Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model begins with a collection of Jade’s winning looks. Our stunning host Elle McPherson introduces us and reminds us…the time has come to crown a new winner.
First, we are reacquainted with the judges. First, we have the fabulous Elle. She gloats that she wants the winner to be “unique and special”, even though the montage of her work flashing the screen proves otherwise.
Next we have Julian McDonald. He has ditched the mop of hair he wore for the last four years and lost weight like Star Jones. He insists that the winner has to be “young, fresh, and elegant”. At let's not forget: bootiful.
Then, we are met with the new judges. First, we have Whitney Port, who is apparently a very esteemed fashion person. She shares the stage with Tyson Beckford. He is listed as a famed male model and actor. But let us not forget his most famous role…
So, who will become Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model?
Elle and the judges have cropped the thousands of audition tapes to the Top 20. They are all let into an English hotel, where they size each other up through talk and tea.
Even in the midst of the cattiness, one girl catches my eye.
Roxanne. Oh Roxanne. What can I say about Roxanne? It baffles me how one girl can be a doppelganger to so many people. It’s as if Angelea and Jade had a lesbonic fling and produce a child.
We Are Family
Other than the lovechild of two Top Models, there are more girls with interesting looks, i.e.: Anne and Lisa.
In the middle of tea time, Elle walks in and announces that the Top 20 will be walking in a runway show. They must dress and style themselves to showcase their personalities.
Run-A-Way
Despite the madness backstage, most of the girls shake off their pre-show jitters. Risikat wowed Elle on the katwalk while Emma S stumbled during her stroll.
Lisa, on the other hand, will do “anything it takes” to become Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model.
Anything, You Say?
Back on the runway, Letitia proved that she was a competitor with her “flirty walk”. Between her lettuce-like name and her sultry strut, Letitia can make a very seductive salad.
At the end of the show, Elle is upset that most of them were “terrified” walking down the runway. Not that having her at the end isn’t menacing enough.
Carrie, Eat Your Heart Out
Nevertheless, she is notably impressed by most of the girls. In fact, she implores that the decision is SO difficult for her without the judges that they will all be flown to DUBAI!
After a round of squeals, shrieks, and praise to unnamed deities, Elle reminds them that there will be an elimination.
All the girls are understandably excited, especially Vanessa; whose been away from her daughter during this: the “best experience of her life”. 97% of parents would agree.
Hello, Dubai
Once they touch ground in Dubai, all of the girls cackle in undecipherable accents about the pristine oceans and architecture.
In their hotel, they receive an E-Mail which states that tomorrow will be the next photoshoot. So, they take the day off “Dubai-style”; which apparently means going to the beach and nonchalantly tossing some balls around.
After about three minutes of volleyball, the girls retire to their sandy resort. Madeleine is angry (her default emotion) and talks about how annoying the girls are. Her and Anne tightly wrap themselves in their towels and hobble in the corner to discuss these girls’ antics.
Burritos, anyone?
On the other side of the beach, Vanessa is anxious and suffering from child withdrawal. She is a “nervous wreck” and doesn’t think she can handle being without. Even after Roxanne attempts to comfort her, not even the allure of being Britain’s Next Top Model can cheer Vanessa up.
Pep(si) In Her Step
All the girls head to their hotel and Madeleine is immediately annoyed by her roommates. She reiterates that she is NOT here to make friends and storms off during her argument with Anita. Then they play Ke$ha’s Blow. Fitting.
During her consultation with the judges, Elle announces that Catherine quit the competition because it was “too stressful.” She then commands Whitney and Tyson to mentor the girls during their first swimwear shoot.
Bikini Kill
The girls are met by Whitney and Tyson, who instruct them to hair and makeup. However, before the shoot, Vanessa requests a sidebar. She is “missing home” and thinks this “contest is too much pressure”. Tyson is upset but tells her “when one door closes, another one opens.” Just as long as that door leads to his bedroom.
During the shoot, Whitney and Tyson feel that Risikat is “comfortable” with the camera but Emma G stole the show. However, Anita struggled and brought the group down.
Whitney thinks that Louisa has a beautiful face and that Danielle is “lucky”. Tyson believes that Roxanne, Lisa, and Letitia are superstars. But they both agree: Anne is the “winner of the bunch”.
All Hail the Queef Queen
Julian greets the girls with an E-Mail. Unfortunately, one of the girls will be eliminated during breakfast.
At the deliberation, the judges are all in consensus that Anne, Emma G, Letitia, and Lisa are all stand-outs. They feel that Madeleine, Danielle, Penelope, and Anita are the ones who were struggling the most.
So…who will be eliminated?
All of the girls are anxious about the impending elimination. The next day, they go to an aquarium to eat breakfast and meet Elle.
Side note: is this how manta rays look like in Dubai? Did it eat a cheetah? I don't know.
Where the Wild Uggs Are
Anyway, we still have a girl to eliminate!
Elle comes up to the girls and they immediately stop eating (as if they started). She is very sorry to inform us that the girl who will not be Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model is…
DANIELLE
Now, only 17 girls remain. Next week the girls go head-to-head with the judges. At an Arabian princesses photoshoot, the heat is on during their final attempts to make it into the Top Model house.
Are you ready for BINTM cycle 8? Who are your early faves? What did you think of the two quitters? Who is in your ideal Top 14? Sound off in the comments below.
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