BINTM c8 episode 3: Peacock Block

Previously on Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, the girls had one-on-one sessions with the judges. While some made lasting impressions, girls like Emma S and Kellie failed to imprint. In an Arabian royalty photoshoot, Penelope & Emma G ruled with an iron fist. With only 14 spots available in the competition, Diona, Louisa, & Anna did not receive their princess dowries. But in a shocking revelation, Amelia (Earhart) also chose to fly the coup. Now, only 13 girls remain. Who will become Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model?

But before that, let’s talk about the new opening! Oh my! All of the girls look fabulous…well, at least all the ones that aren’t named ‘Madeleine”. 

I really think the producers have some sort of obsession with Anne’s crotch. Seriously, if I took a shot every time the camera zoomed in on Anne’s vagina, I’d probably succumb to alcohol poisoning. 

Cheers!

Anyway, the girls are très excited to move into the house. They squeal and squirm at the “amazing and glamorous” house. Compared to the cardboard box Lisa lives in back in Ireland, the Top Model house is a freaking mansion.

In the backyard, there’s a giant pink purse waiting for the girls. Everyone wants to see what could possibly come out of this demented Jack-in-the-Box. Thieves? Male strippers? A venereal disease? 

Pandora’s Bag

Fortunately, the girls got their panties in a bunch for nothing. Instead of something terrible (likewrinkles!), the only thing in the oversized clutch was an E-Mail.

It instructs them to randomly pick their roommates. Jennifer is upset about the possibility of having to bunk with Madeleine and insists on staying with Manne. 

After their choices, the girls are let into the house in groups to check out their new digs. Squealing ensues. Once they realize that the rooms aren’t the same length, the girls begin arguing about unequal distribution. It seems like these girls still don’t get it: size doesn’t matter. 

Another E-Mail ushers the girls to get dressed for a party.

WINE UP

The girls are taken to a cocktail bar in the hopes of getting to know each other better (and to hopefully unleash some latent lesbian tendencies for the rare male audience).

Penelope confesses that being in a house with 13 girls makes her “appreciate men”. Girl, it’s only been 12 hours, not a decade. 

Still, that doesn’t stop Anita from trying to “acquaint” herself with the bartenders. The other girls looked on as she spewed bad pickup line after bad pickup line. 

After getting rejected by the men, she rejoins the other girls to “let her hair down” and let the alcohol do its job.

Lez Out with Your Hair Out

Afterwards, last series’ winner Jade appears. She gives them a pep talk and reminds them that not everywinner’s career crumbles post-show (<Lianna>). 

Before they can sleep their hangovers (and heterosexuality) away, the girls receive another…

E-MAIL: “You’ll be taking a walk on the wild side. Love, Elle.”

BIRD IS THE WORD

The girls arrive at a safari where they are met by Matt Henry, the catwalk coach from Models1. 

One by one, the girls amble for him. Even though Tasmin, Anne, & Jennifer walk like drunken toddlers with broken legs, some girls still manage to impress Matt. 

Convinced that even newborn deer can strut better than these girls, Matt challenges them to walk with animals. The girls each select their furry co-stars.

Lisa is terrified that she has to walk with a snake wrapped around her, like a certain pop star.

Britney Fears

Still, she manages to get over her reptilian worries and serves a striking stroll. 

Anita is “fuming” about having the skunk (that joke just writes itself) and Madeleine is ecstatic about the meerkat. All in all, the girls did better in their second try on the runway, except for…

Emma S. Oh, Emma S. She had a chicken the size of a rooster and even though she tried to control it on the runway, she was not able to keep it from flying off the handle. It was very awkward. So awkward in fact, that the word ‘awkward’ is not enough to encompass her performance. Her terrible runway walk has beckoned me to create a new word:

COCKWARD

But still, someone managed to excel in this challenge. The winner, with the best walk, is…

RISIKAT!

This prompts a bitchfest amongst the girls. Anita doesn’t see Risikat as “competition” and Emma S is upset that she messed up. Penelope urges her to gain some “confidence” and stop moping. But nothing can stop Emma Sad’s tears. Nothing except an…

E-MAIL! “Modeling has its ups and downs, much like your next photoshoot. Love, Elle.” 

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT BUTTERFLIES

The girls are met by Bip Ling, who then introduces Jodie Fox, the co-founder of Shoes of Prey. She tells them that they will be posing in groups as butterflies in harnesses and Risikat gets the joy of working alone as her challenge win. 

Anne and Madeleine made an interesting pair. Even though they were “in pain”, the two made “beautiful, graceful shapes”. Speaking of beautiful shapes…

Bottom’s Up!

