ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 15: "Lacey & Leather"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the final four models shot mock covers for Nylon Magazine. Since his page was the most well-received, Nyle booked the gig: getting himself a spot in Nylon Video. During a photoshoot with Tyra’s mother, the models were shocked with a surprise family visit. After putting the ‘mom’ back in ‘Mamé’, the diplomat’s daughter earned a first call out. In an emotional bottom two, neither Mikey or Lacey were sent home. Mother of Pearl!Now, the girls and guys will fight it out for the two coveted spots in the finale.

When they get back to the House, Mamé sees her photo hung up for all to see. She’s grateful to have seen her mother make such a long visit to her. Tyra gives her a TyTyTip; complete with Frozen references to boot. I understand that plane ticket was expensive Tyra, but this is not the best way to attract sponsorships.








While Mamé waxes poetic about the reunion with her momé, Mikey is glad to have been spared from elimination. His mother worked hard to raise his family and deserves all of the praise she got last panel. 

Nyle and Lacey flock to the other side of the House. It’s become clear that a rift has occurred in the group (the ‘Good’ and the ‘Evil’), so the two ‘Good’ models break off to discuss life. They decide to sleep early for the next day’s photoshoot: Lacey and Nyle hit the sheets while Mamé and Mikey are under theirs.

The next day, the four are taken to a pool where they meet with Yu Tsai. He explains that they will be shooting a campaign for Nylon that would inevitable be sold worldwide. Lacey is ready to “cream” Mamé. For an eighteen year old virgin, Lacey sounds unusually excited about cream. Come to the side of “Evil”!

Mamé, however, won’t go down without a fight. She welcomes the photographer The Cobrasnake and even compliments his wardrobe.

Talk about diplomatic! Mamé even keeps it hush-hush when Yu Tsai says they’ll be sneaking back into this pool at night. Even if they get caught, she’ll have diplomatic immunity. Suck on that, Lacey!

Mikey and Nyle are the first pair to shoot. Nyle is nervous because he started off this competition with little experience, but has grown and adapted. He starts off awkward, but eventually falls into form. 

Mikey, however, is confident from the start. In fact, when the first photo requires the men to illegally climb a wire fence, Mikey is elated. Last week he shot with his mother, now he gets to reunite with his brothers?

His arresting beauty allows Mikey to impress the Nylon executives. As the shoot progresses, Nyle is told to “relax” into his poses. By the third section, the two guys are pretty head-to-head in their photographs.

After the guys are done, Mamé and Lacey are told to get ready for a swimwear shoot. Lacey gets into the pool and promises to “let loose.” She strips off her veils and before The Cobrasnake can tell her, Lacey gets into very sleazy poses.

Mamé, of course, is loving this. She starts her shoot and strikes strong, sexy poses that result in much better photographs that Lacey. Being a jealous little mushroom, Lacey tries to spread herself into Mamé’s shoot. In a very disrespectful play, Lacey ends up interrupting Mamé’s time and forces The Cobrasnake to take extra photos of her.

I thought there was one bitch in that image, but there’s two! 

After the shoot, the four return to the House. With Devin gone, there’s an awkward quietness that cannot be filled with idle chitchat. Instead, the two groups once again separate and talk about their feelings going forward.

Mikey admits that after his six-year relationship finished, he isn’t one to fall in love anymore. He wants to “make himself happy” before he can worry about making someone else happy. What a typical man, putting his own pleasure first…

Once the two groups are done shading each other, all four models are taken to a run-down motel in the desert where they meet Yu Tsai. He welcomes them to the set of their Zappos challenge with a straight-up lie: “This is one of my favorite locations to shoot.” Deer maybe, but not high fashion photography.

Before the shoot, the Zappos representative awards Mamé a gift certificate for a shopping spree. She promises that their clothes will “deliver happiness and fun” to Mamé. 

Lacey thinks that her “youthful spunk” will reflect the bohemian vibe of Zappos, but I disagree. Mamé’s free-loving attitude is probably more akin to the hippie Zappos brand.

The Zappos reps work to create the story of their campaign: an innocent jetsetter goes into this hotel and, swayed by its vibes, becomes a sexy, fierce woman. I don’t know much about international travel, but I’d be less worried about modelling and more about the ‘vibes’ of a cheap motel room.


Find Your (Black)Light

Mamé finds her own success in the shoot. She once again sees Lacey overposing and decides to downplay her own posing. Mamé ends up beating out Lacey in the shoot when the Zappos representatives say that she “impressed them more than the frontrunner.”

