Ciclo 22 Episodio 04

La chica que obtiene un Afeitado de costado     ||Fecha de Emisión Original || 26 de agosto 2015 ||

Los 13 modelos son llevados a una nueva sesión fotográfica en la cual deben posar con dos sobrevivientes del ejercito americano, Alex Minsky & Melissa Stockwell. Al conocer las historias de ambos veteranos Ashley y Nyle son los más emocionados. Al finalizar la sesión los modelos son llevados a un salón de belleza en el cual tyra les anuncia a cada modelo su TY-OVERS. Hadassah Richardson fué la más afectada al momento de saber que su TY-OVERS consiste en un afeitado lateral. Durante el panel de eliminación Hadassah no pudo ocultar ante los jueces su descontento con su nuevo look, provocando también discusiones en el basckstage, fuera del panel.

Primer Llamado: Ava Capra.

Ultimos Llamados: Hadassah Richardson y Stefano Churchill. 

  Eliminado : Stefano Churchill.

(IMAGENES EN ORDEN CALL-OUT )

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 4: "Make Fun, Not War"

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the stakes were raised during a heightened runway challenge. After the ‘bound by love’ photoshoot; Delanie found herself heartbroken as she left the Top Model house. Now, only thirteen models remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Before we delve into this new episode, let’s discuss the opening for a moment. We’re usually met with Tyra bouncing around to EDM for five minutes before quickly editing in some of the model’s faces. This time around, we got this…

I know it says, “don’t hate, congratulate,” but I’ve never been one to follow the rules. This is actually not that bad of a concept, but it is strange how the entire intro is in black and white. I’m guessing it’s a symbolic metaphor for how ANTM is getting into it’s senior years and, like an old dog, is losing all of its vision. 

Regardless of its intention, it subtly reminds me of a Shakira music video. I guess Tyra really is flaunting that Harvard degree, because she managed to encapsulate my feelings toward this show in one simple picture: oh ANTM, I just can’t remember to forget you...

After Delanie’s elimination, the models return to the mansion to find Devin’s photo being displayed as digital art. Somewhere in a gym clutching tear-stained underwear;Bryant is weeping.

In order to not let his ego get too big, Devin gets to sleep in the Suite which is comprised entirely of Tyra’s pictures. Don’t forget who’s the real (fore)head of household!

As if all of these luxuries aren’t enough, Devin also gets the #tytytip (he’s not ready for the entire thing). She shares with him the secrets of her own career and how to improve his longevity:

After receiving the tricks of the trade, the enlightened Devin decides to bestow his knowledge to the rest of the models downstairs. Bello immediately declares him to be an “over the top model.” Hell, if I had to act out Tyra & Erik Asla’s love life for my first photoshoot; I’d be “over Top Model” too.

Nevertheless, Devin has some real friends in the House. Devin, Mikey, and Ashley have become such fast friends that they’re already bathing together. They call themselves ‘DMA’, perhaps because the alternative ‘Rub A Dub Dub; Three Queens In A Tub’ doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as nicely. 

Still, Devin feels like a third wheel amongst Ashley and Mikey. He explains that it’s difficult being in the middle of them, and it’s even harder to recruit new friends in the house. For instance; after trying to bond with Hadassah, he gripes that “no one in the house likes her.”

It’s really not that hard to get along with Hadassah, Devin. She literally developed rules to make this as simple as possible! Did you eat in her presence? Did you leave the toilet seat up? Did either of your eyes stare at her from a distance? 

Still, Devin decides to tell Hadassah that she has no friends. He even goes as far as to call her “snobby” and obnoxious because she grew up with a nanny. I don’t think Devin understands how nannies work; because they are the most humble and personable women you’ll ever meet. Regardless of what Devin has to say, Hadassah’s home life is picture perfect:

Wanting to stick his nose in even further, Devin then talks Stefano; who is still reeling from his bottom two last week. Stefano wants to be left alone because the “energy is draining”. Out of context: this makes Stefano sound like an introvert. Thanks to the last three confrontational episodes, we know he’s really referring to seeping the life-force of the remaining models while they sleep.

During their conversation, Stefano demands that Devin “keep eye contact” with him; and gets upset when he fails to do so. Depending on which eye you’re focusing on, Devin can be either making or breaking eye contact, so I understand Stefano’s dilemma. 

Schrodinger's Smize

Before Stefano can take a vial of blood, the two feuding models are stopped by a Tyra Mail. The delivery man quickly leaves before Devin can pick a fight with him:

“A hero never backs down. Luv, Tyra.”

