The girls arrive at the house where they are welcomed by Laura’s digital image. Laura is proud that she’s “doing so well”. Leila, however, is “jealous” of Laura’s success, envious of how effortless it seems.
In the Tyra Suite, Laura and Kristin talk about Leila’s “obsession”. Apparently, ̶R̶e̶g̶i̶n̶a̶ ̶G̶e̶o̶r̶g̶e̶ Laura couldn’t invite a lesbian to her party because Kristin is now living in the Suite. I guess with all the constant belching, Laura confused Kristin with a 40-year-old trucker. Hot.
The Secret Life of Keys
In the wee hours of the morning, Tyra shimmies her way into the house with Alicia Keys…After all the initial ‘huhs’ and sighs of confusion, Tyra tells us that she’s a R&B singer who hasn’t had a hit song since 2003.
Seriously, even the pile of trash germinating in her weave has more of a ‘career’ than her.
Alicia Fleas
Anyway, she is here to announce a charity fashion show that will benefit her Keep A Child Alive Foundation. Forget the fact that her supple breasts can stuff babies for months, Alicia needs the cash!
So, one-by-one, the girls show off their walks and get feedback from Tyra. Afterwards, Alicia announces that the girl who gets the highest bid on her dress will receive two tickets to see her live in concert(even the starving kids rejected those).
Because she got best picture last week, Laura is made the HBIC. She is given the “girl on fire” theme and only a day to organize the show.
The next day, Laura is a damp mess. Kelly Cutrone calls out her weak leadership and I have to agree. Without Johnny’s guidance on this ‘girl on fire’ theme, these girls look like a cross between Hunger Games rejects and Charlie’s skanks from Two And A Half Men.
Katniss Eversheen
After some consolation with Kelly, Laura proactively took on the Cinna role. Minutes before the show, everyone is feeling jittery about their first runway.
Most girls, like Kristin and Brittany, did really well on the catwalk. The only girl with a truly bad strut was Leila. Still, the best girls were Victoria, Laura, and Kiara. The girl who won this challenge is…
KIARA! She chooses Nastasia to share her concert tickets with (what a cruel and unjust punishment!)Nevertheless, Nastasia is happy to share in this experience.
Back at the house, Leila and Allyssa are terrified to notice that they have the worst challenge scores. While Leila is downstairs crying in the kitchen, Laura reiterates that she is “not here to make friends”.
When confronted about her love for Laura, Leila comments that she’s “obsessed with herself”. Laura disagrees, looking into the mirror as she does so. She starts crying because that’s what “people used to say” to her. Luckily, Leila is unscathed by these tears; certain that Laura is just being fake.
Cheerfollowers
The next day, the girls arrive at the West L.A. College, where they met by Johnny Wujek and Jonte, who is dressed deliciously terrifying. It’s like he, his smiley shirt, and those incredibly smooth legs are using reverse psychology to emotionally scar me.
Grin and Nair It
But luckily, the man has dual roles in this shoot. He will be assisting the girls during their cheerleader shoot. One by one, the girls will be hoisted up on three male cheerleaders’ shoulders and flung into the air; much like the high school wedgies we’ll all too familiar with…
Kiara did well in the shoot but Victoria feels that she isn’t a “diverse model”. She on the other hand, did a “fantastic job” and produced great photographs. During her shoot, Allyssa hit sexy poses but accidentally hurt one of the cheerleaders, leading him to gush out blood (not exactly the bodily liquid she was hoping for).
Laura was scared of “getting high” (an issue most high schoolers do not face) but in the end, still managed to create dynamic shapes. Kristin, however, did “really well” throughout the shoot because she cheered for six years prior.
Victoria and Nastasia were both fluid and hit “strong poses” during the shoot. Brittany had trouble loosening up and despite having a “good body”, failed to let her face relax. Yvonne did phenomenally in the air but I feel a little bad for her co-stars. Much to their girlfriends’ discontent, I think that having Yvonne slam against their public areas has made these male cheerleaders permanently flaccid.
Jock Block
Now that they’re received the ultimate form of contraception, the cheerleaders are finished for the day.
SKULL MAIL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 8 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
PANEL
"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”
Victoria: Kelly didn’t like her “body posture” and gave her a 6. Tyra likes the unusualness and Rob thinks she’s “versitle”, giving her two 6’s.
Leila: Tyra likes the “neck tooch” and Rob enjoys the shape, giving her a 6 and 7. Kelly however, believes that she’s “one dimensional” and deems it a 4.
Kiara: Rob thinks that she’s a “bird that can’t fly” and Tyra fawns over the boy position. She receives two 8’s and a 7.
