Mike is very happy because he’s moved “from the bottom to the top” (his tale has become inspiration for Grindr users throughout America). Even though he’s on a hot streak, Mike is nervous about being 27 in the modeling industry. As the elder of the competition, it seems like even the walls are mocking Mike’s age.
Mike and his 18-year-old son Jeremy raid the Guess closet. While the two bond over manly things like muscles and arthritis, Jourdan ponders her place in the competition.
She needs to become America’s Next Top Model because she doesn’t have Plan B. So in the meantime, she’s taking the ultimate form of contraception; living with her boyfriend’s parents.
During the middle of a conversation between Chris and Nina, Mike interrupts to explain the phone situation. He elaborates that everyone has five minutes when Chris asks a simple question. Mike tells him to “shut the fuck up” and prompts Chris to violently chase after him. According to Marvin, we are “experiencing some Mike and Chris action”. *Lady Gaga’s ‘I Like It Rough’ starts playing in the background*
Speaking of rough, Jourdan laments that her five minute marriage was full of abuse. During a house meeting where Chris explains his verbally abusive past, she understands and provides support for the man. With that off his chest, Chris and the other models begin to bond, like a “big dysfunctional family”.
Turning Tables
The next day, the models are met by Johnny Wujek, who warns them of their new challenge. Just like Johnny’s hat, the models are instructed to bring sex appeal to a fashion show.
In addition to the eccentric clothes, this catwalk is going to feature another difficult element: a spinning turntable. Johnny then introduces co-judge (and 40-year-old man trying to act 18): Marvin Scott Jarett. The Nylon correspondent wants to find “the coolest dude or chick with an awesome personality”. He promises to meet them after the show and “peaces out for now” (most likely to clean his dentures or get a hip replacement).
While the other models prepare for the show, Nina worries about her sprained ankle. She’s afraid that she might not be able to perform and disappoint Tyra who most likely “booked six shows in Paris when she was 18 with a broken foot.”
Nevertheless, Nina makes it through the runway alive. Renee and Chris both have strong walks, while Jiana tumbles around the catwalk. Phil, on the other hand, used his styling to his advantage. He was completely unfazed by the turntables and his walk? Well, his runway can be perfectly described by a quote from Scripture:
Christ Died For Our Spins
Mike had no variety in his posing and remained tense in the face. Jeremy also seemed confused; completely forgetting to model the clothes.
After the runway, Nylon Marvin returns to deliver the news. In addition to a guess spot on Nylon TV, the winner will get to keep their runway clothes. “How gnarly” Marvin tries (and fails) to connect. “So fellow kids, only one of you can win. The winner is…”
JOURDAN! Jourdan squeals in excitement over the endless supply of free granny panties. Back in the house, Mike and Jeremy are worried about having low challenge scores.
Treasure Trail(er)
The next day, Johnny Wujek meets the models in a trailer park. He is joined by photographer, The Cobra Snake, for a trailer park chic shoot. He insists that the models will choose their partner for the day.
Kanani, Don, and Jeremy begin the shoot as a threesome. After failing to impress the photographer, Johnny decides to spice it up with another co-star. He introduces the models to beauty queen “Sugar Pop Pop”; because TLC is stingy with their trademarks…Despite sounding like a diabetic’s wet dream, the young pageant girl actually poses like one of ANTM’s greatest contestants.
Toddlers & Kiaras
Anyway, Don and Kanani both pose effortlessly with the little girl. Jeremy, on the other hand, is having trouble with his small beady eyes (The Cobra Snake empathizes).
Alexandra is angry with Mike, because he’s weighing down her shoot. While she’s hitting all these different poses, Mike is freezing up and lacking versatility. Likewise, Jiana complains about Marvin’s “one-note” look during their shoot. Nevertheless, both couples manage some good photos.
Jourdan brings it and leaves Chris in her literal shadow. Johnny laments that he needs to work on his presence. Phil and Nina get really into the shoot and prove to be the photographer’s favorite pair.
After seeing the hair and outfits for Cory and Renee’s “trashy” shoot, I’ve reached a conclusion: the wardrobe staff of ANTM is full of blind people.
Braille-r Park
Still, the two are able to model through the styling, embodying the theme smoothly. After the shoot, the models return home and worry about the impending elimination.
Panel
"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
“You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, be offered a contract with Next Models, and receive a $100,000 campaign with Guess.”
Nina: Her chemistry and overall adaptation to the shoot fares well. Kelly responds with a 9, Rob settles for an 8, and Tyra gifts Nina a 10.
Phil: Kelly and Rob think that Phil’s look is made for this type of shoot, giving 9s to back it up. Tyra agrees with her 8.
