ANTM c19 episode 7: Down & Thirty

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the girls were challenged to bring a video game to life. Despite several pleas to join Kingdom Hearts 3D, Laura decided to donate her Double D’s to the game Uncharted instead. At a steampunk photo shoot, Laura and Brittany rose to new heights with their owl co-star. And even though Victoria’s hooters failed to impress, it was Yvonne whose Victorious Age was cut short. Now, only 8 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Back in the house, Laura is ecstatic about her “perfect week”. She wanted to prove that she “deserves it” and so, decides to sleep alone in the Tyra Suite.

Allyssa wants to “earn her stay” at the Tyra Suite and is determined to receive best picture this week. She “has heart” and once she “finds her potential”, wants to be an example. She wants to be the first curvy woman to win Top Model. The first Brazilian to win Top Model.

The first lesbian to win Top Model. And with the help of her fans, maybe she can continue that dream.

Victoria, on the other hand, is just happy to still be here. After her “desperate” bottom two appearance, she is focused and ready to propel farther into the competition.

Kiara cooks a meal for the other girls in an attempt to show her “tough love parent” personality. Allyssa and her MILF quickly run down to indulge in chili but Victoria is too busy exercising.

The other girls start to worry about her “mental health” and Kristin fears that she’s “not stable enough” for this competition. But I’m pretty sure they’re just jealous of her toned chess. Seriously, with the vigorous way she works out, all of her excess fat is just…

Pawn with the Wind

But Victoria assures them that she’s ok.

The next day, Bryan(Pre-Pubescent)Boy greets the girls and introduces them to Marissa Montgomery, who is a correspondent for NylonTV. He announces that they will take a “road trip” to Palm Springs.

To further enhance the college experience, they will be shooting Random Acts of Modeling; which means fiercely hitchhiking and sexily smizing with men in exchange for gas money.

Marissa explains that there will be two teams, but only one girl will get to appear on NylonTV. Team 1 consists of Laura, Allyssa, Brittany, and Kristin; whereas Team 2 has Victoria, Kiara, and Nastasia.

Road Gyp

Team 2 starts off strong, getting to the first pit stop before the others. Kiara thinks that Victoria is like “a lost child” and feels the need to protect her during the challenge.

Back on the other team, Allyssa is “having fun” with the shoots. She’s excited to show off her curves and lets loose at the second pit stop.

Team 2, on the other hand, is too “overdressed” for this challenge. They stick out at the grungy restaurant and aren’t as effortless as the other girls. At the sight of chicken wings, Kiara got a little too excited; making it look like the candids of an overweight teen.

Insta(kilo)gram

After taking some more pictures that are sure to resurface on the blog of a food fetishist, Team 2 returns to the road. Meanwhile, Team 1 has the thought to stop at a windmill farm and take pictures. Good idea girls; because everyone looks fierce during a hurricane!

Allyssa is particularly scared because she doesn’t understand how she can commit random acts of modeling while “getting blown”. Honey, if Rob can do it, if Ken Mok can do it, then YOU can do it!

Laura, on the other hand, is doing a great job in the wind. She looks a little like Dorothy, if Dorothy decided to flash all of Kansas…

Wizard of Drawls

Butt despite the setbacks, Team 1 was able to get some good shots. After wrapping up at their final pit stop, Kiara realized that she was missing a video and decided to re-shoot.

After they arrived in Palm Springs, the girls are critiqued by Melissa. She was impressed by Nastasia and Kristin’s “Nylon looks” and appreciated Allyssa’s “energy”.

Despite Kiara having the “right mood”, Melissa announces that the winner is…

LAURA! Kiara is a little upset and has a “bitter taste in her mouth”. THIS IS WHY BLACK WOMEN DON’T EAT FRIED CHICKEN ON TELEVISION!!!

After the long day, Allyssa is discouraged but “won’t give up”. Jason Mraz loves the feisty ones.

The Hang-under

But there is no rest for the weary. Johnny Wujek interrupts the girls before they can shower because the shoot calls for a “grungy” look.