Models + heroine, seems like a typical photoshoot.
.

The next day, Yu Tsai greets the models at a camp with two special guests: Melissa Stockwell and Alex Minsky. They are survivors of war who will be participating in this week’s photoshoot. Military service is a very serious thing and the treatment of veterans is no laughing matter: but I do manage to let out a chuckle at this whole display. These people have already survived horrific challenges and constant fighting: why would you bring them to a show that does the same thing? ANTM has always been a little insensitive; but glamorizing war (especially in other countries) is a new low.

I mean, only on America’s Next Top Model will they skim past someone’s story about serving the country but make sure their prosthetic leg is color coded to the clothes…

As a whole, the photoshoot is quite uneventful. Joe Zee shows up and announces that he’s going to be looking over the shoot like it’s a “real campaign”. I’m not sure about that, but if this is anything like a real photoshoot: sign me up! I mean, five minutes into the shoot: he said, “I don’t want to pooped on,” so I feel like I’ll be missing many golden showers opportunities by not working in the fashion industry.

But back to the show. Despite having an entire career built on answering “world peace” to banal questions; Hadassah sure has a lot of trouble during this wartime photoshoot. Yu Tsai has the same problem with Devin. He acts like a Diva on set but he doesn’t have the main component of Beyoncé: he doesn’t Listen!

Dustin has a similar issue. “You’re not taking this seriously,” Erik Asla says as he counts down the seconds until Tyra’s next ovulation before abandoning the shoot. 

After the photos are all taken, the models return to the house where Stefano decides to call his mother. He confides in her that he has no friends here but instead wants to beat them all in the competition. This scene is confusing for me since the family photo suggests a woman, but the demonic gargle from the telephone supports my theory that Stefano is some form of dementor. 

While Stefano plans his family reunion the next Republican Convention, the models travel to the Cristophe Salon. Hadassah is worried about getting a makeover because she’s from Texas and they frown upon anything “too extreme.” Confederate flag bikinis, Trump2016 rallies, and Paula Deen cooking are fine, but blonde highlights are where Hadassah draws the line!

Devin is up first. He must get “shaved nearly bald,” and he is not happy about it. He must be like Samson, but instead of holding strength, his hair is where all the voices in his head go to sleep. 

Ava is given the “American mullet,” which Tyra swears is high fashion. Ava is only a murkin and beer holy water gut away from looking completely white trash. 

When Hadassah is told the news of her side-shave makeover, she freaks out. It is only after some talking from the judges that she decides to actually go through with the cut.

Ashley is excited about her “ty-ty trim,” but I would be cautious. Is Tyra trying to sabotage Ashley? The intro explicitly states NEVER DUPLICATED but then Ashley gets a Tyra-esque hairdo. Is this all an attempt to steal Mikey for your own? We all know she has a thing for blondes: I’m onto your games, Ms. Banks!

Lacey gets a “fashionable” bowl cut and Bello gets a longer weave. Mikey is also spared the scissors and gets through makeovers with his hair intact. Mamé gets a Diana Ross inspired makeover; with big bold locks. Not surprising that they gave the diplomat’s daughter such a Supreme look.

The stylists surprise Stefano with blonde streaks. He looks like a middle-aged soccer mom, but I suppose that fits with her personality: Stefano’s probably had eight children...for breakfast.

Last but not least there is Courtney. For one, Courtney got her teeth cleaned and fixed a little bit: because god forbid something not be white and straight in this society. But the real makeover comes with the color of her hair. Tyra decides to draw from fashion icon Jackie O and give Courtney a Grey Gardens feeling, minus the alopecia. 

Mary better watch out: Courtney is the Virgin Grandmother!

And with their new looks in tow: the models are faced with the next elimination:

Panel



Tyra likes Ashley’s pose but Kelly thinks she should have connected more with the soldiers. Likewise, Miss Jay believed that Justin could have matched the veteran’s energy. Tyra loves the “story between their legs”. If that were taken out of context, the trans* activists would be all over in 3...2...1…

The judges agree that Courtney has a strong and dynamic pose but Tyra wishes there was more neck. Miss Jay in confused with the mood in Stefano’s picture and Kelly doesn’t have any feelings toward the pose.


Tyra is disappointed in Hadassah's "dead face" but Kelly feels that she is "too much work for not enough reward." Likewise, Dustin has a complete lack of energy in his face and the judges are concerned about the trend.