Tasmin and Letitia were up next. Tasmin had “gorgeous legs” and took advantage of the wires. Letitia was “brilliant”, much to the despair of Anita; who was convinced that she was always getting the “best makeup, dresses, and hair”. 

Kellie and Emma G had infectious energy and moved like “winners”. Bip said that they were the “best pair so far”. 

After seeing them embrace, Jodie was convinced that Emma S and Roxanne would look best “cuddling”. Even though it made the two uncomfortable, Bip reassured them that they had an “amazing” photo.

When Penelope and Jennifer came on set, they had “sizzling eye contact” and a certain “sex appeal”; using it to sell the product.

Shoes of Gay

But emulating Katy Perry proved too steamy for Jennifer. She started feeling light-headed and had to be hoisted down in the middle of the shoot. After taking a breather, she returned to the harness and finished her frames. 

Despite looking like a “deer in headlights” before the photoshoot, Anita and Lisa ended up looking like “beautiful fairies” in the air. 

The other girls are jealous of Risikat. They think that she’s lucky to “not share the limelight”. During her shoot, she was a mixture of “gorgeous” and “beautiful”.

E-MAIL! “One of you must pack your bags because one of you will be eliminated tomorrow.”

PANEL

Apparently, the British public has a very bad memory because we are yet again introduced to the judges:

First, we have American model and actor, Tyson Beckford. 
Next, we have fashion designer and icon, Whitney Port. 
Then, we have international designer Julian McDonald.
And to round off the group, we have supermodel and head judge, Elle McPherson.
Joining the panel we have Alisha Dixon, who is famous for some reason or another.

The winner of Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model will live in a London suite, vacation to Dubai, have a contract with Models1, have a six-page spread and cover of Company Magazine, lead a Revlon campaign, and have a contract with Ms Selfridge. 

And yes, this is the only time I will give this long ass spiel. By the way, have you seen Elle?? She is giving some serious sex hair. It looks like Tyson’s pulling his weight, if you know what I mean...

Britain & Ireland’s Sext Top Model

Anyway, let’s move on to the judging.



Anita & Lisa: Whitney thinks that Lisa had a more “flattering” photo. Tyson is upset that Anita “lost the shoes” in the wide shot. 



Emma G & Kellie: Julian thinks that Emma G is a “sexbomb” but she is afraid to give “more (more more!)” Alisha believes that Kellie was “not quite there”. 



Emma S & Roxanne: Even though Alisha likes the “chemistry” between the two, Tyson is worried that Emma S isn't selling the product. Julian thinks that Roxanne is the aggressive superior girl in this photo.



Jennifer & Penelope: Elle is confused with Jennifer. She has a “rock and roll” persona but doesn’t have the actions to match. Whitney thinks that Penelope “dominated” this picture.



Madeleine & Anne: Tyson like the poses but is bothered by Madeleine being in the background. Alisha agrees, saying that she is immediately attracted to Anne and “those shoes”.



Letitia & Tasmin: The judges feel that Letitia is short compared to Tasmin. This fact, coupled with her torso’s angle, makes her boobs the real star of the photo. But the judges are hopeful for LeTITia.



Risikat: Alisha likes the pose and the exposure of the shoe, but Julian thinks that she looks “cheap”.

“Now we will be deciding who will stay and will be leaving this competition.”

Anita is “lost in the wind” while Lisa dominates. Tyson doesn’t see a model in Penelope but Whitney disagrees. The judges all like Jennifer.

They see vast improvement in Emma G and Kellie. Julian thinks that Roxanne outshines Emma S. Madeleine is very “hit or miss” whereas Anne “knocked it out of the park.”

Julian thinks that Letitia is destined to be a “page 3 girl”. The judges are hopeful that Risikat can go from “cheap to chic.”

So, who will eliminated?

“I have 13 beautiful girls before me, but only 12 photos in my hands. And these photos represent the girls that are still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. The first name I call has received picture of the week…”

ANNE

LISA
ROXANNE
LETITIA

KELLIE
ANITA
EMMA G
RISIKAT
MADELEINE
JENNIFER
PENELOPE

“Will Tasmin and Emma S please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And that photo goes to…”

TASMIN

Hopefully Emma S comes to America and peruses a career as a professional Blake Lively doppelganger. 

Next week, makeovers bring dramatic changes. Lisa gets her hair chopped and Roxanne gets a “carrot on her <bleeping> head”. If modeling doesn’t work out, at least Roxanne can make a nice living doing rabbit porn. 

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Any early faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Leave any and all comments below and I’ll see you next week!