Only one man can return! Much like the Judgment of Paris, the guys are attempting to bribe Tyra for the one spot in this competition:
Mike (arthritis-stricken): “Free ice cream, Tyra!”
Phil (frantically touching water): “Care for some wine?”
Jeremy: "̶H̶u̶l̶k̶ Jeremy confused. Jeremy take shirt off now.”
Phil (frantically touching water): “Care for some wine?”
Jeremy: "̶H̶u̶l̶k̶ Jeremy confused. Jeremy take shirt off now.”
Because she’s on the supermodel diet (cheesecake and heroine, hold the cheesecake), Tyra allows Jeremy to return to the competition.
Cory is not surprised that Jeremy was chosen by social media. “Whenever he takes his shirt off, everyone goes ‘gogogagaga’.” Considering that Jeremy looks like a five-year-old with muscles; that is a fair representation of his fans.
H2OMG
The models are taken to Siren Studios where they will be shooting a commercial for ̶Q̶u̶e̶e̶f̶ Quaff Water. Kelly Cutrone introduces their director, Vincent St. George; who should be arrested for that heinous newspaper shirt.
The models are taken to Siren Studios where they will be shooting a commercial for ̶Q̶u̶e̶e̶f̶ Quaff Water. Kelly Cutrone introduces their director, Vincent St. George; who should be arrested for that heinous newspaper shirt.
The New York Crimes
Anyway, the models are told to use a green-screen and reenact all of Vincent’s demands.
All of the models took his ridiculous orders well and there were no issues, until Renee’s commercial. She has “an irrational fear of things in suits” (ie: Republicans), so the camel prop freaks her out.
Still, she manages to model her unflattering onesie and produce a great commercial:
Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Cameltoes
At the end of the shoot, Kelly announces that this was all a sham. The director is really the comedian Reggie Watts. He was testing the models to see how spontaneous and willing to commit they could be.
He deems JouR2D2 the most versatile and awards her…a free installation of iOS7!
Back in the house, Chris starts getting upset at the lack of housework being done. He leaves Renee a note concerning her “ratchet ass” dirty dishes. She gets defensive and insists that Chris can’t make friends because of his attitude. In the middle of her virus scanning, Jourdan chimes in that he needs “love” in order to have friendships.
Feeling that Chris was being ganged up on, Jeremy comes into the mix. He tells Jourdan, “how do you know what love is if you got divorced at nineteen?”
Enraged at getting misquoted, Jourdan explodes: she is hell-bent on eliminating ̶J̶o̶h̶n̶ ̶C̶o̶n̶n̶o̶r̶ Jeremy.
Flaws of Attraction
The next day, the models are taken to Birmingham High School, where they are met by Johnny Wujek and Tyra. Feeling inspired by Shakespeare, Tyra decides to create a new word: flawsome.
“It’s about how having flaws makes you awesome,” Tyra lies, reminiscing about her youth. “Growing up was hard but then I realized: having a fivehead makes me pretty,” she weeps.
In keeping with the teenager theme, Jeremy is given exaggerated duck lips. He dedicates his photoshoot to all of the young white girls and swears that it’s #nofilter.
The Selfie of Dorian Grey
After some photos, Tyra decides to introduce some co-stars. She welcomes Shaun Ross, a famous male model with Albinism. She also lures in Disney star Zendaya, who is just there for her paycheck. Attempting to make the flawsome idea happen, Tyra vaguely draws three dots on Zendaya’s face: deeming these spots “freckles”.
Don’s insecurity is his ̶t̶h̶i̶r̶d̶ ̶l̶e̶g̶ skinny legs. It really is something that really bulges out, and is honestly the first thing that I notice...
Renee is initiated into the fivehead club, and Cory is given a widow’s peak. Nina accentuates her eyes while Jourdan is caught in a hairy situation: having to maintain a unibrow.