Mikey and Nyle continue the American Horror Story: Motel trend by posing as sensual guys waiting in the motel room. Mikey claims that his photos are expensive: $40, possibly $50 depending on which girls are working that night…

Nyle is told that his poses are too stiff and, by the end of the shoot, loosens up enough to take some decent photographs. At the end of the shoot, the models return to their home to find out about yet another challenge. I guess it explains why Eric Asla’s been absent the last two weeks!

Before they get whisked away to the final runway, the models are reminded of Tyra’s request for a presentation. You know, the one where they have to condense their sob-stories and make them into marketable products? Yeah.

Mikey tells us the remarkable tale of how he overcame his nature. He was “suppose to” not graduate high school, get a girl pregnant, and sell drugs. Instead, he became a model: a profession that values girls who don’t graduate high school, don’t get pregnant, and buy drugs. Overcome adversity, Mikey!

Lacey also begins to sob about her mother’s divorce. She caterwauls about gaining thirty pounds in her mourning period and not having friends in high school. Lacey’s black bangs look more and more like a funeral shroud every minute.

With those sob stories expressed, the four models make their way to the Walt Disney Concert Hall.

Yu Tsai announces that the final runway is “inspired” by the curvature of the building. The underpaid intern building this set was too drunk to walk in a straight line, let alone construct one. 

As the final four prepare to walk, the previously eliminated models crash the party. Mamé immediately notices that Justin is upset. She runs up to Devin and he admits that he may have talked about that cold night in the cabin. He was cornered,he pleads. Devin should have run (DMC)...

He tells her that he “is disappointed” but will continue to love her. Mamé admits that it was a mistake, but has lost Justin’s trust. While this goes on, Mikey flirts with Hadassah some more, IN FRONT OF ASHLEY’S FACE!

Thankfully, Tyra stops all of this madness to gather up the final four. She announces that there will be a cut before the runway. Hopefully Lacey gets eliminated, her dress will help cushion the fall.

Luckily for them, Tyra holds up until they are able to give their presentations. She brings out their mothers and extra special guest: Keith Carlos. If anyone can help calm the models before a large show, it’s Mr. Manaconda himself!

And with that - the episode ends! That’s right, yet another week without an elimination. This cycle of America’s Next Top Model might as well be renamed to A Republican Presidency: they’d probably have the same rate of progress.

Nevertheless, be sure to tune in on December 4th for the series finale and see who will walk away with this cycle’s crown. Until then...

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 14: "Mama Who Bore Me"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models became fierce-a-preneurs. They’ve already sold their souls, so the final five are challenged to now sell a product to Tyra. Mikey wins with his Tocks, which he promptly wears for a photoshoot in the woods. After the shoot as night creatures, Mikey gets best photo while Devin is left in the dark. Now, only four models remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

The episode starts off with the models returning to the House. Mikey is in awe for once again receiving best picture. He talks about his transformation from a delinquent child into a (soon to be) model citizen and I, for once, applaud him. Looking at his childhood photos, I can see how much Mikey has grown.




Unfortunately, Mikey still hasn’t completely gotten over his childish antics. He admits that after that cold night in the cabin, he wants to snuggle up with Mamé again. She is adamant that the experience made her treasure Justin more, but Mamé still cuddles with Mikey for the night. 

Before settling in for the night, Mamé reminds Mikey that they are “just friends” and must behave as such. She moves over a bit in the bed and asks Mikey if he’s alright with not being too close. I’m sure Mikey has no issues with talking to women from a distance. In fact, talking through a bullet-proof glass is probably Mikey’s preferred means of communication. 

In the middle of the night, the models are interrupted with a visit from Miss Jay. He greets them and congratulates the final four with a BBQ. Great going, Jay! Mikey and Mamé are already hot and bothered; you can’t bother them with an even hotter meal!

Still, Miss Jay announces that there’s a “present” for them outside. Lacey is concerned that a stranger “with nice hair” is in their backyard.



I love how Lacey’s immediate reaction is to go ahead and introduce herself. This small town girl surviving the real world is gonna have to develop some safety skills. For all she knows, this woman is a posh Los Angeles hobo looking for a hot meal and bottles of Garnier Fructis. 

Luckily, Miss Jay takes a moment to introduce her. She is a supermodel, soon-to-be mother, and co-host of Tyra’s new talk show The Fab Life: Chrissy Teigen. Chrissy is here to give advice to every model during their relaxing getaway from the competition.

Mikey, of course, hears none of those words. He’s so enchanted by Chrissy that even eating ribs has some sort of sexual tension for him.



