ANTM c19 episode 3: Hair To the Throne

Previously on America's Next Top Model, the girls were challenged to a runway show for the sexually deprived students of California. After exposing some leg, Yvonne aroused the crowd's Hollywood; making her the first Tyra Suite tenant. During a taxidermy photoshoot, Leila and Nastasia were the catch of the day. Even though Destiny failed to impress, it was Jessie who was the last place game trophy. Now, on 12 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Leila is on "Cloud Nine" after seeing her picture displayed in the house. In addition to being mounted for the adoring public, Leila is also given a key to the Tyra Suite for her first-call-out. She immediately chooses Laura to share the room, prompting most of the cameramen to follow her and Laura to their new-found love shack. Darian looks on with envy as the two skip to the Suite and sadly comments that she doesn't "see a model" in Leila. To prove her posing chops, Darian gleefully croaks that she has worked in New Orleans Fashion Week (most likely as a custodian.)

Tyra Mail! "Who's gonna make the cut? Fierce and love, Tyra."

As the girls squeal and squirm over the possibility of getting their tracks replenished and dry weaves watered, Victoria starts to worry about receiving a pixie cut that wouldn't "match her personality".

With all of the makeover talk and Leilaura huddled together in the Tyra Suite, I can already tell this episode is going to be very scissor-friendly.

Cut The Hetero-

Maria on the other hand, refusing to let anything get cut. She plans to say 'no' to a shorter hairdo and is unwilling to compromise.

Avatar: The Last Hairbender

The girls are met at the Christophe Salon by Johnny, Kelly, and Christopher himself. The triad informs the girls that they will be given a choice if they wish to be made-over. One by one, the girls trade in a 'yes' for an envelope with her makeover until- lo and behold- the only two without are Victoria and Maria.

While the others are getting their hair primped, Tyra meets with the two. Victoria immediately regrets her decision to "keep her heritage alive" through her hair but Maria is steadfast. And then, because Tyra can't afford to go to jail for assault and battery again, Kelly is sent in to "deal" with Maria. Cutthroat is convinced that she's "committed to defending mediocrity" and leaves Maria to her talentless, uninspiring life.

On the other side of taste, girls like Nastasia and Brittany are satisfied with their new looks. Destiny however, doesn't dig her short cut because she doesn't want to "look like a lesbian". Forget those Instagram pictures of her sucking another girl's face like a crazed leech, she's straight dammit! After some getting used to, Destiny is content with her hair.

After the makeovers are finished, the girls take part in a Bigfoot sighting. Or some giant wildebeest with a...

Tyra Fail!

"As a model, your body of work is essential to who you are. Be ready to expose it. Love, Tyra."

Back in the house, Kiara is annoyed with Darian being "loud as f*** at 2 AM." She sends up Allyssa to shut her up but feels the wrath of Darian instead. She calls her out for being "fake" and dissing her behind her back; which creates a fight where the two verify their bitchiness. The whole situation is confusing to Victoria; who doesn't understand how a conversation can be made up of sentences strung together by curses and bad grammar. Nevertheless, Kiara continues to passionately argue about her status as an authentic canine

Eleven Shades of Grey

The girls are taken to a beautiful garden where Johnny Wujek tells them that this photoshoot will be a nude shoot. However, they will not be alone. The models will be paired up with the young new judge; because we all know how much Tyra loves to rob cradles.

Most of the girls fawn over Rob Evans but Maria is not having it. Victoria thinks that she's "not as passionate" about this competition and her suspicions are confirmed when she calls Kelly a C*ntrone. Scandalous.During the shoot, Johnny was impressed by Brittany's transformation into a "chic young woman". He also liked Laura, thinking that she "crushed it". Considering that half of the screen was blurred out, I was worried about Rob's tender areas getting deflated by a sharp pump...

Balls of Heel

Luckily for Tyra, his privates are still functioning during Allyssa's "intense" shoot. Johnny calls her "sexy and connected" to Robby. He was also feeling Leila's shoot, admitting that she was "really, really impressive". Darian, on the other hand, was "a little unsure" throughout the shoot. Johnny thought that she had no sparks with Rob.

But ultimately, Maria has no chemistry with this whole competition. When Johnny asks about her reservations to doing the shoot, Maria contemplates whether she want's to remain on the show. She confesses that she "is doubting her passion" and this nude shoot caused her revelation. In short, she believes that modelling "isn't for her" and leaves; becoming the latest causality of the oh-so famous...