Mame splits the judges panel. Tyra loves that she was inventive in her posing but Kelly doesn't feel much of a connection between the veterans. Miss Jay calls Lacey's picture "smoking" and Tyra gives her some help photographing with her short legs.



The judges agree that Mikey is strong and has a connection with Alex despite not looking at him. Likewise, Bello is praised for his "dancerly" pose and anchored posing. Unlike Lacey, Tyra loves the fact that Ava can pose like a tall girl despite being only 5'5''.

Devin shows the judges his mastery of the "birds of paradise" pose and quotes the eyebrow as part of his signature look. Kelly feels like Nyle could be sexier and Tyra agrees, noting his movement on set.

Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

AVA (28.5)

MIKEY (28.3)
BELLO (27.6)
DEVIN (26.9)
COURTNEY (26.7)
JUSTIN (26.0)
NYLE (26.0)
LACEY (25.6)
MAME (25.0)
DUSTIN (23.6)
ASHLEY (22.5)

"With a score of 22.4 to 22.3, the model who stays in this competition is..."

HADASSAH

And with that, Stefano is the next one to leave. As much as it hurts to see someone with potential leave, the soccer mom makeover will lead him to a new career path. Besides, we know he'll be getting work very soon: he's got mouths to feed (mostly his own).

Next week, the models will be taking unretouched photos in a sports themed photoshoot. Then, Bello and Mikey will get a fight right off the bat. Until then!

Ciclo 22 Episodio 03

El chico que es enviado para afuera     ||Fecha de Emisión Original || 19 de agosto de 2015 ||

El director de la agencia NEXT management, Alexis Borges. Explica que todos los modelos deberán modelar en una plataforma en altura prendas de Erik Rosete y zapatos de la nueva colección de Miss J Alexander. Al llegar al bode de la pasarela los participantes serán elevados y transportados a otro contenedor, mientas que los concursantes eliminados serán bajados al suelo. Los semifinalistas Bryant, Larissa, Gage, Miguel, Maleesa, India y Dallas son eliminados. Ya con los 14 participantes finales al día siguiente se realiza la primera sesión de fotos. Yu Tsai y fotógrafo Erik Asla explican que en esta primera sesión de serán emparejados y unidos con distintos objetos Alambre de púas : Ashley y Devin. Luces de Navidad : Ava y Stefano . Cadenas : Bello y Lacey . Cabello : Courtney y Mikey. Cuerdas : Delanie y Nyle. Cinturones : Dustin y Hadassah. cables de ordenador: Justin y Mame. En el panel Tyra anuncia que el marcador medios de comunicación social eliminado de este ciclo. además explica que en los casos de empate entre dos o más concursantes, los jueces votarán nuevamente para decidir quien es el participante que se queda en competencia. En contraste con los tres ciclos anteriores, las puntuaciones de los jueces serán revelados a medida que cada concursante sea llamado durante la eliminación. Durante la eliminación, se revela que Devin ha obtenido la mayor puntuación global. Delanie y Stefano son llamados adelante como los dos ultimos. Los resultados finales se revelan, y Delanie es eliminada de la competencia por su falta de intensidad.

Primer Llamado: Devin Clark.

Ultimos Llamados: Delanie Dischert y Stefano Churchill.

Eliminado : Delanie Dischert.

ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 3: "Homeward Bound"

Picking up from the last episode: the models meet Alexis Borges and Miss Jay. He proclaims that they will each walk on a suspended runway and the chosen cast will be moved onto another platform. Those were not chosen will fall. “You’re gonna be dropped,” he exclaims. Just like Verizon phone calls, neglected babies, and most Top Model winners after their yearly contract expires.

I know Top Model can be pretty sadistic, but to literally dangle someone’s dream before their eyes? Good thing they didn’t go with the phrase “watch their hopes go up in flames.”

Oh right.

Well, before they reveal the final cast, the models prepare themselves for the runway. Backstage, Courtney gets a little comfortable with Mikey. While he slobbers over her undressing, she confidently states, “Mikey can be like my friend in this competition.” Considering she grew up in a town where you have a brother/cousin, I guess casting Mikey as a friend/lover isn’t too farfetched. 

Justin and Mamé also decide to flirt. If one of them is going to fall tonight, they decide to make the most of their time together. It’s so romantic, I can almost picture these two lovebirds in a Titanic scene right now. Draw me like one of your French-Scandinavian-European Jewish girls!

Sensing that people are falling head over heels, Miss Jay decides to subtly promote his new footwear line. After watching that first runway, I personally think horseshoes would’ve been a better investment, but still. 