He describes that they will be placed in “uncomfortable situations” and need to seem “caught off guard”.

Brittany was able to take “direction well” and made interesting shapes. During her shoot, Victoria made an interesting backstory, but failed to penetrate it into her photos.

Kristin did well despite choking on copious amounts of white fluid. Seriously, the gallons of milk this girl was forced to swallow were ridiculous. Just imagining all of the cows the ANTM producers had to milk is...

Utter Madness

Kiara was worried about being in a dumpster, seeing as she used to find clothes in them. But seeing this situational juxtaposition made her confident and got her some great shots.

Nastasia was worried about “looking short” during the shot but let her inhibitions go, resulting in good shots. Laura, on the other hand, had some “bad fish”. But enough about her face. She struggled with getting good body positions and didn’t understand the concept.

Allyssa was “desperate” to get a good shot. She enthusiastically licked the floor, impressing both Johnny and the photographer. She continued to get “great shots” until a cockroach appeared. And so, being neither a fan of cocks or roaches, Allyssa decided to wrap up the shoot.

Once they return to their hotel, the girls receive a…

SKULL MAIL. “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 6 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”

Victoria decides to phone home again, missing her mother even more. The other girls take it upon themselves to confront her on her erratic behavior.

Nastasia and Kiara question her eating habits and are genuinely worried for her health. Victoria assures them that she does not have an eating disorder and quenches their concerns. Really, the only sickness Victoria is suffering from is being stuck in a house full of women…

Manorexia

Someone send her some testosterone rations STAT! Stay strong Victoria!

PANEL

"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."

"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”



Brittany: Tyra loves the “purity” and the fans agree, calling it “high fashion”. She receives an 8 from Kelly, a 9 from Rob, and a 10 from Tyra.



Kiara: Kelly and Rob fall into her “vortex” and award her an 8/9. Tyra likes the elongation but wants more, so she settles on a 7. The fans are less impressed, deeming her “trashy”.



Laura: She has “no excuse” for having a lackluster picture, so Tyra gives her a 7. Rob and Kelly find it “weak” and give her 6’s.



Kristin: Kelly loves it and Rob finds it “edgy and versatile”. The trio gives her 8’s.



Nastasia: Kelly thinks that it’s “natural” and gives her a 9. Tyra and Rob love the “length” and give it banging 10’s.



Allyssa: Tyra loves the “commitment” and gifts her an 8. Kelly and Rob aren’t as happy, giving her a 4 and 5.



Victoria: Kelly loves the “out of it” mood and with Tyra, gives her an 8. Rob is impressed by the “grossness” and awards a stellar 9. After some goading by Bryanboy, Victoria’s housemates tell Tyra about their health concerns. Tyra announces that she wants women to be healthy and is determined to “keep an eye” on Victoria.

“Now the judges and I will add up your scores and when you return, I will announce who will be eliminated.”

“Eight beautiful ladies stand before me. But I only have seven photos in my hands. And these seven photos represent the eight girls that are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score, and best picture, is…”

NASTASIA (42.2)

BRITTANY (39.2)
KRISTIN (38.1)
VICTORIA (36.7)
KIARA (35.9)

“Will Laura and Allyssa please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 32.9 to 29.0, that girl is…”

LAURA

Seeing that the girl with the best ass is gone, Tyra starts to cry over all of the wasted tooching potential. Allyssa is still very confident going into the Comeback because she wants to represent all of the Brazilian and girls with curves. 

Next week, the girls will take part in go-sees. Afterwards, Kristin and Victoria apparently get heated after an argument about Victoria’s habits (No one gets between me and my mom!). You don’t wanna miss it! 

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and until next week...

ANTM c19 episode 6: Model Kombat: Charmaggeddon

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the girls took part in a fashion show for a noble charity. After raising the most money for Alicia Keys’ weave tracks, Kiara was deemed the winner. During a cheerleaders photo shoot, Nastasia and Laura rose to new heights. And even though Brittany failed to bring it on, it was Leila who was forced to retire her pom-poms. Now, only eight girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Back at the house, Nastasia is ecstatic about the Suite and invites Kiara to join her. Laura believes that Leila’s elimination is a “wake up call” and she’s determined to stay focused.