Apparently, Mikey’s horndog ways work because Chrissy admits that, since he won best picture last week, his “reward is me.” Well, not like that. He may be a fierce-a-preneur now, but Mikey still has a way to go before he can compete with John Legend, Chrissy’s husband.

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing, John! Chrissy has more of an open session with all of the models than actually consulting Mikey one-on-one. She tells them about the awkward beginning she had as a model and the difficulties of getting signed to her first agency. If only Devin were here, he could give her one of his agencies and still has some to spare!

By the end, Mikey is thrilled to have spoken with Chrissy. He wanted to have some alone time with her to really “learn about the industry”, but I’m sure what he had envisioned would get him in trouble with the father of her child, John Legend. Hmmm...make a family with Chrissy or join his own in prison? Seems like a win-win for Mikey here.

Once Chrissy is ushered away, the models receive a new Tyra Mail:



I know this show’s budget is quickly declining, but can they not at least afford an editor? Luckily, I caught this mistake and can fix it for you. Tyra’s real message reads as follows: 

“Ever been mocked? As an America’s Next Top Model contestant, you better get used to it. Fierce and love, TyTy.”

And with that warning, the final four are off to their next challenge. An editor from Nylon Magazine challenges the models to shoot mock covers; from which the public will choose. The cover with the best visceral response will be deemed the winner and be featured on Nylon Video. 

“Nylon is a fun brand,” the woman claims. “and the cover is a place for your personality to shine through.” I don’t think we need another challenge that attempts to glean some relatability from these people, but alas, Nylon is all about it! 

In fact, they want such a range of traits that the eliminated contestants also did some mock covers. At this point, I can’t blame the show anymore. There’s probably one overworked intern making all these covers on Microsoft Word; painstakingly ignoring all the red lines over words like “smize” and “boom boom boom”.

So, if you were curious as to how some of the eliminated models did, take a look below. Just do it quickly, can’t get caught staring at Hadassah’s cover from a distance!




As for the four models who are actually participating, they are very self-conscious about the process. They have to look on from a monitor and watch passerby accept their covers. I would like to point out the bias that Nylon’s readers are predominantly young white women aged 18-25, but it would fall on deaf ears... 

In the end, Nyle is chosen for having the “best connection.” His celebration is short-lived when Tyra comes knocking on the door. 

“¿Donde estas mis modelos?” she shrieks. Lacey is excited, albeit confused. She doesn’t understand what “kind of language” Tyra is speaking. It’s okay, Lacey. You see, when Tyra was 17 in Madrid, in Spain…

Tyra is here in order to introduce the photographer for this week. This person was the first to shoot her, and was responsible for the Tyra we know and love today. That photographer is…



Tyra’s mother! I love how, after Erik Asla, Tyra has given the camera to her mother. Keeping it in the family, TyTy! She admits that putting Tyra out into the industry was frightful because she’s heard stories of people getting taken advantage of. 

Tyra vouches for her mother’s credibility and states how lucky she was to have a support system when she was growing up. Yes, if Tyra’s mother didn’t protect her from the modelling industry, she could’ve ended up on a low-budget television program that exploits the insecurities of young women…

Carolyn then gives the models a metaphoric piece of advice: “plan for the end, at the beginning.” It seems to come full circle when, during the 22nd cycle, Tyra brings her mother over to talk with the models like its inaugural cycle. It’s a heartwarming moment; I feel very touched (and for once, not by Mikey!)

The most emotional reunion is with Mamé and her mother.



Due to the nature of being a diplomat, Mamé spends very small increments of time with her family. Her mother, despite the language barrier, is happy to see her daughter again and the two women embrace. The touching moments don’t end here. Carolyn tells the pairs that they’ll be shooting two photos as a mother-child pair.

All in all, every photoshoot is very heart-wrenching and emotionally driven. As nice as it is to see the models reconnect with their families, it doesn’t do much to the drama aspects of this episode. But it’s okay, I’d rather see boring than boning (sorry Mikey!). 

At the risk of having a Oedipean slip, I won’t go too into detail about the photoshoot. Every mother had new bouts of confidence and, when the time came to eliminate one, they were all terrified. Now that’s what I call family bonding!

Panel



Tyra calls Mamé’s first pose “regal” and loves the chemistry between the two women. Kelly prefers the second shot and the way her mother lit up with the wild costumes. All in all, the judges agree that Mamé’s photographs are “magical.”

