With his restraining order against mediocrity in full effect, Julian McDonald has resigned from being a BINTM judge. Likewise, last series sent Whitney Port running toward The Hills. The new judging triad consists of Elle McPherson, Tyson Beckford, and Danii, a woman famous for sharing the same womb as Kylie Minogue.
Elle and the gang manage to crop all 55 auditioners (a BINTM record!) into a mere 28 semi-finalists, which they immediately fly out into the bowels of London.
Before the judges begin their critiques, we get to learn a little about the girls. Sarah, who grew up on an Irish farm, is intimidated by this diverse competition. Sarah is fearful that the judges lack compassion; unimpressed that Carrie Bradshaw is only source of fashion knowledge.
Sex and the Pity
Janay wants to be a “supermodel”. After demonstrating that she has a nice walk, Janay comments that she also has the brains; boasting an “A in maths”. Even though she really puts the bra in algebra, Janay is chastised by the other girls for choosing books over looks.
Before they get down to business, Elle reveals that the winner will be featured in a Revlon campaign, a TreSemeé ad, and be carted off to New York. She warns them that by the next two casting days, only 14 girls will be allowed into the Top Model house.
Walk the Line
After Danii tells the girls of their first runway challenge, they hectically sprint to the catwalk in preparation. One-by-one, the girls strut down while telling the judges a bit about themselves.
Emily, a former Cadet trainer for the Army, hopes to impress the judges with her determination. Even though Elle believes that Emily can serve great poses, Danii feels that serving the country is more suitable.
Usually a lover of women’s holes, Tyson uncharacteristically chastises Laura for having piercings. Lucy, on the other hand, is praised for being a University of Sussex scholar. While her love of tea charms Danii, her pussy(cat) is what really captivates Tyson.
Abi entrances the judges with her dance moves. While Tyson’s face reddens, his balls begin to match the color of Abi’s jeans instead.
Angel M. is also ecstatic about the competition. After she inhales puffs of air, she transforms into her alter-ego “A”. When she’s not terrorizing the cast of Pretty Little Liars, A can be seen as a “fierce diva”. Angel assures us that she’s not a psycho, but if those bangs are any indication…
The second Angel fails to impress. But before she falls from the judges’ good graces, Angel manages to serve up a killer walk. Holly, on the other hand, impresses all three.
During the judge’s deliberations, feelings are split about Emma’s presence. Angel, on the other hand, is lauded by all three as “striking”. While Tyson likes Saffron and Elle fawns over bubbly Christina, Danii is impressed with neither sugar nor spice.
To showcase the first cut, Elle and co. take the girls to a model stand to look for their photos. While eight of the girls face the end of the road, the 20 finalists continue on to the second day of casting.
Make Me Up Before You Go-Go
In a challenge to discern raw talent, Elle beckons the girls to pair up for a make-up free photoshoot. With their lack of cosmetics, the girls are only a couple of corn husks away from gracing the covers of Amish Weekly.
While the girls scrape off the make-up from their faces, worry starts to set in. Some girls are scared of their untouched noses (a.k.a. the Michael Jackson Syndrome) while others grew nervous at posing with a group.
Emma, Angel, Laura, and Hannah headline the first shoot. While all the girls had some minor upsets, Angel is especially upset for not bringing her “A” game. Instead of crying about her failures, Angel smiles manically; silently whispering the vowel over and over like a deranged Sesame Street character.
Brought To You By The Letter…
The second grouping of Lauren, Jessica, Claire, and Saffron doesn’t fare much better. With the toss of some hair and a bit of coaching from Elle, the girls manage to create a cohesive photo.
Before the shoot, Elizabeth’s nerves get the better of her. As the camera flashes, petrified Elizabeth bursts out crying. In an attempt to calm her down, Elle ponders “what’s the worst that can happen?”WRINKLES! Elizabeth weeps in mid-sob. Luckily, Elle is able to coax her, and the group starts to shoot. Despite wading in her puddle of tears, Elizabeth and the other girls are able to pose nicely.
When Angel O, Abigail, Danielle, and Naomi take the stage, there are some slip-ups. Angel is unable to give facial variety, and when given the “don’t look like a porn star” command by Tyson, Abigail transforms from a porn star to a
nevermind…
The final group consists of Alexandria, Sophie, Carly, and Sarah. While Sophie and Sarah nail almost every shoot, Carly and her nipple ring fail to pierce through mediocrity.
Now that all twenty semi-finalists have completed their photoshoot, the judges deliberate to pick the 14 girls who will make it into the Top Model house.
While they all praise Laura and Emma’s transformation on set, Tyson is uninspired by Christina. Elle is “gutted” by Angel O’s lackluster performance, and Danii wanted Carly to pose better. After a difficult deliberation, the groups are called in one at a time.
Hannah is cut from the first group for her lack of variety. Likewise, Claire is exiled from Group #2. While Elizabeth and Angel O. are chopped from the next two groups, Group #5 sees a double elimination with Alexandria and Carly both leaving.
With the fourteen finalists moving into the Top Model house, the competition heats up. Between all of the tears, fears, and queers, we’re in for a hell of a season! From snakes to underwater to even shooting with Paula Deen (pictured below), these girls are going to undertake an intense journey; but there can only be one
Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Mooooodel
No comments:
Post a Comment