Yvonne, on the other hand, complains about the model life to her boyfriend Brandon. The hours are ‘long” and leaves her “super tired”, says the koala.

Womb Raider

The next day, the girls are met by Rob Evans and Chrissy Tegen. The duo greets them via a game screen and tells the girls that they will be creating a motion picture for the game Uncharted 3.

Based on her intense hamstring exercises, I’m fairly confident that Victoria can fully embody any game heroine.

Tron: Leg-acy

But it seems like she has competition. During the challenge, Kristin had an “infectious” energy, and the client loved her white-girl-dance taunt.

Brittany was also really skilled at “embodying the character”. Rob was unimpressed by Yvonne, who he thought was “flat” during the challenge. In fact, the only time she had an ounce of vigor was when she was running toward the ̶c̶a̶k̶e̶ camera.

Victoria was the “best actress” but had trouble with the physicality. Laura, on the other hand, had trouble just remembering the video game. Seriously, her performance was much better suited for…

Call of Booty

But the client still loved it. Thanks to her enthusiasm (and countless bribes from horny 14-year-old boys)the winner is…

LAURA! In addition to the $10,000 scholarship fund, she will also be featured on Uncharted 3 (as ‘Unnamed Pedestrian #3’).

After the challenge, Chrissy gives the girls a talk about social media. Her script includes such tidbits as “it’s important” and “people in the industry care about social input.” As she wraps up her lecture, she finally gives them real advice to use in their outside careers: “let them reach in and feel it.”#wordstoliveby

When they return to the house, Nastasia and Victoria are devastated to see their low challenge scores. To only further harass these girls, P’Trique rolls in and relays a Tyra Mail to these terrified women.

“The clock is ticking. Get your booties in gear. It may not be the end of the world, but it’s the wild, wild, west out there. Luv, Tyra.”

Afterwards, Victoria runs to the phone to report this assault on her visual senses. She confides in her mom that she can’t even “taste food without her there”. The poor xylocarp doesn't have her momma bird to regurgitate for her! THE HORROR!

Steam Punk’d

The next day, the girls meet Johnny near a train cemetery. He is accompanied by Mike Ruiz, who is just the finest photographer we’ve had yet. They tell the girls that the theme for this shoot is ‘steampunk’.Wait, are you telling me that Johnny Wujek and Mike Ruiz are cute and know what steampunk is? Forget this shoot, I’ve already found a perfect photo of my ideal husbands.

Dream Junk

The future Mr. and Mr. Smith then tell the girls that they will be working with a “temperamental” co-star. Is it a tiger? A snake? Cher?

In hair and makeup, Yvonne is annoying the other girls. Kiara is sick of her “constant complaining” and Victoria ponders Yvonne’s commitment to the competition.

Laura made “good graphic shapes” and got “a ton” of good shots. Kiara also brought a lot of intensity to the shoot but failed to provide the “right vibe”.

Initially, Brittany was really upset with Bryanboy for being unpleased with Leila’s elimination. After a brief discussion with him, she was determined to bring “variety” and “fierceness” into her shoot to avoid another bottom two appearance.

Nastasia was phenomenal and even though the outfit is doing her no favors, she looked like a character straight out of Norse mythology.

Thor: God of Thunder-thighs

Kristin, who apparently has a monkey-phobia, had trouble connecting with Groovy, the owl. Allyssa, on the other hand, did nice.

Victoria decided to create an intricate character for her shoot, which included a traveling animal circus, a boyfriend, murder, and running away with your lover/owl. Sounds like a Zoolander sex dream. Anyway, Johnny thinks that she focused too much on the backstory and wasn’t strong enough in the actual pictures.

After about 5 hours of waiting, Yvonne started her shoot. Within the first few frames, they decided to change her dress, which led to her sighing loudly. Bryanboy, who apparently thought Yvonne cares enough to insult him, gets angry and verbally assaults her.

