BINTM c8 episode 5: Ten and a Half Men

Previously on Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, the girls were victims of follicular homicide. After their hair was sliced, diced, and dyed inorganic colors, the women then modeled Baby G watches in a prison. While Roxanne and Emma got out for good behavior, Tasmin failed to make her parole officer proud. But sadly, it was Penelope who faced the death sentence. Now, only 11 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

After the judging, the girls talk about the latest proceedings. Madeleine “offends” Roxanne by telling her that Emma deserved the first call out.

Roxanne explodes in anger and tells her that being “French” is no excuse to confront and disrespect people. It’s as if the jaffa is seeping into her brain and turning her into a violent ginger-tinted maniac. I really won’t be surprised if Roxanne kills Madeleine in her sleep and uses her blood as dye.

Dreadhead

Before Roxanne can arrange plans to strangle Madeleine with her new weave, the girls receive an:

E-MAIL! “Tomorrow, be proud to tell the world who you are. Love, Elle.”

The girls think that they will be giving speeches about their insecurities, or getting naked. Considering that half of BINTM’s viewership is pervy middle-aged aristocrats, I suggest a merge of the two…

Unpretty In Pink

The girls arrive at a school and are met by image consultant/Aladdin-fetishist Vernon Francois. The gay peddler tells them that they will be talking to 200 schoolchildren about accepting their flaws and “embracing themselves”. *insert masturbation joke here* 

Vernon then goes to hand out blank T-shirts that the girls will adorn with their “biggest insecurities”. Even though he tells them that they can solve their greatest flaws with “confidence”, only the magic of cosmetics can truly hide all unattractive features. 

Genie in a (Shampoo) Bottle

While Anne is having trouble narrowing her paragraph of problems down to one word, Kellie is finding it difficult to even conjure up anything negative. 

Before they go on stage, the girls are introduced to Aled Jones from Radio1. Because kids are “the worst critics”, Aled insures them that he will be in the audience to “cheer them on.”

All in all, these speeches are a little too After School Special to me and drone on and on. Aled smiles like an idiot, oblivious to the dryness of these words. But the kids are not as easily fazed by this bullshit.

Stop Trying to Making ‘Fetch’ Happen…

Still, the girls continue to lay on the cheese:

Anne rambles on about her beak nose and gets Alad’s stamp of approval. Anita talks about having a “short fuse” and how it’s not worth it to be mean. Lisa talks about being “misunderstood” and Kellie encourages them to have “confidence”. 

Madeleine talks about being “too competitive”. Tasmin tells the flock of kids that she finds it difficult to “open up.” Emma convinces them that she’s “shy” and Letitia tells them to stop caring about what others think.

Risikat talks about the “odd” hardships of living in Ukraine and Roxanne comes out to discuss having “confidence” during her unglory days in school. But let’s be real. We all know what that shirt should say:

JAFFRO

Nevertheless, Aled says that they “impressed” him and rewards them with a Girl’s Night Out, a.k.a. Lesbian Conversion Night Part II.

Raise Your Glass

The girls are let out to a London bar and dine in luxury like “rich people”. Then, almost immediately, champagne is thrown at them. Despite the “stunning” London backdrop, the women focused on getting liquored up. I wonder if Living is desperate enough for a lesbonic fling that they constantly keep these girls inebriated.

In Memory of Anne!

But everything is not all fun and (drinking) games. The next E-Mail prompts the girls to get ready to “do it like a man”. (You mean fast and rough?)

Hapenis Is A Warm Gun

The girls get really into the manly role by waking up the next day with aching hangovers. They are whisked away to a gentleman’s man where they are greeted by Tyson Beckford.

He instructs them to “retain” their feminine charm while being dressed in men’s clothing. He informs them that they only have 5 minutes to get the perfect androgynous shot. So apparently, the point of this photoshoot is to look somewhat manly while still remaining feminine…

Somewhere in the English countryside, Sigmund Freud is rolling over in his grave.

Many of the girls are also confused about this idea. Namely their vaginas, who reject this Freudian concept immediately. 

