Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models fought for the coveted role of an extra on a undisclosed CW series. Then, they had to put their drama skills to the test during a frozen photoshoot. Even though Lenoxacted like she’s got actual competition, she won best picture anyway. While Raelia froze up, it was Kari who melted away. Now, only nine models remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?Back at the House, Denzel decides to sit Will down and explain why he was so spiteful at panel. “I’m sorry,” Denzel pleads. “But I was raised by an old-school man and Will has to respect my upbringing.” Considering Denzel brought a beer bottle and smacking hands, I fear that his “old school” morals involve an old fashion ass kicking. Personally, I think the pair cannot reconcile their differences; but Ivory wants to make it work with Ebony. I would love to be wrong and see Denzel overcome his bigoted background, but I fear that their rocky past is too much to move past. If Will “has a friend” in Denzel by the end of this competition, I will glady...Eat (Jim) Crow
On the other side of the House, Mirjana is hungry for attention. She admits that day by day, she has been “falling in love” with Denzel. She looks forward to his cuddling and likes “to feel his wet kisses” against her lips. Someone please buy Mirjana a puppy, slap a beard weave on it, and she won’t be able to tell the difference!The next day, the models are taken to a studio where Kelly Cutrone introduces Marvin Scott Jarrett. He is a correspondent of Nylon, and one of those responsible for such monstrosities.“We need someone whose natural, fun, and effortlessly cool,” he babbles in a lifeless monotone. Marvin then introduces something that Kelly has devoted “fifteen years of her life” to. Seeing as she labels herself as a “dream crusher”, I’m guessing this will be a photoshoot with the thing that broke Cutrone’s own spirit: her 15-year-old daughter…Unfortunately, we’re not ready for that amount of soul-sucking. Instead, Kelly showcases her fashion line: Electronic Love Army. If you ever wanted to drape black and slightly-less-black quilts on yourself, these are the clothes for you!Mirjana, Lenox, and Denzel go first. They are assigned ‘Electronic’, but they decide to go for a shouting theme instead. Are they looking at the cost of these overpriced rags? Did they start shopping at Hot Topic? Has Mirjana’s boyfriend finally received his breakup letter? Nevermind the situation, they look like a group of scared banshees.
See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Shriek No Evil
I guess they are selling the Kelly Cutrone brand! Unfortunately, Denzel takes off his shirt for the second shoot. Kelly warns him that the body oil on his chest isn’t attractive, but Denzel heeds her warnings. Being next to all these high heels is triggering his alpha-male instincts. That’s just the masculinity oozing out of him, Cutrone! Will, Matthew, and Raelia are given the “Love” command. Matthew may not believe in labels, but I’m pretty sure Raelia is a ‘third wheel’ here. Still, she tries to slip herself into the manfest that manifests between Matthew and Will. She squeaks by with a suggestion that they should make a flattering photograph, but Matthew wants it to be more sexy. They agree tit for tat and Raelia does one topless shoot before doing her sultry threeway idea. Meanwhile, Adam, Keith, and Shei make war, not love. Adam attempts to show off his guns, but Shei takes another approach with the “Army” concept. The trio decides to make victory poses, and make dynamic shapes.“I think you look so modern,” Marvin reads from his Nokia. “Shei, you are cool and I think your team really has the Nylon look.” he says with feigned excitement. Shei is ecstatic that she will be on Nylon TV and compliments Marvin’s taste. Considering he spends more time breaking hips than being hip, I’m sure Marvin is elated to see some fresh youth in the magazine. Back home, the models look at their challenge scores. Mirjana, Denzel, and Lenox are shocked to see their team has gotten the worst scores of the day. Lenox blames these dismal points on Mirjana and Denzel’s raging hormones.
Mark of the Yeast
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. When Mirjana overhears some of the girls talking about Denzel, she realizes that he’s only been using her for her body. She storms up to Denzel outside and confronts him:
Mirjana: “Did you say things about me that I should know about?”
Denzel: “Um, that you’re too young?”
Mirjana: “Why don’t you just hit up a nursing home? You want liverspots, not G-spots.”
Denzel (strokes beard weave): “And you have a boyfriend back home. This is just to fill a void while we’re here.”
Mirjana: “Well, I’m not here to fill your voids.”
Denzel: “No homo.”
Mirjana: “You can just go upstairs and separate our beds because we are over.”
Denzel: “Fine. I don’t need to sleep with you anyway.”
Mirjana (sucks thumb instead of Denzel): “Fine. It’s my bedtime anyway so, goodbye! Don’t talk to me ever!”