She rolls her eyes at the screaming midget and continues her shoot. Unfortunately, she was unable to let go of the anger in her face. For the rest of the shoot, she ended up looking like an angry Hogwarts reject.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Ire

After she was done, Yvonne decided to apologize to Bryanboy. She looked the three-foot mongrel in the eye (a difficult task) and told it that she regretted her attitude on set.

Back in the house, all of the girls are nervous about the impending elimination. After Leila’s assassination, they realize that nobody is safe.

PANEL

"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."

"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”



Kiara: Kelly describes her as a “thirty-two year-old woman” and gives her a 6. Tyra and Rob disagree, focusing on her “great legs and energy”. They award her a 7 and 8.



Victoria: Tyra and Kelly appreciate the “versatility” but feel that it’s “too safe”. Rob gives her a 6 and Tyra a 7. Since she can “take criticism well”, Kelly gifts her an 8.



Kristin: The judges admire the strong face but Kelly calls her a “waitress from Oktoberfest” from the waist down. Kristin receives an 8, 7, and 6.



Nastasia: Rob is unimpressed by her terrible proportions and deems it a 5. Kelly gives it a 7 and Tyra calls it a “short but beautiful” 9.



Yvonne: Kelly thinks it’s “not too strong” and gives her a 5. After she gives her a speech on professionalism, Tyra grants her a 7 while Rob goes with an 8.



Allyssa: Rob doesn’t like the “awkwardness” and gives her a 7. Kelly and Tyra disagree, handing her 8’s for her “beautiful silhouette”.



Brittany: Kelly is unappeased with her “ghostly” look and grants her a terrifying 6. Tyra and Rob, on the other hand, love the “mesmerizing” glare, and give an entranced 10 & 9.



Laura: The fans and judges both agree, she is “crazy good”. She receives 10s from all.

“Now the judges and I will calculate your scores and when you return, I will announce who will be eliminated.”

“Nine beautiful ladies stand before me. But I only have eight photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight girls that are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score, and best picture, is…”

LAURA (46.2)

BRITTANY (39.1)
ALLYSSA (35.7)
KRISTIN (33.9)
KIARA (32.8)
NASTASIA (31.8)

“Will Victoria and Yvonne please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 31.7 to 30.5, that girl is…”

VICTORIA

Yvonne is pleased about leaving and satisfied with not trying during the Comeback.

Next week, the girls will be taking a road trip and “getting blown”. Sounds hot. Apparently, one of Victoria’s phone calls make her “not healthy”, says Allyssa’s tan.

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and until next week...

BINTM c8 episode 10: Daddy Longerlegs

Previously on Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model, the girls were challenged to create a newsworthy broadcast. Basically, in a contest of who could make Letitia cry the most, Risikat won the teary crown. Afterwards, the women were decked out in hideously plaid outfits; posing as broken dolls for the Amish. While Risikat led the Brat Pak, Roxanne was more of a ‘dummy’ than a ‘ventriloquist’. But sadly, it was Madeleine’s marionette whose show was cut short. Now, only six girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

As the girls get closer to the final, they are going to “put more and more” into the competition. Anita is “tired” of keeping her guard up and suspects a challenge to see how “far” they can be pushed. During their silent contemplations, the girls receive an Elle Mail urging them to meet Elle.

The Ladies Who Hunch

The next day, the girls meet Elle at a picnic in the middle of Hyde Park. In an attempt to convince the British public that she eats, Elle grazes a piece of cake before addressing the girls. Before upchucking the sugary bile, Elle raises the stakes of this week by giving the girls two photoshoots. To prepare them for the shoots, Elle gives them a clue. Is it a horse and boogey? A hot cowboy?

Sarah Jessica Parker?

After a couple of minutes where none of the girls understand her failed attempt at culture, Elle announces that they’ll be traveling to CANADA! Following the orders of their contacts, the girls begin to celebrate. But with the news that only 5 of them will travel, the girls make the sobering realization that this week is important.