Penis Disenvy

Letitia finds posing difficult and ensures us that she’s “never been a man before.” All across the country, millions of trannies’ hopes have been just crushed. 

Jennifer did sultry poses and played up the sexy element. Risikat was overwhelmed by the hardness of being a man (no pun intended). By the end, she ran out of poses.

Kellie is concerned that she hasn’t given her best yet and Tyson is unimpressed. Despite Tyson’s coaching, Anita struggled to stop looking like a “rabbit in headlights.”

In the beginning, Emma wasn’t as strong as Tyson expected. She is worried that the girls have gotten “the brief wrong”.

Madeleine was “too scary” for Tyson’s liking. Roxanne was confident that she would do well and got in within the “first four minutes.” Lisa felt that she had an advantage because she “understood” the expectations and was heavily praised by the client. 

Tasmin was “nervous” and according to Tyson, she has the “model body but…” 

Tyson basically orgasmed during Anne’s shoot, calling her “what the industry needs.”

After the shoot, Roxanne decides to take out her aggressions by slaughtering a chicken and having a roast. 

All the girls enjoy Roxy’s murderous spoils and talk about the upcoming elimination. Madeleine is nervous and Jennifer is worried that “it could be anyone.”

PANEL

This week’s guest judge is the fabulous Andrej Pajic! He has worked on both male and female runways and is a highly sought after model.

By the way, it took me three weeks to notice but, doesn’t Anita look like Rebecca Black?



But I disgress…

Mennifer: Andrej loves the pose and angles and Elle thinks she’s a “beautiful boy”.



Penisa: Julian thinks that she’s “sporty” and “young”. While Andrej is not a fan of the odd pose, he does admire the fact that Lisa is a “chameleon”.



Manita: Elle thinks that she looks “cock-eyed” and even though Whitney & Andrej try to confront her, Tyson thinks she can’t handle it.



Coxanne: Even though Tyson thinks that she’s “cocky” and not the kind of girl he wants to “hang with”, the other judges think she is “absolutely incredible”.



Risikat: Andrej doesn’t think it looks “fashion” and Whitney thinks that the styling is “unfortunate.” Julian thinks that she could have pushed more.



Emman: Elle and Andrej agree that she looks like a “supermodel.” Julian thinks that the clothes look phenomenal on her.



Tasmen: Even though Andrej thinks that she has a “great body,” Whitney is upset that she didn’t “pop.”



Manne: Julian thinks that she’s “common as dishwater” and the other judges agree. Tyson tries to “blame the room”. Bitch please…



Maneliene: The judges are worried that she still doesn’t understand her angles.



Letitia: Tyson thinks that she “nailed it” but Julian doesn’t see the “masculinity”.



Kellie: Whitney appreciates the “softness” and the judges think that the clothes aren’t doing her any favors. Nevertheless, they like the photo.

“Now the judges will deliberate and see which one of you will go home.”

The judges love Jennifer’s quirkiness. Even though they love Letitia’s photo, Andrej is uncertain about her future as a high-end fashion model. 

Whitney loves Lisa and Tyson agrees, saying that she can “just work.” Julian is not impressed by Anita. Tyson is pissy about his ego about Roxanne but the others love her photo. Whitney thinks that Risikat should “fake it” until she makes it. 

The judges are all in unison about Emma’s amazingness. Julian likes Tasmin’s personality but doesn’t see her as a model. Tyson is “disappointed” in Anne. 

Julian is worried that after you take away the clothes and makeup, there isn’t much left in Madeleine. Andrej is hopeful about Kellie and says that she could work if she harnesses her skill.

“I have 11 beautiful girls before me, but only 10 photos in my hands. And these photos represent the girls that are still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. This week, for picture of the week, it’s a tie between…”

EMMA & ROXANNE

LETITIA
LISA
JENNIFER
ANITA
MADELEINE
KELLIE
RISIKAT

“Will Tasmin and Anne please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And that photo goes to…”

ANNE

I guess the third times not the charm. Tasmin is “proud” of herself and will miss the girls.

Next week, the girls take on an acting challenge. Then, they go to Paris and meet a familiar (and fierce) face, Joy McLaren!

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and I’ll see you next week!