Miss Jay admires the emotion behind Mikey’s first image. Tyra says that it has an aura of pure love. As for the second photo, they have a resemblance to “Vikings.” I don’t know if Tyra was trying to be offensive, but comparing jailbird Mikey to a people known for rape and pillaging? Sounds about right...



BothLacey and her mother have a “strong & hard” attitude in the first photo. Kelly is impressed that they can be connected while also modelling as individuals. Miss Jay calls the second image “interactive”, and Tyra agrees, lauding the fact that Lacey can look alive in a photo.

Unfortunately, it is Nyle’s mother that steals the spotlight. Kelly states that she has a strong attitude and understands her angles. The second photograph, according to Tyra, tells a “cool story” and highlights the relationship between the two.

Now that the judges have seen every photo, we’ll deliberate.. The model with the best score is…

MAME (37.1)

NYLE (37.0)

And with only Lacey and Mikey left, we have a tie score of 35.2. Because of that, the judges have decided to…”

SAVE BOTH MODELS.

And with that, Mikey falls to the group and starts sobbing like a baby. You’d think they told him that Hadassah was in the Tyra Suite or the prison’s visiting hours were extended; that’s how emotional Mikey became.

But the news isn’t as exciting for the rest of the models. Tyra announces that next week, there will be a duel for one girl and one guy in the finals. Each of the four must showcase a presentation and the two that blow Tyra’s socks Tocks off enter the final. Who will earn themselves a spot in the finale? Until next week...

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 13: "Hello Darkness, My Old Friend"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the final six took on a salon show. Mamé was the best-in-show and took home the Zappos prize. In a Vegas-style photoshoot, Hadassah couldn’t go big so she go’ed home. Now, only five models remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

When they return to the House, the remaining models revel in the fact that this is the Final Five. Mamé is happy to have gotten first-call-out for the first time and enjoys the splendors of the Tyra Suite. She gets a TyTyTip to really “take command” of her life. Hope Justin’s into domineering women, no more Ms. Nice Diplomat’s Daughter!

Before Mamé can rest on her laurels, Kelly Cutrone announces a new challenge. Tyra wants the models to become ‘fierce entrepreneurs’ and create a marketable product: like a Harvard degree printer or an algorithm to write fake Twitter praise.



I enjoy this challenge for a multitude of reasons. For one, we only have a limited amount of Top Model left; so we need Tyra to include new words to the English lexicon before it’s too late. I’m not sure if this latest addition is spelled fierce-e-preneur or fierce-a-preneur; maybe one of the models can invest their seed money to create a dictionary. Just like Modelland, it’ll be 576 pages long, full of incoherent babble, and sell nearly as well.

But what really makes this memorable is how Tyra explains it. In not so many words, she admits that modelling is a fleeting career and models have to know what to do next. Thus, the word fierce-a-preneur was born. Frankly, fierce-a-Walgreen’s-clerk is a more realistic post-Top Model career, but let’s just entertain Tyra’s little fantasy. 

She challenges each model to incorporate their ‘brand’ into the product. With that criteria; I wish they had done this task earlier. We missed out on some great potential here, Miss Banks!



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Just like God, this product doesn’t exist.



Have you ever wanted a second chance to try something over (and get the same result?) Getting rejected by an extra wasn’t enough, do it again! Known side-effects include teenage fangirls and loss of smiling capabilities.



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Whether it’s a crush or your neglectful father that left you with a nanny, Hadassah’s Binoculars can help you stare atanyone from a distance!

Unfortunately for us, the remaining models aren’t nearly as opportunistic and create pretty uninspired products. After Kelly announced that the winner gets $2500 as seed money, I can understand the lack of enthusiasm. Call me spoiled, but I won’t wake up for less than $10,000.

Nonetheless, each model goes up to present their products with vigor. Mikey introduces his trademarked Tocks. He explains that it’s a combination of “tank tops and socks.” When I heard the original pitch; I thought Mikey was making cock socks, so I’m severely disappointed here.



Mikey gets emotional and admits that he wants to make “affordable fashion” for guys with rough childhoods like his. With that, he announces the prices: $8 for socks and $20 for a tank…

Excuse me? Did Mikey get advice from his brothers? Cozy outerwear may be a hot commodity in the prison yard, but I doubt regular people will spend all that money on such common garments.

He gloats that he was inspired by the stories he heard back at the Zappos headquarters. Mikey claims he read the CEO’s book front to back before coming up with the Tocks concept. The only way this book inspired Mikey’s absurd product pricing was if he ripped out the pages and rolled them into marijuana blunts before crunching numbers.

Lacey is next up with her concept. She wants to market her experiences as a 18-year-old virgin in the cutthroat fashion industry.



