ANTM cycle 21 episode 2: "Life's A Beach"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra Banks started the search for a supermodel model decent looking individual. After inspecting their selfies, the batch narrowed down to twenty-two.

The models start to settle into the competition, eager about the next cut. Romeo and Raelia form a quick bond. I’m sure the twerking virgin will be eager to give away some hair if Romeo needs to brew a quick spell!

Matthew asserts that with female models, there’s “double the pressure.” It seems like his desire to hump has translated into his catwalk. When he’s not lurching like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Matthew has an alluring face and body to match.

Quasimodel

On the other side of the house, Adam and Ben have started a ‘bromance’. This basically ensures that the term ‘no homo brah’ will now punctuate every sentence.

My Way or the Subway

The next day, the models are brought to a train station where they meet up with Franco Lacosta. You may know him from cycle 20, your nightmares, or your local nail salon. He is back to judge the models on both their posing and personal style. He challenges them to “get dressed and get on the train.” All they’re missing is a cigarette and a baby on their lap before they become full-fledged New Yorkers!

Anyway, he states that they must dress up for the four seasons (all of which Danny has auditioned for). If they fail to get onto the train and get their pictures taken, they will be disqualified.

At the first summer detour, Matthew and Mirjana become quick friends. He is smitten by her personality and happy to be competing with her. Josh, on the other hand, is solely concentrated on the task at hand. He’s afraid that, being a “farmer from upstate,” this is his last chance to become a model.

When he gets on the train, Josh “thinks of home” after he strikes a pose. Unfortunately, his scarecrow look leaves Franco unimpressed. Josh needs to work on his posing before he’s told to click his heels and head back home.

I Think I’ll Diss You Most of All

Danny, on the other hand, captivates the photographer. Romeo is angry that the jerk is doing so well, only inflating his ego further. 

When he first meets Franco, Adam boasts that he looks “better than 95% of the general population.” Where is he getting these statistics? Are they the same that claim he’s in the “top 1 percentile of partiers”? Nevertheless, the numbers are not on Adam’s side when he misses the train by one minute.

Sitting in the empty subway, the other eliminated models contemplate their futures. “I’m scared that I might get eliminated because this challenge relates to modelling,” Ivy swears. How naive. Ivy strikes me like the shining optimist. She doesn’t see the glass as half-empty. Or that Adam slipped something into it…

While I don’t feel comfortable leaving any woman alone with Adam, Romeo is more concerned that Danny is one of the two models still on that train. He begins to root for his new friend Matthew by default.

After the two models duke it out, Franco announces that the competition was close. Matthew thinks he did well, citing the feeling like “losing my virginity.” DAMMIT! IT’S A LOSE-LOSE SITUATION FOR YOU NOW, MACBETH.

Nevertheless, Matthew gets the win. When Danny gets upset about his loss, Horatio calls him “too arrogant” for someone who was eliminated last cycle. “You’re like old fish, brother.”

“I’m not cocky,” Danny smirks as he smokes his cigar and coifs his hair.

The Codfather

“You come to me,” Danny spits as he strokes a cat, “on the day of my photoshoot and don’t even think to call me humble.” 

Mirjana, tired of the rivalry between Danny and Laertes, tells him that he is not ready to be on cycle 21 and quickly shuts down Danny and his whole syndicate. 

I Will Always Love Yu

The next day, the models are taken to a beach where they meet up with Kelly Cutrone. Due to budget cuts his brilliance on cycle 20, she introduces the new creative director Yu Tsai. 

Ivy is first to shoot. Even though Yu tells her that she is not a conventionally sexy girl, she has the blonde ambition to photograph well. She has that bombshell look that translates into class and a killer look.

James Blonde Girl

Other models don’t quite live up to her example. Shei proves to be quite shy in front of the camera, and Keith doesn’t serve much face. 

When Ben steps on set, Yu immediately pegs his look as the ultimate boy-next-door. Through his varying body shapes and facial expressions though, it turns out Big Ben has some international appeal.

Chantelle impresses Yu in front of the camera. He believes that her vitiligo tells a story and likens her to an X-Man. When the lights turn on, she poses like a Unique Mystique; on point throughout the whole shoot.

When Adam gets on set, he obnoxiously does some push-ups. After he finishes his reps with the kegs dumbbells, Adam gets on set. Within the first ten seconds, he “uses up all the moves” he has. (just like all his first dates!)

Yu encourages him to flex and “make love” to the camera. Adam growls at the lens and juts out his muscles. With such a small head, Adam’s beefed-up body reminds me of an disproportionate Dragon Ball Z villain.

His power level may be over 9000, but Adam only has one look in front of the camera. Likewise, Jamie Rae can’t seem to break through her shell on set. Yu is convinced she’s “dead inside,” and I have to agree. She just seems like cold hard plastic.

During the shoot, Kelly Cutrone decides to snoop backstage. She asks Matthew if he’s eyeing any girls. Like a mother (who's going through her goth mid-life crisis), she drags Mirjana over and tries to make some chemistry. Kelly would make a great cupid; I’m sure she would love the opportunity to shoot people.

After all of the individual photos, Yu brings the models together to lie in the sand for a group shot. As the models come together, Romeo raves that it’s “hot and sweaty and sexy”, something that he’s used to back home. I’m sure that this is always he takes pictures with his large family of witches.

Cheaper By The Coven

Judging with these photos, Tyra and co. decide which fourteen models will join the cast of cycle 21. She gathers all of the models atop a building to break the news. Crushing people’s dreams in a place where they can jump? Smart move, Ty.

The final cast of America’s Next Top Model is…

Chantelle
Will
Keith
Mirjana
Kari
Matthew
Lenox
Ben
Romeo
Ivy
Raelia
Shei
Adam
Denzel

Next week, Tyra promises that the models will become “living art” during a runway with...jizz? I’m sure Jackson Pollock is rolling over in his grave (new fashion show idea!) Anyway, I’ll see you next week when art imitates life.

No Homo