Before the first photo shoot, three of girls are whisked away to the hairdressers. Lisa is given even shorter hair, Letitia is reverted back to brown, and Roxanne’s ginger is changed to black. She’s displeased with the new color because she won’t “stand out” as much as she did with that horrific plague of orange. We all know what they say: once you go whack…

Spider Man & Mary Plain

The girls met Tyson, who introduces the first shoot. In addition to posing on the floor, the girls will be paired with three spiders. Immediately, Anita’s hairy leg-phobia kicks in and she freaks out about the thought of unshaven gams.

Even though she tried to be stoic, Lisa found it really uncomfortable when a spider got to third base with her.

Harlotte’s Web

Still, she was able to relax and ease into the shoot. Even though Emma initially found it terrifying, by the end of the shoot, she was able to create dynamic shapes.

After a moment of panic, Anita realizes that she has to suck it up and do the shoot. She uses her fear to propel herself forward and becomes the “best of the day”. Letitia also rises to the occasion, producing stellar poses.

With Risikat’s moans of pleasure within earshot, Roxanne starts to freak out (one spider impregnation was enough!) When Roxy comes to set nervous, Tyson promises that he’ll do “anything to make her comfortable”. Despite Tyson’s offer to replace the spiders sitting on her face, Roxanne is still terrified of the shoot. Even with the coaxing of Tyson and the photographer, the itsy bitsy spiders proved too much for tearful Roxanne.

Climbed Up the Water Pout

After she calms down, Tyson guilds her into returning to the shoot. The other girls enviously look on as she comprises with beauty shots and one spider. At the end of the shoots, the girls discuss Roxanne’s freakouts and call out her weaknesses.

Revved Up

The next day, the girls arrive at a manor where they are greeted by Carly O’Connor, the marketing manager of Revlon. She introduces them to the shoot, which is a modern interpretation of Marie Antoinette’s “let them eat cake”.

Risikat gave a varying amount of expressions and withheld the “glamorous” brief easily. Despite having trouble in the beginning, Emma was able to get some good shots by the end.

Anita had difficulties with the playfulness of the shoot but by the end, got some beautiful photos. The client was unimpressed by Roxanne’s lack of variety in her face. Even when they told her to lighten up, she found it hard to harbor the false emotion the client was looking for.

Let Them Eat Fake

By the end, the photographer only had a few shoots to choose from. Letitia was able to get “stunning photos” throughout the shoot. Lisa was also able to create a variety of “beautiful” expressions that the client loved.

After the photoshoot, the girls are anxious about the impending elimination. Roxanne is ready to go back home and be with her daughter. The others however, are more invested in the competition; mentally preparing themselves for Canada.

PANEL

Joining the judges this week is model and style icon, Poppy Deville.

   

Letitia: The judges aren’t impressed by either of her shots. Whitney calls her spider shoot “lazy” and Julian compares her beauty shot to a “dull star”.

   

Roxanne: Despite her fear during the shoot, Poppy doesn’t see any trace of it in the spider shoot. Elle, however, is not as impressed with her Revlon shoot.

   

Risikat: Whitney likes the “intensity” of the spider shot. Elle notes the “spark” in her Revlon photo.

   

Anita: Her spider shot “rocks” Julian’s boat and Elle is revved up by her Revlon photo.

  

Lisa: Julian thinks that she looks “petrified” and frozen in her spider shot. Elle is much more impressed with her Revlon image.

  

Emma: Whitney and Tyson love the range of her spider photo and Poppy calls her Revlon shoot “ethereal”.

“Now the judges and I will deliberate and when you return, I will announce which five of you will be traveling with us to Canada.”

Poppy doesn’t think that Letitia is the worst and Whitney agrees; feeling let down. Elle thinks that Roxanne “feels defeated” and Tyson thinks that she’s not Canadian material. Elle believes that Risikat is a model with “variety”.

Julian loves Anita’s transformation from “dark horse” to a competitor. While they chastise her spider shot, the judges love her “natural beauty” in the Revlon shoot. Elle and Poppy are nervous about Letitia not “standing out” from the rest of the pack.

