Still trying to get accustomed to living in the world of his creation, Phil [Jesus] decides to mellow out with his fellow competitors. Upset with Jiana’s elimination, he joins in on Jourdan’s first-call-out celebrations:
“TOP EIGHT!” the models roar as they return home. Jourdan computes for a second, and utters a simple “woo”. Fearful that they are praising Jourdan’s image, Phil gets up to inspect the false idol:
Enraged that anyone could name this false prophet the “queen” of social media, Phil runs upstairs and quickly reconvenes with his Father. “Forgive them, for they know not their sin,” Phil cries as Renee snuggles with Jourdan.
Trying to “keep her enemies closer”, Renee tries to buddy up to Jourdan. Feeling that her gears might need some new oil soon, jouR2D2 decides to split the Tyra Suite with her new BFF Renee.
Marvin, on the other hand, is traumatized from yet another elimination. Trying to keep his mind off of sobbing, he flirts with the entire cast. “I’ve cried in the girl’s room, I cried in the bathroom, I cried everywhere,” he charms Renee. “Marvin’s like thirty years older than me,” Renee retorts. Still, he manages to croak out a seductive hey, baby before his Alzheimer’s silences him.
Unable to resist the lure of his AARP membership, Renee decides to cuddle with Marvin. Stroking his thinning white hair, Renee talks to Marvin in order to remain calm. Because he’s lived through the 1929 tragedy, Marvin makes a Great Anti-Depressant.
Fashion Weak
The next day, the models are greeted by Rob Evans and Alexis Borges, the manager of NEXT Models. “I see such fresh faces here today,” Alexis notices before Marvin’s arrival. He tells them that they will be walking for two major clients.
Jourdan is ecstatic at the prospect of walking in L.A. runway shows. Nina’s nerves, however, only worsen as she doesn’t have the right look for Legs&Ass Fashion Week.
During their casting with Paulie Gibson, Marvin is the only male who lacks the charisma of the brand. Despite having a walk that’s “too good”, Jourdan is also chastised for being a soulless automaton. Hopefully, her download of iOS7 includes a personality feature.
Renee, on the other hand, strikes gold in her casting. She embodies the cool L.A. vibe and her speedy walk entices the client.
California Gold Rush
At the end of the day, Paulie Gibson decides to book everyone except Marvin and Jourdan. Afterwards, the models are split into castings for Civil Society and XCVI.
Due to a thorough McAfee inspection, Jourdan is confident that she will impress the second designer.“This is the kind of stuff I wear at home,” she lies. Unless her closet is full of drapery and polyester onesies, Jourdan is just desperately working the client.
Unfortunately for her, Renee’s stomp gets her the second book. With the realization that she has booked 0 of 2 jobs, Jourdan’s circuitry malfunctions. Her eyes close, and a lone tear rolls down her cheek alaTerminator.
In the guy’s session with Civil Society, Chris and Don are lauded. Marvin finds that his smile makes him look like a child, and the client finds issue with his mouth. Sadly for Marvin, he has the dreaded Miley Cyrus Syndrome: an uncontrollable tongue. It’s flopped out in the middle of his walk and licked several pairs of jeans.
At the end, Civil Society decides to book Chris, Don, and Phil. Marvin and Jourdan decide to throw a pity party. As the other models walk, Marvin’s tongue gets hammered while jouR2D2 weeps in silence like a true Jedi.
Luke Crywalker
After modeling some glorified pajamas, all of the models are critiqued. Phil is chastised for not respecting the garments, while Don is lauded for his strong walk. It is Renee however, who wins the judges’ favor.
Back at the house, Phil is enraged at his 8. If he didn’t drag his oversized sweater on the runway’s floor, he could have won the challenge. Out of fish and bread to multiply, Jesus retorts to wailing on a punching bag (nicknamed: Judas).
Afterwards, the models get their Tyra Mail: “Fashion is a reflection of you. Luv Tyra.”
Field of Dreams
The next day, the models are taken to the Canyon Ranch where they are met by Johnny Wujek. He instructs them to embody magical creatures for a photoshoot in the field. The models will pose with a mirror to encapsulate a mythical look.