Regardless of what kinds of accessories he’s wearing, Dustin’s walk is stable enough to earn him the first spot in the cast.

This goes on and on as people either go to the finals or get dropped. As I watched each losing model get dumped: I realized how similar this whole process is to breaking up: 

• You make sure to let them down easy or else they’ll get hurt.
• There are other fish in the sea. 53 fish, to be precise.
• “It’s not you, it’s me,” is still a bold-faced lie.
• In ten years, you’d have moved on but they’ll still be exploiting young girls.

Eventually, the numbers get whittled down until only Devin and Dallas are left undetermined. Seeing as there were thirteen models chosen, the two guys believe there’s still a spot left. 

Dallas falls to his demise and Devin thinks he’s in the clear. That is, of course, until Miss Jay says that his spot is not secure. Devin has to prove himself to Miss Jay in order to make it into the House. So what does he do? Remind Miss Jay of the good times, of course:

And with a crudely Photoshopped picture, Devin’s guaranteed a spot in the finale! When the fourteen contestant descends back to ground level, Tyra comes out to harvest the models who fell congratulate the cast.

“You’re so brave for doing this runway,” she gushes. Considering they were forced to either do it or get eliminated, it’s about as brave as obeying your parents or jumping out of a burning building. 

Still, to make it seem like they actually had options; Tyra surprises them with the fact that this was a challenge. I’m not exactly sure how they properly judged flailing limbs, but Mamé somehow beat out Nyle signing “help me” in midair and gained access to the Tyra Suite.

But before she gets the chance to celebrate, the models are all whisked away to their next photoshoot. Yu Tsai and Erik Asla pair them up and explain that they’ll be bound together for a beauty shoot. FINALLY. I’ve waited twenty-two cycles for the moment when Tyra’s brain gets too full of made-up words and she’s forced to re-use a concept:

At least it’s not Rob Evans.

But back to this photoshoot. Lacey & Bello are assigned chains. Here I was feeling bad for Mamé’s riches-to-rags story, when Bello has literally went from king to prisoner in the span of three episodes! 

Speaking of, Mamé is bound to Justin. In an attempt to emulate her past life as a rich diplomat's daughter, they give the pair computer cords. Mamé instinctively puts it around Justin’s neck and asks for his wallet before the photographer can calm her down. 

While Yu Tsai continues down the line, he is interrupted by Tyra Banks who drops in for a special posing lesson.

-IF YOU ARE STILL PARTICIPATING IN THE ‘NYLE’S POOR TRANSLATOR’ DRINKING GAME, GO ROB YOUR LOCAL BREWERY. YOU’RE GONNA NEED IT.-

After publicly declaring her love for the manaconda, Tyra is back to share equal appreciation for all animals.

“All over Instagram, all over Twitter, I’m sick of people calling people no-neck monsters.” she sobs. “Calling supermodels no-neck monsters, calling me a no-neck monster. Well I have one thing to say to you: kiss my fat ass there’s a difference between a good no-neck and a bad no-neck.”

Courtney, a red-neck, listens intently.

“This neck teach comes from the Animal Kingdom. You’re going to learn how to pose using these creatures.” 

Somewhere in Alaska using burnt cycle 11 posters to tend a fire, Hannah is preparing to fiercely run away from the no-neck monsters.

“There are some animals who are bad no-necks.”



“And there are some who are good no-necks.”

The part of this lesson that I’m concerned about is the time it must have taken Tyra to compile this information. I don’t know what I find more frightening: A) Tyra conferring with scientists and running experiments to measure exact neck lengths, or B) Tyra snapping photos and screaming “find your light!” out of a safari minivan. 

Either way, the amount of effort she takes to appease Dustin is astounding. If only he had insecurities about the girth of his chin instead; we could’ve had Jay Leno as a guest speaker…

Nevertheless, the models are impressed and vow to use these skills in their shoot. And to think this teach started because Tyra wanted to justify the small amount of likes on her Instagram pictures…

With that taken care off, the pairs begin their photoshoot. Mamé is the computer and Justin has the cord. “You are the computer and he is sticking his cord into you.”Erik Asla explains. While I’m sure I can think of at least ten more innuendos, the subtlety will be wasted on Justin & Mamé. Their chemistry is overt and makes for a captivating photograph. Oh you two, get a (chat) room!