“Six beautiful models stand before me. But I only have five sets of photos in my hands. And these five sets represent the five girls who are still in the running toward becoming Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. The girl with picture of the week is…”

LISA

ANITA
RISIKAT
EMMA

“Will Roxanne and Letitia please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who we feel still has the potential to become Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. And that girl is…”

LETITIA

Even though she was gutted about not going to Canada, she is happy to return to her daughter. She is thankful for the experience and is proud of her journey.

Next week, the girls travel first class to Canada (that’s the head of the raft!) and Anita faces her fears during a shoot at a…waterfall? Is she scared of running water? *insert menstruation joke here* Later, tensions rise as the competition is dwindled down to four. So until then…

That Time of the Month

ANTM c19 episode 5: School Spirited Away

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the girls were challenged to stand in the streets of Hollywood and pass out their chicken to random passerby (Tyler Perry’s night job). Kiara did the best in the acting challenge and won a walk-on role in one of Tyler’s films (where ‘walk in’ means ‘into his bedroom’ and ‘film’ mean ‘amateur pornography’). During a hungry zombie photoshoot, Laura and Leila put the ‘lez’ back in ‘flesh’. Even though Yvonne proved too well-fed to be convincingly dead, it was Destiny whose afterlife was cut short. Now, only 9 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

The girls arrive at the house where they are welcomed by Laura’s digital image. Laura is proud that she’s “doing so well”. Leila, however, is “jealous” of Laura’s success, envious of how effortless it seems.

In the Tyra Suite, Laura and Kristin talk about Leila’s “obsession”. Apparently, ̶R̶e̶g̶i̶n̶a̶ ̶G̶e̶o̶r̶g̶e̶ Laura couldn’t invite a lesbian to her party because Kristin is now living in the Suite. I guess with all the constant belching, Laura confused Kristin with a 40-year-old trucker. Hot.

The Secret Life of Keys

In the wee hours of the morning, Tyra shimmies her way into the house with Alicia Keys…After all the initial ‘huhs’ and sighs of confusion, Tyra tells us that she’s a R&B singer who hasn’t had a hit song since 2003.

Seriously, even the pile of trash germinating in her weave has more of a ‘career’ than her.

Alicia Fleas

Anyway, she is here to announce a charity fashion show that will benefit her Keep A Child Alive Foundation. Forget the fact that her supple breasts can stuff babies for months, Alicia needs the cash!

So, one-by-one, the girls show off their walks and get feedback from Tyra. Afterwards, Alicia announces that the girl who gets the highest bid on her dress will receive two tickets to see her live in concert(even the starving kids rejected those).

Because she got best picture last week, Laura is made the HBIC. She is given the “girl on fire” theme and only a day to organize the show.

The next day, Laura is a damp mess. Kelly Cutrone calls out her weak leadership and I have to agree. Without Johnny’s guidance on this ‘girl on fire’ theme, these girls look like a cross between Hunger Games rejects and Charlie’s skanks from Two And A Half Men.

Katniss Eversheen

After some consolation with Kelly, Laura proactively took on the Cinna role. Minutes before the show, everyone is feeling jittery about their first runway.

Most girls, like Kristin and Brittany, did really well on the catwalk. The only girl with a truly bad strut was Leila. Still, the best girls were Victoria, Laura, and Kiara. The girl who won this challenge is…

KIARA! She chooses Nastasia to share her concert tickets with (what a cruel and unjust punishment!)Nevertheless, Nastasia is happy to share in this experience.

Back at the house, Leila and Allyssa are terrified to notice that they have the worst challenge scores. While Leila is downstairs crying in the kitchen, Laura reiterates that she is “not here to make friends”.

When confronted about her love for Laura, Leila comments that she’s “obsessed with herself”. Laura disagrees, looking into the mirror as she does so. She starts crying because that’s what “people used to say” to her. Luckily, Leila is unscathed by these tears; certain that Laura is just being fake.

Cheerfollowers

The next day, the girls arrive at the West L.A. College, where they met by Johnny Wujek and Jonte, who is dressed deliciously terrifying. It’s like he, his smiley shirt, and those incredibly smooth legs are using reverse psychology to emotionally scar me.