Marvin: Tyra and Kelly note that Marvin knows how to frame his “sculpted” body and award 9s. Rob is unimpressed with his face, calling it one-note and a 7.
Jiana: With a strong booty tooch but lack of neck, Jiana receives a 9, 8, and 7.
Cory: Cory has managed to bring the ruggedness that the shoot requires. Getting 8s from the ladies, Rob awards him the whole 9 yards.
Renee: Dead eyes, weak face: all the things that Renee is not. She receives 7s across the board.
Mike: His “interesting” pose isn’t strong enough to support his lackluster facial features. Tyra and Kelly hold out faith with their 8s, but Rob deserts him with a 6.
Alexandra: Rob and Tyra adore her face, but all three judges agree that her body angles need more attention. She receives two 8s and a 7.
Jourdan: The angles and poses in the body are elegant. She receives an 8, 9, and 10.
Chris: Agreeing that it’s his best shot, the judges do feel that he needs to cheat the camera in order to not be upstaged. He is given 8s by the ladies and a 9 by Rob.
Kanani: While she has an amazing close-up, her body photographs short. She sparks controversy, and is given a 6, 8, and 9.
Don: Kelly and Rob feel that his skinny look needs more work and grace him with 8s. Tyra disagrees, and bestows Don a 9.
Jeremy: With duck lips, squinty eyes, and a lack of lighting, Jeremy receives the ladies’ 7s and a 6 from Rob.
“Now the judges and I will add your scores and when you return, I will announce which one of you will be eliminated.”
“Thirteen beautiful models stand before me. But I only have 12 photos in my hands. And these twelve photos represent the twelve of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The model with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”
JOURDAN (45.1)
NINA (42.5)
PHIL (41.5)
DON (40.7)
CHRIS (40.6)
MARVIN (40.1)
JIANA (40.0)
CORY (38.1)
KANANI (37.7)
ALEXANDRA (37.0)
RENEE (35.7)
"Will Jeremy and Mike please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the guy that is still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. With a score of 33.2 to 33.1, that model is..."
JEREMY
Next week, the models reverse roles in a gender-swap commercial. So, until next week!
"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
“You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, be offered a contract with Next Models, and receive a $100,000 campaign with Guess.”
Nina: Her chemistry and overall adaptation to the shoot fares well. Kelly responds with a 9, Rob settles for an 8, and Tyra gifts Nina a 10.
Phil: Kelly and Rob think that Phil’s look is made for this type of shoot, giving 9s to back it up. Tyra agrees with her 8.
Marvin: Tyra and Kelly note that Marvin knows how to frame his “sculpted” body and award 9s. Rob is unimpressed with his face, calling it one-note and a 7.
Jiana: With a strong booty tooch but lack of neck, Jiana receives a 9, 8, and 7.
Cory: Cory has managed to bring the ruggedness that the shoot requires. Getting 8s from the ladies, Rob awards him the whole 9 yards.
Renee: Dead eyes, weak face: all the things that Renee is not. She receives 7s across the board.
Mike: His “interesting” pose isn’t strong enough to support his lackluster facial features. Tyra and Kelly hold out faith with their 8s, but Rob deserts him with a 6.
Alexandra: Rob and Tyra adore her face, but all three judges agree that her body angles need more attention. She receives two 8s and a 7.
Jourdan: The angles and poses in the body are elegant. She receives an 8, 9, and 10.
Chris: Agreeing that it’s his best shot, the judges do feel that he needs to cheat the camera in order to not be upstaged. He is given 8s by the ladies and a 9 by Rob.
Kanani: While she has an amazing close-up, her body photographs short. She sparks controversy, and is given a 6, 8, and 9.
Don: Kelly and Rob feel that his skinny look needs more work and grace him with 8s. Tyra disagrees, and bestows Don a 9.
Jeremy: With duck lips, squinty eyes, and a lack of lighting, Jeremy receives the ladies’ 7s and a 6 from Rob.
“Now the judges and I will add your scores and when you return, I will announce which one of you will be eliminated.”
“Thirteen beautiful models stand before me. But I only have 12 photos in my hands. And these twelve photos represent the twelve of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The model with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”
JOURDAN (45.1)
NINA (42.5)
PHIL (41.5)
DON (40.7)
CHRIS (40.6)
MARVIN (40.1)
JIANA (40.0)
CORY (38.1)
KANANI (37.7)
ALEXANDRA (37.0)
RENEE (35.7)
"Will Jeremy and Mike please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the guy that is still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model. With a score of 33.2 to 33.1, that model is..."
JEREMY
Next week, the models reverse roles in a gender-swap commercial. So, until next week!
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