After the implosion of Denzel and Mirjana’s relationship, the models decide to call it a day. After sleeping by themselves, the models are taken to another photoshoot: where they meet up with Tyra.“I’m here to reveal your DNA tests,” she squeals after introducing the models to Ken Chahine. “Say hello to your real father a representative from AncestryDNA.” Tyra then proclaims that all of these models have some common backgrounds. She is hell-bent on proving that these people all stem from common roots. Tyra must really want to look at Keith’s family history to make sure their babies are top notch. Anyway, she goes on a spree picking random models and assigning them some new cultures. Tyra is frustrated that people have gone so long with assimilation and should be proud of their backgrounds. She makes the point that everyone is connected in some way: Denzel is probably Mirjana’s eighth-cousin thrice-removed on her great-grandmother’s best friend’s side. Really dodged a bullet there, Mirj! Tyra calls Lenox, Raelia, and Mirjana forward: claiming that they all share some Asian heritage. There is no specification, just Asian. Did their ancestors sleep with the entire continent? If they finished within two minutes, well, color me impressed.The most “shocking” is that Will and Denzel share three links in their ancestry:Denzel is surprised that he can share all of these identities with Will. Birds of a same beard weave flock together…Now that the models have spent three minutes living with their new cultures, Tyra decides to make them embody these identities in a photoshoot. She picks out an assortment of tacky appropriations that the models must wear. I would go into how inappropriate this concept is, but I fear that Tyra might make me apologize to it instead.The models are then given another element of the shoot. Cory Wade from cycle 20 returns in a robot costume, announcing that"In the future, scientists believe that ethnicities will eventually mesh into one. Scientists also believe that artificial intelligence will merge with human beings and the two will become one. So today you will be falling in love with a robot.” So, I think it’s safe to assume that Tyra has no credentials at all. She probably think Blade Runner is a futuristic catwalk. Nevertheless, she wants the models to pose with Cory while still retaining their newly given identities.Shei wears her Irish identity on her sleeve (literally, it’s a green bracelet.) Tyra is disappointed that she doesn’t have enough passion behind her pose. Likewise, Matthew doesn’t yet have a grasp of his lifelong Spanish heritage. His poses don’t match his face, and by the end, the shoot has gone rogue. Luckily, Raelia is ready to work. Despite having one of the most egregious outfits, she channels her 1/64 Native American on set. Tyra is eager that Raelia’s poses overpowered Cory instead of working with him. The photographer adored the great resistance to technology Raelia embodied on set. The irony is rich in this one.(Hu)manifest Destiny
Mirjana, on the other hand, wastes her tears on another separation. The breakup with Denzel still weighs on her mind, and she struggles to focus on set. Even posing with Cory reminds her of the drama back home.Likewise, Denzel is a little uncomfortable posing with the man. Now that he and Will are soul brothers, Denzel redirects his homophobia to Cory. He is steadfast in his “masculine” poses, and forgets the romantic concept of the photoshoot.When Lenox walks on set, she is focused and ready to shoot. She has no distractions, so her connection with Cory is strong. Will also finds a fast bond with Cory, and delivers strong poses on set.After the shoot, the models return home to the news that an elimination will take place tomorrow. Even though she has broken things off with Denzel, Mirjana confesses that she “still misses him.” It’s been a day, not a decade. Get a grip, Mirjana!Still, she wants the affection that comes with Denzel’s company. Even though he repeats that he doesn’t see a relationship sprouting from this union, Mirjana allows them to get back together. Within minutes, they kiss and make-up. I guess this shoot has made Mirjana realize how much she cares for Denzel. Once You Go Black (and Finnish and Scandinavian and European Jewish and…)
Now that the lovebirds are back on track, the rest of the models fly the coup: eager for the next elimination.Panel
Tyra likes Mirjana’s face but Miss Jay thinks she looks disproportionate. She receives a 7, 8, and 9 from the judges.
Tyra likes the “knee tooch (?)” and along with Miss Jay, gives Raelia an 8. Kelly feels the disconnect and deems the photo a 6.
The judges feel that Shei is very stiff in her posing. She gets two 8s and a 7.
Tyra likes the cheekbones but Miss Jay compares it a “Life-Alert ad.” Adam is given two 7s and a 9.
While Matthew always gives good face, his body is lukewarm. He receives a triad of 7s.
Kelly thinks that Keith is “ugly-pretty” and, along with Miss Jay, gives him a 7. Tyra, however, loves the intensity and gifts him a 9.
Lenox is lauded with the season’s first perfect score (10/10/10) for her divine face.
Tyra is entranced by Will’s “booty and face”. Kelly hands out a 10 while the others decide on 9s.
The judges are confused about Denzel, feeling that he doesn’t listen to “advice on set.” He is given two 8s and a 9."Now the judges and I will add up these scores and see who will still be in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model."
"The model with the best score is..."
LENOX (43.9)
WILL (42.1)
SHEI (38.1)
KEITH (37.9)
ADAM (37.7)
DENZEL (37.2)
RAELIA (36.3)
"Mirjana and Matthew, you two have the lowest scores. With a score of 35.7 to 35.2, the model that will remain in this competition is..."
MIRJANA
Matthew wishes that he could have continued further to “show off his skills.” I would say he’s sad about leaving the competition, but I don’t want to define him. #nolabels
Next week, the models take on Fashion Week with guest designer Betsey Johnson. Then, there is a studio shoot that is sure to test relationships. Until next time!