Check out that name! As much as I raged on Tocks, at least it rolls off the tongue. For someone who hasn’t had a boyfriend, Lacey sure is a size queen…

Still, the marketing directors enjoy her energy. They say that Lacey’s narrative is relatable but it ultimately fails because her book doesn’t sound too interesting. 

Likewise, Mamé’s Goddess Tribe has a nice message of female empowerment but the judges are lost on the commercial appeal. She promises that jewelry will be the central theme, but they still mark her down as being frazzled.

Devin is confident in his fragrance collection Emotions. Hopefully the success Careys over from his initial inspiration:

Devin comes with six scents; presumably dedicated to each of his agencies. Paris smells like urine, New York resembles garbage, LA’s distinctive odor is Coppertone, Japan and Italy share the aroma of wine, and New Jersey reeks of regret…

Even though Devin’s strategy was solid, the judges thought that Emotions wasn’t a fitting name. They just don’t have the same mind as Devin; he has an eye for branding; two eyes in fact! Still, Tyra wishes he had used a word more encapsulating of Devin’s overall personality. Quirky? Flamboyance? The Male Gayze?

Last up is Nyle. He decides on an ASL app called Sign That. He explains that the hearing community can learn little phrases and words in sign language through his video cues. Despite the great pitch, one of the judges calls it “too difficult” and deems it a pipe dream. Huh, guess an ASL appfeaturing Nyle really is something that’s unmarketable…

With that, Tyra announces that...how do I say this...there were ideas…



And the winner is...MIKEY’S COCK SOCKS TOCKS. They have a third leg if that’s what Tyra was implying…

However, Mikey can’t celebrate for too long because the models are immediately whisked away to their next photoshoot. Yu Tsai meets them at a forlorn cabin in the woods. 

He tries to get them amped about the “midnight monsters” photoshoot by telling them a lame ghost story. We all know the scariest thing about Yu Tsai is his photography, but let’s just play along.



Ahhhh, how scary…

In addition to shooting in the haunted woods, Yu Tsai plays on the “fear to fashion” prompt even more by announcing that this photoshoot will be completely in the dark. Tyra actually broke the budget taking us to Vegas, so the truth is we can’t afford things like lights and makeup anymore.

All in all, the photoshoot is pretty lackluster. The shoot is very time constrained and doesn’t allow for much movement. Mikey says he prefers to “do it in the dark”, but as long as he gets to “do it”, I don’t think Mikey really cares about the lighting situation. 

Devin tried to tone down his theatrics on set and Nyle had difficulties, not being able to see or hear. Lacey thinks she did well; but she’s usually in the dark in regards to her modelling anyway...

After the shoot, Mikey and Mamé take it upon themselves to conserve heat.



Mamé explains repeatedly that this is strictly for the night and Mikey consents. In fact, he evens goes as far as to say that Mamé means nothing and he just wants a warm body to sleep next to. AND THEY SAY ROMANCE IS DEAD.

The other models don’t take his words for face value though. Lacey thinks that he’s up to his old habits again and Devin is still mourning the former DMA love. While the two cuddle, Devin just sits in the corner and looks on with a warm drink in hand. Poor Devin is so alone; six agencies yet no one to cuddle with…



And with that, they get up and take a drive back to the Top Model house. While they’re on the bus, the models get a message about the impending elimination.

Panel


Miss Jay likens the image to a “flamenco dancer” and Kelly agrees, calling Lacey’spose a little too dramatic. Likewise, all of the judges are blown away by Mamé’s ability to pose. Tyra admits that this was a test shot but Maméis becoming such a good model that she’s “always on”.



Kelly calls Nyle a vampire and I’m inclined to agree. The cape swish looks more Dracula than anything, and the energy is pretty dead. 

When they talk about Mikey’s images, however, it’s a whole nother thing. He has “good energy” and straddles the line between model and mystery. Devin’s photo stirs up some debate between the judges. Tyra loves the relaxed nature of his face but Kelly is not impressed.

Now that the judges have reviewed all the photos, the scoring will be totaled. The model with the best photo is…

MIKEY (37.5)

MAME (34)

LACEY (33.9)

“And with a score of 33 to 29.1, the model who stays is…”

NYLE

While Devin is disappointed to be leaving this close to the end, he is happy to have had the experience to learn.

And then there were four! Next week, the models take on the cover of Nylon Magazine. Lacey struggles to find the line between sexy and sleazy; and there’s ugly clothing galore. You don’t want to miss it! Until next week...

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