When Delanie & Nyle get behind the camera, they get caught up in the confusion. Nyle tries to show her the ropes, but Delanie struggles to model H2T (that was specifically written so Tyra doesn’t sue me for earlier slander. )

Bello & Lacey prepare their chains when Devin decides to watch from the sidelines. Despite their strong performance, Bello did get off to a slow start. That’s enough for Devin to latch onto as he triumphantly states, “I laugh at my enemies.” He cackles at Bello. He snickers at his empty Elite Model Management portfolio. He giggles at his psychiatrist. He guffaws at the pads on the wall.

In fact, the only one who’s not in on the joke is Ashley. When she assembles the barbed wire for her shoot with Devin, he has completely transformed from the goof backstage into a model. Another surprise is Courtney. Before her ‘bound by hair’ shoot with Mikey, she takes a minute to collect herself. Mikey sees it as a distraction to the shoot and calms her enough for the photo. Good thing he got there in time: looked like she was gonna off herself by practicing her neck poses.

Dustin & Hadassah were pretty flat on set. Despite numerous attempts to help, Hadassah wasn’t listening to Tyra’s advice. Because of that, Dustin couldn’t perform to his strengths and was brought down by the anchor. 

In an attempt to burn his skin, Yu Tsai decides to wrap atheist Stefano in Christmas lights and tether him to Ava. It’s a (new) testament to Ava’s modelling skills that she can have synergy with a man without resorting to skeezy poses.

After the shoot, the models retire to the Top Model house. Mikey decides to showboat and declares that he’s “done with weak people”. Courtney, feeling betrayed, justifiably sulks in the other room. He tries to act supportive to no avail.

“The other night,” Mikey guilt trips, “who offered his bed to you (and Mamé and Alexa and Lacey and Maleesa...)?” Courtney doesn’t take the bait and tells Mikey to leave. You would think the “first guy in his family to not be arrested” wouldn’t be so aggressive, but alas.

Panel


Both models have a "strong" look. Tyra loves the crack of Lacey's chin for some reason and Kelly feels the passion from Bello's eyes. I know Tyra got rid of the height requirement and people can proudly state, "I'M FIVE FEET SIX AND ONE TENTH INCHES", but that didn't have to translate into your scoring. Nevertheless, Bello receives a 7.9, 8.9, and 8.5. Lacey is given an 8, 8.7, and a 9.



Kelly is disappointed in both Dustin and Hadassah's vacant expressions. Tyra says that Hadassah's biggest asset in this photo is her "beautiful chocolate skin." Isn't that what ignorant white people say? Well, at least she didn't change Hadassah's name to Brown, so I suppose that's a step-up. Anyway, Hadassah receives a 6.8, 8, and 7.3 while Dustin gets away with a 6.8, 7.3, and 6.4.



Miss Jay calls Devin radiant, and Tyra believes that Ashley is a cross between a giraffe and an owl. Whether or not that's a compliment in her world is another question. Devin gets a score of a 9, 10, and 10 while Ashley comes out with a 7, 8, and 8.2.



Tyra wants Nyle to be more sexy. Kelly asserts that Delanie hasn't gotten to understand her body yet. Tyra insists that she learn to be a "gangsta," because putting a's at the end of words makes them more relatable to whites. Nyle gets a 7, 8, and 7 while Delanie receives a 6, 7, and 5.



Miss Jay thinks that Mikey is "smuggy" looking and Kelly agrees. Tyra insists that Courtney doesn't listen on set and she brought Mikey down in this photoshoot. He has an 8, 8.7, and 9 while she gets an 8, 7.9, and 7.8



While Ava has a power as the "star" of this picture, Stefano is lost. Tyra fears that he is her "accessory" in this picture. Ava is gifted with an 8, 8.3, and 9 while Stefano gets a 6, 7.1, and 5.2.



Even though Mamé has a great look, she wasn't connecting with Justin. Tyra comments that he is "stealing" the spotlight while still being entangled with her. He gets an 8.5, 9, and 9 while Mamé has an 8, 8, and 7.

Now that the judges have seen all of their photos, the call-out begins:

DEVIN (36.0)

JUSTIN (35.5)
LACEY (34.7)
MIKEY (34.5)
AVA (33.3)
MAME (33.0)
BELLO (32.3)
ASHLEY (32.2)
COURTNEY (30.7)
HADASSAH (30.1)
NYLE (30.0)
DUSTIN (29.5)

"With a score of 26.3 to 26.0, the model who stays in this competition is..."

STEFANO

And with that, Delanie is the first casualty of cycle 22. She also gets to avoid the drama of makeover week, if that's any consolation. Until next week where there's a threesome, a dirty hot tub, and loads of soccer mom haircuts!