Marvin is given a Waldo sweater, and if that wasn’t too much of a flaw, a mole visible from outer space. During his shoot, Chris was having trouble showing off his gapped teeth. As for Alexandra, she is given the Shakira treatment. By the end of her shoot, she looks like the science teacher’s hot wife.
Hips Don’t Nye
“IT’S A WRAP.” As soon as the photoshoot concludes, Zendaya sprints out of the set. I guess she must have plans to have Drake murder her vagina or sit on a wrecking ball or something.
Panel
“You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
“You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, be offered a contract with Next Models, and receive a $100,000 campaign with Guess.”
Cory: Tyra calls it "crazy amazing" and deems it a 10. The others settle on a 7 and 8.
Jourdan: Kelly notes that her legs, unlike Rob after all this Zendaya, are flaccid. She receives 7s and an 8 from Kelly.
Marvin: The judges agree that he is relying on his beauty. He's given two 8s and a 7.
Chris: Kelly awards him a 9 but the other judges call it "too obvious" and hand out 7s.
Don: Kelly gives him a 7. The others feel that he "rocked it" and hand out a 9 and 10.
Jeremy: He receives a mix of 6, 8, and 9.
Nina: She blew all of the judges away. She is awarded a 9 from Kelly and 10s from the others.
Alexandra: The triad agrees that she doesn't "look young" and give triple 7s.
Renee: Despite the fan critique of having the same facial expressions, she receives a 10 from Kelly and two 9s.
"Now we will tally up the scores to reveal wh---"
Alexandra, tired of Tyra's monologues, leaves. She claims that her heart condition is quickening her heartbeat and rests while judging commences.
"Eight beautiful models (and Alexandra) stand before me. But I only have 8 photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The model with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”
NINA (43.9)
DON (40.1)
RENEE (39.7)
JOURDAN (37.1)
CORY (37.0)
JEREMY (35.7)
MARVIN (35.7)
"Will Chris please step forward? Alexandra is here before me in spirit. I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the beauty that is still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. With a score of 34.8 to 34.5, that model is..."
CHRIS
After the elimination, Alexandra is notified of her fate by the producers.
Next week, the models will be travelling to Bali, where they will partake in an underwater runway. So, until next time...
“You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
“You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, be offered a contract with Next Models, and receive a $100,000 campaign with Guess.”
Cory: Tyra calls it "crazy amazing" and deems it a 10. The others settle on a 7 and 8.
Jourdan: Kelly notes that her legs, unlike Rob after all this Zendaya, are flaccid. She receives 7s and an 8 from Kelly.
Marvin: The judges agree that he is relying on his beauty. He's given two 8s and a 7.
Chris: Kelly awards him a 9 but the other judges call it "too obvious" and hand out 7s.
Don: Kelly gives him a 7. The others feel that he "rocked it" and hand out a 9 and 10.
Jeremy: He receives a mix of 6, 8, and 9.
Nina: She blew all of the judges away. She is awarded a 9 from Kelly and 10s from the others.
Alexandra: The triad agrees that she doesn't "look young" and give triple 7s.
Renee: Despite the fan critique of having the same facial expressions, she receives a 10 from Kelly and two 9s.
"Now we will tally up the scores to reveal wh---"
Alexandra, tired of Tyra's monologues, leaves. She claims that her heart condition is quickening her heartbeat and rests while judging commences.
"Eight beautiful models (and Alexandra) stand before me. But I only have 8 photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The model with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”
NINA (43.9)
DON (40.1)
RENEE (39.7)
JOURDAN (37.1)
CORY (37.0)
JEREMY (35.7)
MARVIN (35.7)
"Will Chris please step forward? Alexandra is here before me in spirit. I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the beauty that is still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. With a score of 34.8 to 34.5, that model is..."
CHRIS
After the elimination, Alexandra is notified of her fate by the producers.
Next week, the models will be travelling to Bali, where they will partake in an underwater runway. So, until next time...
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