Kristin: The fans think she’s “fierce H2T.” Kelly and Rob agree, calling it “high fashion”, earning Kristin a 9 and 10. Tyra on the other hand, thinks that she’s “stiff” and calls it a 6.
Brittany: Kelly doesn’t think that she’s an “edgy model”. Tyra wants her to be “fierce Disney” and Rob agrees. The demonic triad gives her 6/6/6.
Nastasia: Rob loves the “unique look” and Kelly loves the “power in her face”. Getting an 8, 9, and 10, Nastasia’s only critique was “losing her neck”.
Yvonne: Tyra believes that she has it. Kelly likes the “control” and she is awarded with a 6 and two 9’s.
Allyssa: Tyra likes the “relaxation” in the face and gives her an 8. The other two are not as impressed. Rob feels that she’s “uncomfortable” and Kelly is not impressed by her sexiness; both giving her less-than-flirtatious 6’s.
Laura: Rob finds it “disturbing” and gives her a 6. After breaking down about her apparent wind phobia, the two ladies are sympathetic, granting her two 9’s.
“Now the judges and I will calculate your scores and when you return, I will announce who will be eliminated.”
“Nine beautiful ladies stand before me. But I only have eight photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight girls that are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score, and best picture, is…”
NASTASIA (40.9)
LAURA (38.7)
KRISTIN (38.1)
KIARA (37.3)
VICTORIA (36.5)
YVONNE (36.4)
ALLYSSA (30.8)
“Will Brittany and Leila please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 29.5 to 29, that girl is…”
BRITTANY
DON’T TIGHTEN THOSE NOOSES, GUYS! Even though Leila has been eliminated, she will still have the opportunity to return with the Comeback Series. Even Tyra and the judges are shell-shocked, totally taken aback by Leila’s departure. Apparently, Tyra feels so guilty that she can only utter some ‘words of encouragement’ for Leila’s broken soul.
"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”
Victoria: Kelly didn’t like her “body posture” and gave her a 6. Tyra likes the unusualness and Rob thinks she’s “versitle”, giving her two 6’s.
Leila: Tyra likes the “neck tooch” and Rob enjoys the shape, giving her a 6 and 7. Kelly however, believes that she’s “one dimensional” and deems it a 4.
Kiara: Rob thinks that she’s a “bird that can’t fly” and Tyra fawns over the boy position. She receives two 8’s and a 7.
Kristin: The fans think she’s “fierce H2T.” Kelly and Rob agree, calling it “high fashion”, earning Kristin a 9 and 10. Tyra on the other hand, thinks that she’s “stiff” and calls it a 6.
Brittany: Kelly doesn’t think that she’s an “edgy model”. Tyra wants her to be “fierce Disney” and Rob agrees. The demonic triad gives her 6/6/6.
Nastasia: Rob loves the “unique look” and Kelly loves the “power in her face”. Getting an 8, 9, and 10, Nastasia’s only critique was “losing her neck”.
Yvonne: Tyra believes that she has it. Kelly likes the “control” and she is awarded with a 6 and two 9’s.
Allyssa: Tyra likes the “relaxation” in the face and gives her an 8. The other two are not as impressed. Rob feels that she’s “uncomfortable” and Kelly is not impressed by her sexiness; both giving her less-than-flirtatious 6’s.
Laura: Rob finds it “disturbing” and gives her a 6. After breaking down about her apparent wind phobia, the two ladies are sympathetic, granting her two 9’s.
“Now the judges and I will calculate your scores and when you return, I will announce who will be eliminated.”
“Nine beautiful ladies stand before me. But I only have eight photos in my hands. And these eight photos represent the eight girls that are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score, and best picture, is…”
NASTASIA (40.9)
LAURA (38.7)
KRISTIN (38.1)
KIARA (37.3)
VICTORIA (36.5)
YVONNE (36.4)
ALLYSSA (30.8)
“Will Brittany and Leila please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. With a score of 29.5 to 29, that girl is…”
BRITTANY
DON’T TIGHTEN THOSE NOOSES, GUYS! Even though Leila has been eliminated, she will still have the opportunity to return with the Comeback Series. Even Tyra and the judges are shell-shocked, totally taken aback by Leila’s departure. Apparently, Tyra feels so guilty that she can only utter some ‘words of encouragement’ for Leila’s broken soul.
But Leila is still crushed. Still, she hopes that her fans are “still strong” and can help her return with a vengeance.
Next week, the girls will be bringing a game to life during a visual graphics challenge. Then, they will participate in a steampunk photoshoot which, based on context clues, means dressing as former Goths who suddenly discovered the color brown.
Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and until next week…
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