shoot with curves in all the right places. So, until next week...


Baby Got Back

BINTM c9 episode 4: "The Birds and the Beeches"

Previously on Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, the girls got their long-awaited makeovers. Despite most of the girls receiving minimalist changes, Saffron and Abigail refused to split with their ends. At a pummel horse shoot with Olympian Louis Smith, Lauren took the gold. And while Saffron, Abigail, and Laura failed to ride high on the horse, it was Danielle who took the pummel. Now, only 12 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

The episode opens up with Sophie and Holly complaining about the overall hygiene of the house. It is Angel’s trashy behavior, in particular, that upsets Holly; stating that her “shit is all over my bed”. Oblivious to the whereabouts of her feces, Angel blissfully ignores Holly and instead, shares the…

ELLE MAIL! With Locked out of Heaven thumping in the background, it reads: “Go and see if you can impress.”

Putting two and two together, the girls are ecstatic to walk for Lucifer. Despite her cries of “what do I wear”, Naomi throws on a coat of virgin hairs, eager to impress the client.

The Cast and the Furious

After a customary goat sacrifice, the girls are met by Models1 bookers. They are challenged to speed-date style castings; where they will try to book many jobs.

True to the Elle Mail, the girls’ first client is Daniel Lismore, a mix between Hades and an androgynous pop singer.

Prince (of the Underworld)

Sophie and Naomi both take minor tumbles, but Daniel assures them that they did well. Lauren, however, is praised for her naturally elegant strut. Likewise, Sarah and Saffron is lauded for working her tight red dress.

The second group, however, fails to be as professional. During Emma’s fitting, Angel is chastised for chatting. But the true disrespect comes from Abigail, who had the audacity to wear a blue bra. Daniel, a dedicated Smurfs hater, nearly foams at the mouth at the sight of Abigail’s garment. This rage boils over into Abi’s walk, where she trips over Daniel’s red-hot dress.

Girl on Ire

Now that he’s chosen some model representatives for the seven tits of Hell, the girls leave Daniel to walk for Ben De Lisi. Despite his intimidating posture, Ben assures the women that he’s going to give them constructive critics.

While Emily’s gallop fails to impress, Ben agrees that the star of the show is Naomi’s nose. Even though Angel and Emma try to prove him otherwise, Ben nose best and crowns Naomi as one of the best.

With the challenge concluded, Daniel and Ben choose their finalists. After some critique about confidence and overall poise, they have chosen…

ANGEL & SARAH. After picking Abigail and Emma to join their night-out, the other girls are relieved to spend some time without Angel. As they bask in the glory of ditching their guardian Angel, the girls get an

ELLE MAIL! “Do you fancy being the next queen of the castle? Don’t forget your buckets, and ditch your bikini. Luv Elle.”

Wither it’s foreshadowing to a nude shoot or a British coup d’etat, the girls are thrilled about the elusive message of the Mail.

Beaches & Cream

The next day, the girls are swept up early and taken to the beach (each, let’s go get away). They are met by Dannii Minogue and Joseph Sin Clair, but their main surprise is Jourdan Dunn, who will be advising the girls. Jourdan surprises the girls with the news that they will be wearing just jeans with the company of male models.

Sarah “transformed” into a vixen in the shoot, much to Dannii’s shock. Likewise, Naomi’s regal look works surprisingly well for this advert.

Long Live the Jean

Abigail was able to take direction well, and beat the cold to produce a steamy photograph. Jessica, on the other hand, was very awkward in her posing; letting her discomfort lead to a lack of variety.

Laura stood out during her sexy one-night stand, and Lauren was “so smoking”; half of the crew got lung cancer. Emily’s performance was merely second-hand smoke…

Angel and her male model had instant chemistry. With all the posing and arching, the shape was right and the ass looked heavenly. But enough about the male model…

Even though she was focusing more on the impending cold and covering up her nipples, Holly did manage to bring sexiness by the end of the shoot. Saffron was able to “grow from before” due to Dannii’s coaching.

Sophie suffered from the cold darkness at the end of the shoot, but was able to gain some good photos. From the very beginning, Emma was able to ooze sexual appeal. Watching the intense chemistry Emma and the male model displayed in this shoot was just enchanting. 

Hex on the Beach

At the end of the shoot, the girls worry about their performances.

Panel

As the girls view their photographs, the judges deliberate. While Elle appreciates Abigail’s features, Tyson calls her “a pretty girl, but not a model”. He also comments that Lauren is the star of the photo, a fact the women agree on. Laura and Sarah both get the sexy stamp of approval from the triad.

Dannii notes that Emily was more of a struggle to work with but Elle is fearful of Jessica’s inability to translate into photos. However, all three agree that Angel and Naomi hit the mark.

Tyson is worried that Holly’s body isn’t up to par, but her face is “wow”. He is also drawn to Saffron’s features, while the women find her lacking. Emma is praised by the trio but Sophie is “uncomfortable”.

“Of the thirteen of you, only nine of you are safe. The other four will remain in the room, where we will have a closer look at your work. Afterwards, one of you will leave. The girl who received picture of the week is…”

















BOTTOM FOUR


Abigail, despite having one of "the better images", feels terrible about her performance in the go-sees. Tyson thinks that she doesn't "have it" but has been proven wrong in photos. Likewise, Holly's photo was better than her go-sees. Dannii was uninspired by her scattered mind on set and Elle warns her to tone down the make-up at panel.

Jessica's walk, despite being chastised by Daniel, is praised by the women. Tyson, sensing that she was uncomfortable on the shoot, utters advice that many women have used on him before: "fake it". Sophie seemed "bored" during the go-sees and her photo continues the lack of passion.

“Four of you stand before me and the portfolio in my hands belongs to the girl who is not still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. Having said that…”"
Sophie, Holly, you are safe.

“Now, the girl who I call is no longer in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model. That girl is…”

JESSICA

She's upset that the "best time of her life" is over, but Jessica hopes to move on to better things.

Next week, the girls will take Polaroids with Nicki Johnston. If that wasn't terrifying enough, they will also slip underwater for a shot where Sarah freaks out. Don't you just want to comfort her? Anyway, until next time, hopefully Sarah can get over her fear of water and start smiling again...

Turn That Drown Upside Down!