Tits or GTFO

When Maria leaves to go play Strip Scrabble or whatever it is Harvard simpletons do, the other girls are elated. They all agreed that she didn't "deserve" to stay and Kristin is happy that it's "one less girl to take down".

Back in the shoot, Kristin "took too long" to get the perfect photo. Victoria, on the other hand, "finally came through" during her shoot. Johnny called her "amazing" and noted her incredible transformation on film.

During the shoot, Yvonne had trouble "using her angles". Much to the dismay of Rob, Kiara didn't "push it" during their shoot. Despite her pre-shoot jitters about looking too masculine, Rob and Destiny worked really well together. I guess after that string of bad performances, Rob's should consider a life of butt piracy...

Jack (his) Sparrow

While Johnny and Rob go off to have a photoshoot of their own, the girls receive a Skull Mail:

"Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 10 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America's Next Top Model."

Darian, Destiny, and Victoria are all nervous about the upcoming elimination. Destiny and Darian cry it out together but Victoria opts for a phone call with her mother. Again.

Victoria asks Mommy Henley for some advice for this stressful time. She gives some maternal advice and sends her daughter into a sobbing Jewish fit. Everytime Victoria enters that phonebooth, it's like a dramatic interpretation of the last scene in Yentl. 

Mama, Can You Hear Me? 

After some "words of encouragement", Victoria is prepared for panel.

PANEL"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans (AND HE'S ALL MINE, BITCHES!). Then, we have our social media correspondent/part-time aardvark, Bryanboy."

"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”



Laura: Kelly isn't a fan of the hand but Robetius thinks that she looks like a "Greek goddess held by a Greek god". He gives her a 10 but the women settle on 8's.



Darian: The judges don't like the "rugged disconnection" and give her an array of 4, 5, and 7. The fans think that "she has no eyeballs" and considering that she had no attraction to Rob, I wouldn't be surprised if an eye scalping was Tyra's punishment for Darian...



Kiara: ​Tyra likes that she "defied the athletic odds" and awards her a 9. Rob and Kelly are less impressed, giving her a 4 and 7.



Victoria: The judges love it (two 9's and a 10) and Tyra gives her "2 snaps in a circle". For all the white fans out there, that means it's fierce.



Brittany: Kelly thinks that she's "slamming sexy" and the judges agree, giving her two 10's and a 9. She was really loved by the public as a "surprise hit".



Destiny: Tyra sees "fear" in her eyes and gives her a 6. Rob encourages her and, along with Kelly, gives her a 7. The fans thought that she had "the best chemistry".



Kristin: Rob thought that she was "hard to work with" and gives her a 6. Tyra and Kelly like the "right type of tension" and score it a 7and 8.



Leila: The judges call her the "most high fashion" and award her a 7, 9, and 10.



Yvonne: Kelly doesn't appreciate the "bad proportions" and gives her a 4. Tyra loves that she "branded her ass" and, along with Rob, gives her a 6.



Nastasia: Rob thinks it's "ferocious" and gifts her a 9. Tyra and Kelly decide on 6 and 7 because they wanted "more elongation".



Allyssa: Kelly thinks that she can "sell anything" and gives her an 8. Tyra and Rob love the Megan Fox resemblance and give her a 10 and 9.

"Now the judges and I will tally up the scores and decide which one of you will be eliminated."

"Eleven beautiful girls stand before me. But I only have ten photos in my hands. And these ten photos represent the ten girls who are still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. The girl with the best score and picture is..."

VICTORIA (34.2)

BRITTANY (33.9)
ALLYSSA (32.9)
LEILA (33.2)
LAURA (32.0)
NASTASIA (28.1)
KRISTIN (27.9)
DESTINY (25.1)
KIARA (24.1)"Will Yvonne and Darian please step forward? This was a very close race. With a score of 20.8 to 20.8, the fan's vote will make the difference. With a fan vote of 4.81 to 4.79..."

YVONNEBut wait! Stop the presses! Tyra announces the twist to the girls. She inspires Darian by promising her a "chance to comeback" and brings the girl to her knees. Knowing the real reason why Rob was hired, Darian takes his lead and does whatever it takes to ensure her return... 



And in the next four weeks, we will see if Darian's lip service will do her any good.

Next week, the girls get down with the swirl during an acting challenge with Tyler Perry. Then, colors collide when Kristin and Destiny fight. It'll be a good one!

Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have been in the bottom two? Do you agree with the elimination? Who would have you eliminated? Who are your faves? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and I’ll see you next week!