Before her shoot, Jourdan decided to exact revenge on Renee for making her seem stupid on set. She ventures out to the field and finds a stray toad. Oblivious to the racial implications of giving a black girl a frog, Jourdan launches the amphibian at Renee. In true Disney manner, Renee swats it away and pushes Jourdan away. FIGHT THE POWER ‘NEE!
Nina is very elegant with her poses, and uses the couture dress to its fullest magical extent. With his newly tinted hair, Marvin personifies the sexy fairy-tale role quite nicely.
Little Red Ride-his Wood
Nevertheless, Johnny wanted more variety in his body positioning. Cory, on the other hand, was great when it came to different facial and body shapes.
Chris gives the photographer the right kind of intensity during the shoot. Phil, however, fails to incorporate Rob’s advice of having fierce eyes. Even though he tries to tone his body, his face remains too soft for this type of shoot.
Before he starts, Johnny tells Jourdan to let loose. “I can be crazy,” the monotone promises. “I’m not like other girls,” Jourdan proclaims as she readjusts her antennae. Don and Renee both do well in the shoot, despite having a frog in the premises.
After a day full of emotional abuse from the amphibious arms of Jourdan, Renee decides to give in and cuddle with Marvin. He warns her of the Marvin Curse (patent pending) where every girl that he’s liked has ended in misfortune. Need examples?
۰ Marvin liked Bianca and she was eliminated.
۰ Marvin liked Chlea and she was eliminated.
۰ Marvin liked Tina Fey and 30 Rock was cancelled.
Nevertheless, Renee takes the bait. Totally disregarding that polygamous marriage from Week 1, Renee seduces Marvin and his floppy Miley Cyrus tongue.
HomeWrecking Ball
And after an hour or so, they can’t stop. And they won’t stop. Until Tyrant forces them with a Skull Mail.
Panel
“You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
“You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, be offered a contract with Next Models, and receive a $100,000 campaign with Guess.”
“You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, be offered a contract with Next Models, and receive a $100,000 campaign with Guess.”
Nina: Tyra calls it ethereal and awards a 10. Kelly and Rob agree with their graceful 9s.
Don: Rob feels that he looks "out of place" and along with Kelly, grants him 7s. Tyra settles on an 8.
Renee: Kelly feels that she's too scrunched over and deems it a 7. Rob and Tyra love her face and go with a 9 and 10.
Jourdan: Tyra calls it a "cheap" shot and deems it a 6. The other judges disagree with the verdict, calling it an "innocent" 9.
Cory: The ladies think it's disproportionate and settle on 8s. Rob likes the masculinity and lauds with a 9.
Phil: With his soft eyes and strange body, he receives an array of 5, 6, and 7.
Chris: After likening it to Twilight, the ladies give him 10s. Rob settles on a 9.
Marvin: He has a strong face, but the 'baby' often comes out. He's given 8s by the women, while Rob chastises him with a 6.
"Eight beautiful models stand before me. But I only have 7 photos in my hands. And these seven photos represent the seven of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The model with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”
CHRIS (43.1)
NINA (42.6)
RENEE (41.3)
CORY (38.5)
JOURDAN (37.1)
DON (36.9)
"Will Marvin and Phil please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the beauty that is still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. With a score of 31.9 to 30.3, that model is..."
MARVIN
But before you crucify yourselves, remember than Phil has a chance to return to the competition. Along with the other eliminated models, Phil's social media score will tell if he can return. Now, as Tyra announces this twist, Phil freaks out. His whole body is shaking, as if he's praying with his whole body to the Father, the Son, and the
MARVIN
But before you crucify yourselves, remember than Phil has a chance to return to the competition. Along with the other eliminated models, Phil's social media score will tell if he can return. Now, as Tyra announces this twist, Phil freaks out. His whole body is shaking, as if he's praying with his whole body to the Father, the Son, and the
Holey Spirit
Before the comeback contender is announced, Tyra comments that the models will be going to Bali. After screaming, crying, and peeing themselves over a place they pretend to know, the models learn that, with a social media score of 7.0,
ALEXANDRA WILL RETURN. In addition, a male model will be joining her, who will be revealed next week.
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