Grin and Nair It

But luckily, the man has dual roles in this shoot. He will be assisting the girls during their cheerleader shoot. One by one, the girls will be hoisted up on three male cheerleaders’ shoulders and flung into the air; much like the high school wedgies we’ll all too familiar with…

Kiara did well in the shoot but Victoria feels that she isn’t a “diverse model”. She on the other hand, did a “fantastic job” and produced great photographs. During her shoot, Allyssa hit sexy poses but accidentally hurt one of the cheerleaders, leading him to gush out blood (not exactly the bodily liquid she was hoping for). 

Laura was scared of “getting high” (an issue most high schoolers do not face) but in the end, still managed to create dynamic shapes. Kristin, however, did “really well” throughout the shoot because she cheered for six years prior.

Victoria and Nastasia were both fluid and hit “strong poses” during the shoot. Brittany had trouble loosening up and despite having a “good body”, failed to let her face relax. Yvonne did phenomenally in the air but I feel a little bad for her co-stars. Much to their girlfriends’ discontent, I think that having Yvonne slam against their public areas has made these male cheerleaders permanently flaccid.

Jock Block

Now that they’re received the ultimate form of contraception, the cheerleaders are finished for the day.

SKULL MAIL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 8 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”

PANEL

"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."

"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”



Victoria: Kelly didn’t like her “body posture” and gave her a 6. Tyra likes the unusualness and Rob thinks she’s “versitle”, giving her two 6’s.



Leila: Tyra likes the “neck tooch” and Rob enjoys the shape, giving her a 6 and 7. Kelly however, believes that she’s “one dimensional” and deems it a 4.



Kiara: Rob thinks that she’s a “bird that can’t fly” and Tyra fawns over the boy position. She receives two 8’s and a 7.



Kristin: The fans think she’s “fierce H2T.” Kelly and Rob agree, calling it “high fashion”, earning Kristin a 9 and 10. Tyra on the other hand, thinks that she’s “stiff” and calls it a 6.



Brittany: Kelly doesn’t think that she’s an “edgy model”. Tyra wants her to be “fierce Disney” and Rob agrees. The demonic triad gives her 6/6/6.



Nastasia: Rob loves the “unique look” and Kelly loves the “power in her face”. Getting an 8, 9, and 10, Nastasia’s only critique was “losing her neck”.



Yvonne: Tyra believes that she has it. Kelly likes the “control” and she is awarded with a 6 and two 9’s.



Allyssa: Tyra likes the “relaxation” in the face and gives her an 8. The other two are not as impressed. Rob feels that she’s “uncomfortable” and Kelly is not impressed by her sexiness; both giving her less-than-flirtatious 6’s.



Laura: Rob finds it “disturbing” and gives her a 6. After breaking down about her apparent wind phobia, the two ladies are sympathetic, granting her two 9’s.

“Now the judges and I will calculate your scores and when you return, I will announce who will be eliminated.”

“Nine beautiful ladies stand before me. But I only have eight photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight girls that are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score, and best picture, is…”

NASTASIA (40.9)

LAURA (38.7)
KRISTIN (38.1)
KIARA (37.3)
VICTORIA (36.5)
YVONNE (36.4)
ALLYSSA (30.8)

“Will Brittany and Leila please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 29.5 to 29, that girl is…”

BRITTANY

DON’T TIGHTEN THOSE NOOSES, GUYS! Even though Leila has been eliminated, she will still have the opportunity to return with the Comeback Series. Even Tyra and the judges are shell-shocked, totally taken aback by Leila’s departure. Apparently, Tyra feels so guilty that she can only utter some ‘words of encouragement’ for Leila’s broken soul.

But Leila is still crushed. Still, she hopes that her fans are “still strong” and can help her return with a vengeance.

Next week, the girls will be bringing a game to life during a visual graphics challenge. Then, they will participate in a steampunk photoshoot which, based on context clues, means dressing as former Goths who suddenly discovered the color brown. 

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and until next week…